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  1. #71
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I understood your point perfectly, I actually agreed with most of it. it's just that it was more complicated than you mentioned so I elaborated.
    When what you added is already accounted for by my rules (2) and (3), and you believe that you were "elaborating," I cannot help but conclude that you didn't understand my post.
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  2. #72
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    I disagree with the concept that small talk is associated with S-types. Sure, they prefer generating sensory information and exchanging it as a matter of course; and Ni dominants (INXJs) are noted for feeling a very thin connection to their Ni center when they get pulled into the sensory processes; but I don't think this means small talk is excluded. I also can understand why the Ti dominant INTPs might feel small talk isn't important if it's not relevant to their interests.

  3. #73
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    When what you added is already accounted for by my rules (2) and (3), and you believe that you were "elaborating," I cannot help but conclude that you didn't understand my post.
    No, I got it, and for the most part I agreed with it, but agreeing with you wasn't the main point of my post. in which case a "(Insert quote here) omg soo true" or something of that nature would have sufficed. I quoted you in point 1, but the point where I really agreed with you was point 4 where I said I was a snob and don't like small talk because it makes me feel less intellectual (more N as you said). The main point was why I personally don't like small talk for xyz reasons, but I also agreed with you that point 4 is common among Ns. you were probably confused because my arguments don't tend to be very organized unless I plan them out.
    However, on a seperate note, point 3 is more significant in my opinion. I believe small talk has more of an Enneagram correlation than MBTI (which is simply cognition preferences, how you do things). Enneagram is about motivation (ie why you do things) and has a stronger (but certainly not direct) correlation with interests. Enneagram 4w3s don't like small talk because it's "ordinary" and we try to make everything glamorous and sophisticated or we get bored quickly. 4w3 celebrities for example wear outrageous outfits simply because they would be bored wearing what most people wear.

  4. #74
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    What about asking off the bat what are your goals for the next 5 to 10 years and where do you stand on politics, sexuality and the economy? That's the kind of small talk I'd like to start with. I get a bit lost for words when convos start with hows the weather, what did you do today, hows travel etc.
    I'd personally feel pretty uncomfortable if a person I'd just met started out with any of those topics. Take it slow, we can work up to the personal stuff if I like you.

  5. #75
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    I'm good with small talk (either that or I don't know what it is). I ask random questions like
    me: "Have you ever noticed that there are a lot of guys here that are eating by themselves?"
    Him: "No"
    me: "Well.. look around. In fact there seems to be only guys here. Most of the people here are guys."
    Him: "Haha..that's because girls travel in packs. So either there is a big group of them or not"
    me: "Ah..I see. Because we're the hunters. They travel in packs to protect themselves."
    Him: "Like hyenas"

    ^Conversation I had today.

    Also, if someone zones out I'll ask them what they were thinking about. I'm actually pretty aggressive when it comes to that. Answers like "Nothing" get rejected...

    But yeah, when it comes to people I always have many questions about them. I just learnt to actually ask these questions instead of trying to answer them myself. This has led to many of surprises. It's definitely something I learnt though.

    But, I might not be N. I'm fairly certain I'm ixtp though.
    That's fun small talk. It confuses people when I say off the wall stuff though so I've gotten better at blending in more.

    Weather is small talk?? I don't know, it's pretty serious around here. If it's 7 degrees out and you can't see across the street and people are driving 20 on the freeway it's a pretty exciting thing to talk about. (Was that small talk?)

    I've always thought that "hating small talk" is a way of saying "I can't figure out how to interact with people so I say I'm above it"

  6. #76
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Can someone precisely define small talk? I'm getting confused reading this thread. I thought it was essentially anything that is exhausted after 2 sentences. And why is everything either small talk or "describe your future for the next 10 years"? Surely there's medium talk? More of that plz.
    -end of thread-

  7. #77
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Small talk-- Casual or trivial conversation; chitchat; light conversations about everyday things.

    Agreed, small talk is quickly exhausted... which is why it's funny to hear people in this thread believing this is some phenomena that carries on for hours. To me, small talk is something that is used in passing (i.e. seeing an acquaintance and stopping to be friendly for a moment), or at random in waiting areas of some sort (striking up a short conversation with a person sitting by you, etc.) , or with a cashier at a check out lane (attempting to be friendly), etc.

    Ha, I suppose "medium talk" would be along the lines of striking up a conversation with coworkers about random stuff going on either with one anothers lives, catching up, or complaining about work stuff that is going on... Or shooting the breeze with friends. Talking about food, movies, sports, etc. Or at least, that's how I think of it.

    Deep conversations are more philosophical, spiritual, religious, therapeutic, political, analytical... fully disclosing ones self to another, their feelings, values or ideas.

    Just thought of that quote, “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." Although... I think you'd have to take into account the comfort level one has with the person they are talking with.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
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  8. #78
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Small talk-- Casual or trivial conversation; chitchat; light conversations about everyday things.

    Agreed, small talk is quickly exhausted... which is why it's funny to hear people in this thread believing this is some phenomena that carries on for hours. To me, small talk is something that is used in passing (i.e. seeing an acquaintance and stopping to be friendly for a moment), or at random in waiting areas of some sort (striking up a short conversation with a person sitting by you, etc.) , or with a cashier at a check out lane (attempting to be friendly), etc.

    Ha, I suppose "medium talk" would be along the lines of striking up a conversation with coworkers about random stuff going on either with one anothers lives, catching up, or complaining about work stuff that is going on... Or shooting the breeze with friends. Talking about food, movies, sports, etc. Or at least, that's how I think of it.

    Deep conversations are more philosophical, spiritual, religious, therapeutic, political, analytical... fully disclosing ones self to another, their feelings, values or ideas.

    Just thought of that quote, “Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." Although... I think you'd have to take into account the comfort level one has with the person they are talking with.
    I would define it more as a spectrum, with small talk on one end and deep, philosophical conversation on the other. on a scale from 1 to 10, let's call small talk a 1 and discussing the meaning of life as a 10... chit chat to me is somewhere closer to small talk, perhaps in the range of 3-5.
    I have a tendency to jump right into 6-8 range conversation with people right of the bat and sometimes I have to remember that that can be kind of stiffling or throw people off.

  9. #79
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    I was speaking in reference to striking up small talk with strangers or distant acquaintances. You jump into the 6 to 8 range with people you hardly know?

    I could very well be wrong, but that may be more of an extroverted quality, and less a sensor quality, to want to jump right in and expose oneself and one's ideas. Or an ENxx.

    I can't speak for everyone's type, but for ISFP's at least, with Fi-dom leading and Te inferior, we're less inclined to want to share unless we're very very comfortable. We hold our feelings, values and ideas very close. Perhaps this is why people will consider us to not take life so seriously. But there definitely have been instances in which I just met someone brand new, and was unexpectedly able to really open up. However, that is a rareity, but gets me very excited when it happens. I would think most people would crave to have deep conversations with others versus cheap conversations, but for most it's a matter of connection to the person they are speaking with.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
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  10. #80
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I would think most people would crave to have deep conversations with others versus cheap conversations, but for most it's a matter of connection to the person they are speaking with.
    Exactly. Nobody enjoys "small talk" for its own sake. It's just a tool that can be used to communicate with people that one shares a more or less distant relationship with. The end can be either to limit conversation to non-deep topics because that's the nature of your relationship with said person, or to slowly become familiar enough with them to move on to more personal or (to avoid using the word "deep" again) involved topics.
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