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  1. #81
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post

    I've always thought that "hating small talk" is a way of saying "I can't figure out how to interact with people so I say I'm above it"
    Nope. Being German but living in England I have seriously started to despise small-talk. Germans in general don't get the concept of small-talk (Their mindset is something like: "Why should I ask someone 'How are you?' or 'How has your week been?' if I don't really want to know how they are or how their week has been?), they are pretty straightforward and just say what's on their mind.

    In contrast the English have this very scripted way of starting a conversation ("How are you?", "How has your week been?" "What are you going to do tomorrow?" "The weather is horrible, isn't it?"), they are trying to be polite and as a German I feel that they are not really interested in me as a person but are just reading from a script out of awkwardness and because sharing your true emotions/thoughts isn't encouraged in English society. I could live with small-talk as an introductory ritual if at some point the conversation would go deeper. But my experience with English people is that they tend to hover for a LONG time (weeks, months, even years) at small-talk level which makes it hard to get to know the real person behind the social etiquette.

    I have been going to the same church for almost a year now and spent quite a bit of time with some of the people there but when entering the church for coffee and cake before the service I still feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights, there are loads of people I "know" but I can't talk to them about how I really feel but have to go through the whole small-talk procedure again ("How are you?" "How has your week been?" blah, blah...), which is exhausting and after a while starts to feel like Groundhog Day. So I know how to interact with these people but I have no idea how to get to a level of deeper interaction that I as a non-English person find satisfying so despite having lived in England for almost a decade now I have made quite a few good friends but hardly any of them are English, I just don't know how to build a deep and meaningful relationship with an English person. So yeah, small-talk sucks if it is this neverending, draining experience.

  2. #82
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Germans in general don't get the concept of small-talk (Their mindset is something like: "Why should I ask someone 'How are you?' or 'How has your week been?' if I don't really want to know how they are or how their week has been?), they are pretty straightforward and just say what's on their mind.
    -end of thread-

  3. #83
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    I agree with IndyAnnaJoan. Looks like we are similar especially in my understanding of how I use Fi, it seems to fit with what you wrote.

    I consider a lot of things to be small talk. I have acquaintences I know from uni and we regularly make small talk in fact I'd say it's all we've really done 3 years. It drains me and not enjoyable. They gossip AT me when they fully KNOW I don't care, they tell me every little thing they do, and what's going on in all their classes. That's fine, run your mouth. But don't expect me to reciprocate. Because I DO NOT keep track of these little logistical tidbits of information. My memory is not a notebook for the mundane. These are people I've known for THREE f*cking YEARS and we can't have a real conversation? Come on. GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

    (Hey, this seems to jibe with Lightyear's experience--years at the small talk level)

    Edit: If all that's running through someone's head all day is these mundane details, well maybe that's why certain people are rumoured to be uncreative? SJs, specifically. All of these constant small talkers are SJs. I met some kind of xxTP person last year who opened with asking my views on abortion. No shit. That's probably TOO controversial for a frst line, lol, but I mean, there's a lot of room between that and this mundane small talk.
    Strychnine is all-natural,
    So strychnine is all good.
    It's Godly and righteous,
    So eat it, you should.
    Who are you to refuse nature's will?


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  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    It confuses people when I say off the wall stuff though so I've gotten better at blending in more.
    hahaha I've noticed the same thing, so now I consciously stunt myself *face plam*
    Strychnine is all-natural,
    So strychnine is all good.
    It's Godly and righteous,
    So eat it, you should.
    Who are you to refuse nature's will?


    Don't use the multiquote; it was planted by the devil to deceive us.

    Social Role: Asscrack/Piece of Shit/Public Defecator/Spiteful Urinator


    A different type everyday - so no need to type me anymore. But feel free to enjoy the sound of your own asscrack.

  5. #85
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penny89 View Post
    I agree with IndyAnnaJoan. Looks like we are similar especially in my understanding of how I use Fi, it seems to fit with what you wrote.

