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Why is 'Small Talk' associated with S Types?

IZthe411

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Just a question that I have asked myself a few times. It appears that any 2 human beings, in order to establish some kind of foundation have to feel each other out. That's where 'small talk' comes in.

As much as it irks me, talking about the obvious- like the rain that's got both of you wet, is not only the easiest, but it's all you have to go on until you have something else. Really, isn't it what you do with that opener to determine what's next?
 

redacted

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it shouldn't be, but somehow everyone blames annoying trivial things on S types.
 

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What about asking off the bat what are your goals for the next 5 to 10 years and where do you stand on politics, sexuality and the economy? That's the kind of small talk I'd like to start with. I get a bit lost for words when convos start with hows the weather, what did you do today, hows travel etc.
 

IZthe411

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What about asking off the bat what are your goals for the next 5 to 10 years and where do you stand on politics, sexuality and the economy? That's the kind of small talk I'd like to start with. I get a bit lost for words when convos start with hows the weather, what did you do today, hows travel etc.

Seriously you're going to get that deep? Doesn't that have it's place with someone you know better? Let's say you're in a waiting room- you'd go that far?
Don't you think you can take the conversation the way you want with your response to 'what did you do today?'
 

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Unfortunately it escapes me sometimes. I just look at people with a puzzled expression not sure what to ask, can't over do it and yet if I don't say anything it gets awkward. I suppose I can start with what music and film are you into, that at least is less confronting. hahah when I asked the goals bit even with friends in my social circle they were at a loss to say and reversed the question onto me and I was happy to answer but they still didn't. pfft.
 

IZthe411

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Unfortunately it escapes me sometimes. I just look at people with a puzzled expression not sure what to ask, can't over do it and yet if I don't say anything it gets awkward. I suppose I can start with what music and film are you into, that at least is less confronting. hahah when I asked the goals bit even with friends in my social circle they were at a loss to say and reversed the question onto me and I was happy to answer but they still didn't. pfft.

I guess people have their guard up, more or less, until you're worthy of knowing more information, or you'll be receptive to more questions.
 

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I have trouble talking in situation conversations, they say you can generally tell what to ask from what people say as a carry on of the conversation. Well the obvious escapes me and I don't want to ask from the conversation to carry the conversation. I want to ask what I'm interested in knowing about them rather than the situational stuff.

Say if a person started saying they had to go get something for their cold I wouldn't ask what did you get but I would ask what is your health like, discuss your medical conditions with me. :cheese:

I know its too much so I don't really say whats on my mind and try to break it down so its less demanding or rather say nothing much, probably go with nice clothes and wouldn't know how to say, where did you get them from in real time, totally doesn't occur to me.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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I suppose the small talk gets associated with S's because they tend to notice the details of their day better so as to actually have something that isn't 'deep' to ask when confronted with a new situation, that requires small talk. It is a stereotype though, I agree.
 

Thalassa

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The majority of people make small talk to a degree - though I find INTs claim to despise it the most - but I think the stereotype is that Ss are more satisfied spending large chunks of their time this way, where as Ns either want to move on to another topic or get the hell away from the person who keeps making chit chat.
 

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I guess people have their guard up, more or less, until you're worthy of knowing more information, or you'll be receptive to more questions.

Yeah I know, my small talk ability tends to be a bit random sometimes, were I good at small talk I would have stayed in sales.
 

IZthe411

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^ I guess randomness can freak somebody out if they aren't expecting it. :laugh:
 

Thalassa

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Yeah, I used to spend a lot of time talking to an ISJ and occasionally he'd just go, "What the hell are you talking about?"
 

IZthe411

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There's a lot of small talk going on on this board. Not about the weather (some are) but people chime in.
 

skylights

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idk. i don't mind small talk. sometimes i start small talk. :shrug:

i mean honestly i might be an N-dom but i don't want to discuss theoretical physics with just whatever random person on the street. or religion. ugh. where i live i'd just get looks like i'm crazy and a lecture on loving the lord
 

Thalassa

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I think all Fs - even NFs, and probably especially ENFs - make more small talk as a means of trying to connect with others.

But I can tell you I get annoyed and try to get away real fast if a random acquaintence keeps going on and on about nothing.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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^ Yeah, social niceties are what occur most on this forum. Talk is usually limited by the fact that no one truly knows another person. I consider most of this small talk. However, in disagreement with myself I also see that we aren't always trying to get to know someone, but understand a general concept so that we can begin to know how to know someone. We can avoid small talk because we aren't trying to get personal, just flesh out the different facets of personality theories, or psychology in general.
 

IZthe411

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My ENFP sister could converse with a rock if she had to.
 

Thalassa

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Yeah ENFPs are good at talking at people, we don't even require a response. Thing is you might notice that it'll shift into a rant about politics or relationships or something real fast.
 

Tallulah

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What about asking off the bat what are your goals for the next 5 to 10 years and where do you stand on politics, sexuality and the economy? That's the kind of small talk I'd like to start with. I get a bit lost for words when convos start with hows the weather, what did you do today, hows travel etc.

Oh, man. Check, please! I would feel so put on the spot. I think you have to feel people out for what their actual interests are. If I were stuck at a table with someone I didn't know, and they were pumping me for opinions on controversial subjects or mining me for personal information, I would want to leave as soon as possible. I tend to look for clues as to the person's actual interests. Are they carrying a book or magazine? What are they wearing? What are they talking to others about? Sometimes small talk is the bridge to get to the actual areas of interest.

Now, I do hate a big ole 30 minute conversation that never moves on from small talk. When that happens, I'd much, much rather excuse myself and play with my phone or read a magazine. The conversation becomes work, with no real payoff.

I also don't get really deep with people I just met. It's too much of an energy drain unless there's an immediate connection. If we end up spending more time together, then I'll go deeper as I feel comfortable. I'm an sp, though.
 
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