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  1. #41

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    Most of my best small talk is built from observations. Talking about the situation at hand. My bum is sore from this chair.

  2. #42
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I think NT's only use small talk as a tool to camouflage themselves or as a type of foreplay to 'real conversation'. To me it seems that SJ's think of small talk as the main event, and even deep conversations with my ex-SJ either felt shallow to my N sensibilities, or if it were deep enough, disturbing to her.

  3. #43
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I notice when N types talk about their day, its summarized in less than a minute. In fairness to ISxP types, they're not as prone to such monologues of their daily activities. ISxJs do seem to like to recount what has recently occurred. There is purpose to this, just as there is some value in N speculation & conceptual talk, but a preference for a process can make a person lean a certain way in conversation.
    I guess I'm the exception here, because I hate that 'how was your day' question, and unless there was something crazy or exceptional about it, I give the same answer- not much. If someone asks me (let's say we haven't talked in a while) what's been up? Again, if there's nothing of interest to note, than I have nothing to say, unless I know there's something major going on in their lives - like a recent family event/tragedy in this case.

    If someone was to come up to me and start talking about some theory, depending on how well I knew them, I'd give them the range of WTF look to sincere interest (If whatever they're talking about is interesting).

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takeru View Post
    It depends what is the "deep" or "small" talk about. I can deal with either/or.

    Example:
    Asking very personal information about me right off the bat? To hell with that. This will only come if I trust you.
    Talking about an experiment? Sure, lend me a bit of the information you've learned.
    Talking about the weather.... ehhhh. Boring, but ok. Talking about specific weather patterns that is currently happening? Sure! (such as El Nino/La Nina and the North Atlantic Oscillation)
    Talking about your day. As long as I know you, sure, just don't get into every-single-living-detail-you-can-remember ("this thing was this color".)
    Talking about the latest happening, as long as it isn't about something like a celebrity breaking up with some other celebrity? Sure. Talk about new video games, technology, etc? Ok.
    I hate celebrity talk.

    I wouldn't mind talking about the weather pattern (I have heard the La Nina thing a few times, and it's kind of interesting on how it's affecting things)- but if somebody's just saying 'its so cold' over and over- no.

    I find that women (at least F types that I know- both N & S) will focus more on what somebody said or did that pissed them off. That can be a drag as well if it goes on and on. I know one T type woman (maybe 2) who has the detail and feelings thing rolled up. Sometimes I have to just change the subject because I see where she's going. And I don't want to go there with her LOL

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    -What's the weather?
    -How's your son?
    -Did Katie get into that school?
    -Crappy roads out huh?
    -How are you? (not expecting a deep response)


    I mean yea, small detail-ish stuff.... S types.

    I can do small talk now though, I'm a lot better at it. And I add in palatable "large talk" and jokes. Jokes are like small talk.
    Those are the surface questions anybody asks- and you're right, you probably don't care too much, but if it means something to them, you'll ask out of consideration. That's not S stuff.
    It may be an I/E thing as well.

  6. #46
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    Since I hardly ever have an interesting answer to the question "how was your day/what's new?" I learned to answer "Fine, I just learned that >insert fun fact<" and hope that this will help to get a good conversation started. That doesn't automatically lead to a great conversation, of course, but most people react positively and the least you usually get is a smile and a look of suprise.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  7. #47
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    Just when I reconsider my S-ness, I would have to say I don't qualify in this camp. I'm willing to stab myself socially just to avoid smalltalk. I don't stick around some social circles or parties for long because I can't really converse on that level. I'm not criticizing what others talk about if it makes them happy, but there isn't much in it for me to listen to gossip, mundane observations, or someone's plumbing issue.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Since I hardly ever have an interesting answer to the question "how was your day/what's new?" I learned to answer "Fine, I just learned that >insert fun fact<" and hope that this will help to get a good conversation started. That doesn't automatically lead to a great conversation, of course, but most people react positively and the least you usually get is a smile and a look of suprise.
    Oh I like that approach!
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I hate celebrity talk.
    Celebrity talk about anything is just annoying. I just don't care about celebrities breaking up or getting married.

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    My bum is sore from this chair.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I guess I'm the exception here, because I hate that 'how was your day' question, and unless there was something crazy or exceptional about it, I give the same answer- not much. If someone asks me (let's say we haven't talked in a while) what's been up? Again, if there's nothing of interest to note, than I have nothing to say, unless I know there's something major going on in their lives - like a recent family event/tragedy in this case.

    If someone was to come up to me and start talking about some theory, depending on how well I knew them, I'd give them the range of WTF look to sincere interest (If whatever they're talking about is interesting).
    In my experience ISTJs can be a lot less talkative. If my grandfather was in the mood to talk, it was an event. I also know another ISJ who says he doesn't like to talk about himself.

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