    I consider a lot of things to be small talk. I have acquaintences I know from uni and we regularly make small talk in fact I'd say it's all we've really done 3 years. It drains me and not enjoyable. They gossip AT me when they fully KNOW I don't care, they tell me every little thing they do, and what's going on in all their classes. That's fine, run your mouth. But don't expect me to reciprocate. Because I DO NOT keep track of these little logistical tidbits of information. My memory is not a notebook for the mundane. These are people I've known for THREE f*cking YEARS and we can't have a real conversation? Come on. GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

    (Hey, this seems to jibe with Lightyear's experience--years at the small talk level)

    Edit: If all that's running through someone's head all day is these mundane details, well maybe that's why certain people are rumoured to be uncreative? SJs, specifically. All of these constant small talkers are SJs. I met some kind of xxTP person last year who opened with asking my views on abortion. No shit. That's probably TOO controversial for a frst line, lol, but I mean, there's a lot of room between that and this mundane small talk.
    I'd definitely say I, too, have "friends" or rather acquaintances I've known for years but only remained at a small talk level. With some, it's just that it never seems to progress further... we've yet to find some level of "connection" to where it can develop into an actual friendship. With others, it's simply because I've yet to feel comfortable enough to let someone in. I do think it's possible to slowly get to know people through tidbits of small talk here and there. Eventually, you can draw a more full picture of who or what this person is, and these small tidbits can leave room for the mysterious... what's being left out? I'm very curious about people in general... and not in a gossipy kind of way... but have a genuine curiosity for most of the people I come into contact with.

    I also find it funny that it is extroverts that are often associated as having many acquaintances. I'm an introvert and have seeeeveral acquaintances. I'm weary of letting people into my world, but want to be friendly or nice, too. I have very few people that really know me and are close, and it is these very few people that I spend my time with when I want to be social. But I feel as though having many acquaintances works to my advantage as well. I still have many people I can chit chat with here and there, just about anywhere I go (I live in a small town.) But don't have the obligation to spend so much time with others when I don't feel like it. I prefer to spend time by myself, go for walks by myself, sit at home and watch movies by myself, or just reflect in silence. But it's nice to have an occasional run in with someone that I mildly know, and can have a brief moment with them, then continue on my way. But this isn't to say that I don't enjoy deeper conversations or true connections with others.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
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  6. #86
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I've always thought that "hating small talk" is a way of saying "I can't figure out how to interact with people so I say I'm above it"
    +1. That's exactly what I said.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I'd definitely say I, too, have "friends" or rather acquaintances I've known for years but only remained at a small talk level. With some, it's just that it never seems to progress further... we've yet to find some level of "connection" to where it can develop into an actual friendship. With others, it's simply because I've yet to feel comfortable enough to let someone in. I do think it's possible to slowly get to know people through tidbits of small talk here and there. Eventually, you can draw a more full picture of who or what this person is, and these small tidbits can leave room for the mysterious... what's being left out? I'm very curious about people in general... and not in a gossipy kind of way... but have a genuine curiosity for most of the people I come into contact with.

    I also find it funny that it is extroverts that are often associated as having many acquaintances. I'm an introvert and have seeeeveral acquaintances. I'm weary of letting people into my world, but want to be friendly or nice, too. I have very few people that really know me and are close, and it is these very few people that I spend my time with when I want to be social. But I feel as though having many acquaintances works to my advantage as well. I still have many people I can chit chat with here and there, just about anywhere I go (I live in a small town.) But don't have the obligation to spend so much time with others when I don't feel like it. I prefer to spend time by myself, go for walks by myself, sit at home and watch movies by myself, or just reflect in silence. But it's nice to have an occasional run in with someone that I mildly know, and can have a brief moment with them, then continue on my way. But this isn't to say that I don't enjoy deeper conversations or true connections with others.
    We seem to have a lot in common . My issue right now seems to be that I can't form proper connections without letting someone in, ie. moving beyond mundane chit chat. But I can't be comfortable enough to do that unless I have a connection. It's a vicious cycle.
    Strychnine is all-natural,
    So strychnine is all good.
    It's Godly and righteous,
    So eat it, you should.
    Who are you to refuse nature's will?


    Don't use the multiquote; it was planted by the devil to deceive us.

    Social Role: Asscrack/Piece of Shit/Public Defecator/Spiteful Urinator


    A different type everyday - so no need to type me anymore. But feel free to enjoy the sound of your own asscrack.

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