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View Poll Results: Trust first or relationship first?

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  • I'm sure I'm task-oriented, and I begin with trust first, then relationship.

    14 53.85%
  • I'm sure I'm task-oriented, and I DON'T begin with trust first, then relationship.

    1 3.85%
  • I'm sure I'm people-oriented, and I begin with relationship first, then trust.

    5 19.23%
  • I'm sure I'm people-oriented, and I DON'T begin with relationship first, then trust.

    2 7.69%
  • I might be task-oriented, and I begin with trust first, then relationship.

    0 0%
  • I might be task-oriented, and I DON'T begin with trust first, then relationship.

    0 0%
  • I might be people-oriented, and I begin with relationship first, then trust.

    2 7.69%
  • I might be people-oriented, and I DON'T begin with relationship first, then trust.

    0 0%
  • I am so tempted to try and skew your results.

    2 7.69%
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Results 11 to 20 of 46

  1. #11
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alcearos View Post
    I'm NF and certainly people oriented.
    Okay, so the premise seems flawed.

    Or maybe the equivalences are flawed.

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    As far as the poll goes for me, I am not people-oriented at all. I am more task-minded.

    As far as trust goes, I must believe you and trust you first, before I will develop a relationship with you.

    A person typically only has a few moments of being scrutinized by my Ni before I've decided whether I can trust them or not. That said, I tend to trust readily.

    You have to do something bad to make me not trust you. Once a person has lost my trust, it's harder for them to gain it back again, depending on how bad the "bad thing" was.

  3. #13
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Default Some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.

    Some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.

    Want to talk about that?
    I find that itself to be fascinating insight!

  4. #14
    Procrastinating
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post



    Just think of the question concerning a relationship where trust is eventually helpful or required: business partner, doctor/patient, teacher/student, employer/employee, acquaintance/close friend, etc.

    If this is OT, just let me know and I'll delete.

    Clarifying the relationships makes me wonder something and I don't know where else to ask. How does the "N" operate in this? I'm a, normally, more logical person when assessing trust but thinking about some of these relationship instances, I, definitely, use something else. Its more of a "sixth sense" right on meeting and I'm seldom wrong as has been proven later.

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    If this is OT, just let me know and I'll delete.

    Clarifying the relationships makes me wonder something and I don't know where else to ask. How does the "N" operate in this? I'm a, normally, more logical person when assessing trust but thinking about some of these relationship instances, I, definitely, use something else. Its more of a "sixth sense" right on meeting and I'm seldom wrong as has been proven later.
    This post I just posted at the same time as you addresses that, I think.
    I think it's the N that we use to size up a person as it were.


    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    As far as the poll goes for me, I am not people-oriented at all. I am more task-minded.

    As far as trust goes, I must believe you and trust you first, before I will develop a relationship with you.

    A person typically only has a few moments of being scrutinized by my Ni before I've decided whether I can trust them or not. That said, I tend to trust readily.

    You have to do something bad to make me not trust you. Once a person has lost my trust, it's harder for them to gain it back again, depending on how bad the "bad thing" was.

  6. #16
    Junior Member Kaleidoscope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Welcome to the forum. I like your avatar.

    Looking at the S description, it is kind of vague. I have studied the Basic Four profiles quite a bit. As a matter of fact, I knew about the basic four long before I had heard of MBTT. Sorry for the lame description, but in my opinion NF is most accurately portrayed as the "C" type. It's just not as obvious when you're looking at those descriptions. Also, they are lumping all NFs into one category and we all know how different INFP, ENFP, INFJ AND ENFJ can really be from each other. Sorry, it's not as precise as you would like.

    Just think of the question concerning a relationship where trust is eventually helpful or required: business partner, doctor/patient, teacher/student, employer/employee, acquaintance/close friend, etc.
    Thank you for the welcome.

    Qualities I hold in the C category are bolded (where I was placed):

    "C" - Cautious,
    Competent, Calculating,
    Compliant, Careful,
    Contemplative.
    Basic Motivation: Quality & Correctness

    Qualities I hold in the S category are bolded:

    "S" - Steady,
    Stable, Shy,
    Security-oriented,
    Servant, Submissive,
    Specialist
    Basic Motivation: Stability & Support

    Now I'll go through my fiance's qualities that line up (keep in mind that he is an ESTJ, the complete opposite of me).

    Qualities he holds in the C category are bolded:

    "C" - Cautious,
    Competent, Calculating,
    Compliant, Careful,
    Contemplative.
    Basic Motivation: Quality & Correctness

    Qualities he holds in the S category are bolded (where he would be placed):

    "S" - Steady,
    Stable, Shy,
    Security-oriented,
    Servant, Submissive,
    Specialist
    Basic Motivation: Stability & Support

    I think these are flipped...

    Also, each of those situations you listed would require a different approach to relationship and trust so that really doesn't help any.

  7. #17
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    I had to add here that it's relationship first for me then trust. Usually.

  8. #18
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    I was so tempted to click "I am so tempted to try and skew your results!"

    But alas, I didn't.

  9. #19
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I've noticed that whenever debates are had about trusting people's motives (a large part of what stops some people from letting people 'in'), the argument tends to split into two sides:

    People to whom one has to prove oneself before trust is given; "always potentially guilty". They might really like you, but they will take a long time before they trust you enough to believe you genuinely like/care about them.

    People who give benefit of the doubt by default; "innocent until proven guilty". They may not necessarily like you or respect you, but they give a basic level of trust as standard, gratis.

    The first group tends to be dominated by people with introverted perceiving functions, extraverted judging functions and dominant Fi. The second group, people with extraverted perceiving functions and Ti.

    It seems to me that Ne and Se are trusting functions while Ni and Si - but especially Ni - are untrusting ones. Perhaps dominant Fi, due to its intense vulnerability and sensitivity, often counterbalances the 'auto-trust' default of Ne in the INFP.

    But don't forget the ENTP - the ambivert - Both task and people oriented! ("my task is people/people are my task")
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  10. #20
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaleidoscope View Post
    Thank you for the welcome.

    Qualities I hold in the C category are bolded (where I was placed):
    ...
    I think these are flipped...

    Also, each of those situations you listed would require a different approach to relationship and trust so that really doesn't help any.
    Thank you for helping me to see the flaws in my poll.
    Would you like to just discuss how you feel about developing trust vs developing relationship first?

    Generally speaking, some people need trust first, and some people need relationship first.
    I'm very interested to see what other people think about this concept.

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