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View Poll Results: Trust first or relationship first?

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26. You may not vote on this poll
  • I'm sure I'm task-oriented, and I begin with trust first, then relationship.

    14 53.85%
  • I'm sure I'm task-oriented, and I DON'T begin with trust first, then relationship.

    1 3.85%
  • I'm sure I'm people-oriented, and I begin with relationship first, then trust.

    5 19.23%
  • I'm sure I'm people-oriented, and I DON'T begin with relationship first, then trust.

    2 7.69%
  • I might be task-oriented, and I begin with trust first, then relationship.

    0 0%
  • I might be task-oriented, and I DON'T begin with trust first, then relationship.

    0 0%
  • I might be people-oriented, and I begin with relationship first, then trust.

    2 7.69%
  • I might be people-oriented, and I DON'T begin with relationship first, then trust.

    0 0%
  • I am so tempted to try and skew your results.

    2 7.69%
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Results 21 to 30 of 46

  1. #21
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I've noticed that whenever debates are had about trusting people's motives (a large part of what stops some people from letting people 'in'), the argument tends to split into two sides:

    People to whom one has to prove oneself before trust is given; "always potentially guilty". They might really like you, but they will take a long time before they trust you enough to believe you genuinely like/care about them.

    People who give benefit of the doubt by default; "innocent until proven guilty". They may not necessarily like you or respect you, but they give a basic level of trust as standard, gratis.

    The first group tends to be dominated by people with introverted perceiving functions, extraverted judging functions and dominant Fi. The second group, people with extraverted perceiving functions and Ti.

    It seems to me that Ne and Se are trusting functions while Ni and Si - but especially Ni - are untrusting ones. Perhaps dominant Fi, due to its intense vulnerability and sensitivity, often counterbalances the 'auto-trust' default of Ne in the INFP.

    But don't forget the ENTP - the ambivert - Both task and people oriented! ("my task is people/people are my task")
    i definitely take the "innocent until proven guilty stance". but that doesn't mean i'll want to be friends with everyone.

    for me, friendships aren't so much about trusting people as just seeing what they have to offer me.

  2. #22
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I was so tempted to click "I am so tempted to try and skew your results!"

    But alas, I didn't.
    I almost put in a poll option with your name on it,
    but alas, I didn't.

  3. #23
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post

    for me, friendships aren't so much about trusting people as just seeing what they have to offer me.
    I hear that from INFJ's a lot... it's curious to me because it's just so alien to the way I think. It's okay, I fully acknowledge I'm the freak!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  4. #24
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Here's some more info on the DISC types

    Active/Task -oriented - NT
    "D" - Dominating,

    Passive/Task -oriented - NF
    "C" - Cautious,

    Active/People -oriented - SP
    "I" - Inspiring,

    Passive/People -oriented - SJ
    "S" - Steady,

    Additionally, equivalences were made to the LaHaye (since I noticed you mentioned them once) types, and I translated them into MBTT types.
    ha ha ha ha ha....

    Please, no... not LaHaye!

    Um, I think trying to merge traditional humors and/or LaHaye and/or DISC to the MBTI theory only creates an unholy genetic monster. We would have to do major psychosurgery to get anywhere close.

    (I will say that DISC and humors/LaHaye could be fit together though.)

    * * * *

    I am task-oriented by nature, but I'm been forced to work so hard to take people into consideration that it is a close second now.

    I am not sure about being trust vs relationship first. As a task person, I don't really have to know someone well to work with them. I just need to experience them during task a bit to get a feel for their competence, motivation, honesty, and reliability, and I am good to go. I don't even ever have to be "good" friends with them, I'm fine just working with them on tasks together if I think they are competent. I am betting a lot of you here know me far better on a personal level than many of my coworkers do; if I don't have much in common with someone, I won't talk to them much.

    I guess this is a "trust first, relationship later" approach.

    But I do instinctively like to know about the people I am with and figure out what makes them tick.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #25
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I hear that from INFJ's a lot... it's curious to me because it's just so alien to the way I think. It's okay, I fully acknowledge I'm the freak!
    or maybe i'm the freak?

  6. #26
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I've noticed that whenever debates are had about trusting people's motives (a large part of what stops some people from letting people 'in'), the argument tends to split into two sides:

    People to whom one has to prove oneself before trust is given; "always potentially guilty". They might really like you, but they will take a long time before they trust you enough to believe you genuinely like/care about them.

    People who give benefit of the doubt by default; "innocent until proven guilty". They may not necessarily like you or respect you, but they give a basic level of trust as standard, gratis.

    The first group tends to be dominated by people with introverted perceiving functions, extraverted judging functions and dominant Fi. The second group, people with extraverted perceiving functions and Ti.

    It seems to me that Ne and Se are trusting functions while Ni and Si - but especially Ni - are untrusting ones. Perhaps dominant Fi, due to its intense vulnerability and sensitivity, often counterbalances the 'auto-trust' default of Ne in the INFP.

    But don't forget the ENTP - the ambivert - Both task and people oriented! ("my task is people/people are my task")
    Way to throw a monkey wrench into the whole works! Just teasing.

    I like your observations. I can't verify them myself, but I will trust your judgment until proven otherwise.

    Ok. Help me out.
    "always potentially guilty"
    introverted perceiving functions - Si and Ni ?
    extraverted judging functions - Te and Fe ?
    dominant Fi


    "innocent until proven guilty"
    extraverted perceiving functions - Ne and Se ?
    dominant Ti

    It seems to me that Ne and Se are trusting functions while Ni and Si - but especially Ni - are untrusting ones.
    Well that suits me, right?
    I have to trust someone first before I will deepen a relationship with them.
    If it is only a surface relationship - like a stranger or something, then I offer trust readily.
    Perhaps dominant Fi, due to its intense vulnerability and sensitivity, often counterbalances the 'auto-trust' default of Ne in the INFP.

    But don't forget the ENTP - the ambivert - Both task and people oriented! ("my task is people/people are my task")
    Do they have a smilie with its brain all scrambled?

  7. #27
    Junior Member Kaleidoscope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Thank you for helping me to see the flaws in my poll.
    Would you like to just discuss how you feel about developing trust vs developing relationship first?

    Generally speaking, some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.
    I'm very interested to see what other people think about this concept.
    Now that I've found a site that explains, in depth, the differences in the four types, I definitely know that I (NF) am, without a doubt, an "S" and my fiance (SJ) is, without a doubt, a "D" (though he does fit the "C" type as well). Thinking of me being a "C" made me feel really uncomfortable, but I felt completely in the right place when reading the "S" traits.

    For the most part, equal relationships are relationship first, then trust (this includes friends, my fiance, my neighbors, etc). I don't blindly trust anyone that is my equal or lower and I think they need to prove themselves before I trust them (INFP trait). However, when I am dealing with some in a higher position than me, I will trust them first and then develop the relationship (doctors, professors, landlord, etc). I almost feel like I have no choice but to trust them first and hope the relationship follows.

  8. #28
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    actually, i can be friends with people i don't trust, now that i think about it.

    as long as i have the read on them, i know how to deal with them. and if i get enough from a friendship with them, i'll be their friend, even if i think they're a bad person or something.

  9. #29
    Procrastinating
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    actually, i can be friends with people i don't trust, now that i think about it.

    as long as i have the read on them, i know how to deal with them. and if i get enough from a friendship with them, i'll be their friend, even if i think they're a bad person or something.
    Even if you've seen them stab someone else in the back? Is your thinking they won't do that to you?

  10. #30
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    Even if you've seen them stab someone else in the back? Is your thinking they won't do that to you?
    yeah. i've been friends with people that have stabbed someone else in the back.

    it's not that i think they wouldn't do the same thing to me...it's just that i know how to set it up so that it wouldn't be worth it for them to.

    i dunno, it's kinda strange, i'll admit. i guess in some sense it's a power thing for me. it's like, i get some validation from the fact that they don't stab me in the back even though they have to others.

    also, i feel like those people are written off by most, and i want them to know that i see them for what they really are. i want to help them, you know?

    <------ codependent

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