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  1. #21
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yeah ENFPs are good at talking at people, we don't even require a response. Thing is you might notice that it'll shift into a rant about politics or relationships or something real fast.
    Yeah sometimes I'll put the phone down, go take a load of laundry out, fold it all, take it upstairs, put it away, come back to the phone, and she's STILL going. Now mind you, she could have been talking about my nephew when I put it down but somehow she's talking about pineapples. LOL sometimes she catches me, but I don't think she's hurting over it. She must know she got energizer bunnies in there.

  2. #22
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Oh, man. Check, please! I would feel so put on the spot. I think you have to feel people out for what their actual interests are. If I were stuck at a table with someone I didn't know, and they were pumping me for opinions on controversial subjects or mining me for personal information, I would want to leave as soon as possible. I tend to look for clues as to the person's actual interests. Are they carrying a book or magazine? What are they wearing? What are they talking to others about? Sometimes small talk is the bridge to get to the actual areas of interest.

    Now, I do hate a big ole 30 minute conversation that never moves on from small talk. When that happens, I'd much, much rather excuse myself and play with my phone or read a magazine. The conversation becomes work, with no real payoff.

    I also don't get really deep with people I just met. It's too much of an energy drain unless there's an immediate connection. If we end up spending more time together, then I'll go deeper as I feel comfortable. I'm an sp, though.
    THis comment reminds me of long plane rides. It's like a wildcard of who you're gonna get as a neighbor....lol. I had the best conversation on a flight to New Orleans with a native, and we got into good discussion about Katrina and the state of the area compared to before. As we were getting closer, circling the area to land, he pointed out some cool stuff about the area as well. We also talked about his miliary past...we didn't get deep, but the discussion flowed so well. I think it helps that he was definitely an E, so his willingness to go on kept me engaged as well.

    Compare that to someobody who only wants to talk about their job. Having a professional gig helps when you are traveling since so many business people do it, but they seem to not be able to switch out of that mode. I think that's the worst discussion to have with somebody, unless what they do is actually interesting.

  3. #23
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Oh, man. Check, please! I would feel so put on the spot. I think you have to feel people out for what their actual interests are. If I were stuck at a table with someone I didn't know, and they were pumping me for opinions on controversial subjects or mining me for personal information, I would want to leave as soon as possible. I tend to look for clues as to the person's actual interests. Are they carrying a book or magazine? What are they wearing? What are they talking to others about? Sometimes small talk is the bridge to get to the actual areas of interest.

    Now, I do hate a big ole 30 minute conversation that never moves on from small talk. When that happens, I'd much, much rather excuse myself and play with my phone or read a magazine. The conversation becomes work, with no real payoff.

    I also don't get really deep with people I just met. It's too much of an energy drain unless there's an immediate connection. If we end up spending more time together, then I'll go deeper as I feel comfortable. I'm an sp, though.
    I can relate to almost all of this. It is fun and exciting when you click with somebody right away, but a lot of the time it builds up slowly. Also, I feel like that kind of relationship/friendship where you click right away can be pretty volatile.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Yeah sometimes I'll put the phone down, go take a load of laundry out, fold it all, take it upstairs, put it away, come back to the phone, and she's STILL going. Now mind you, she could have been talking about my nephew when I put it down but somehow she's talking about pineapples. LOL sometimes she catches me, but I don't think she's hurting over it. She must know she got energizer bunnies in there.
    But sometimes I think it's WHAT a person is talking about vs. the talking itself. Like I could stay on the phone with my ENFJ bff or ENFJ sister for hours, but with my ESFP mother I often have the urge to put the phone down and just let her talk to herself. I also used to do this occasionally with my ESFJ ex because while we had some good conversations, he could go into "fact mode" and start spewing facts about something he was interested in, and it could be a rather excruciating experience like listening to my mother gossip about bullshit.

  5. #25
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Why is 'Small Talk' associated with S Types?
    I really don't know who to associate it with other than 'not me'...

    Just a question that I have asked myself a few times. It appears that any 2 human beings, in order to establish some kind of foundation have to feel each other out. That's where 'small talk' comes in.

    As much as it irks me, talking about the obvious- like the rain that's got both of you wet, is not only the easiest, but it's all you have to go on until you have something else. Really, isn't it what you do with that opener to determine what's next?
    Of course we all do it and its a necessary part of life. I just find it difficult because I really suck at the part of establishing a relationship and any attempts at doing so, make me feel disingenuous. Not because I necessarily believe small talk in general is affected but because I, personally, am distracted by the fact that don't entirely believe what I'm saying; I'm just talking for the sake of it, about things I don't care about. I just feel like a fake; like I'm pretending to be someone else in order to please others and it bothers me. I'd rather go straight to the in depth stuff - that's where I feel at home and most comfortable with talking about.

    But I shouldn't complain. Its not like its anyone's fault (but my own) - I need to learn to accept it
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #26
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    I suppose the small talk gets associated with S's because they tend to notice the details of their day better so as to actually have something that isn't 'deep' to ask when confronted with a new situation, that requires small talk. It is a stereotype though, I agree.
    This is what I've observed also. It just seems to come easier to them, even if they do not find it fascinating either.

    S types can be more interested in the details though, the current happenings of life, and enjoy reviewing the current past & speculating about the immediate future. All of that is not even classified as small talk, but for me it's about the same, as far as not having much to say. It's not even WHAT you're discussing sometimes, but how you discuss it. The things I most like to discuss are sort of less time & activity oriented, for lack of a better description. It's not about yesterday or tomorrow or what I did or will do, but just ideas & concepts in general. I can do personal, feeling talk also, but that's its own category .

    I've noticed with ESFPs that they will recount their day to you in detail & in order, which takes fooorever. There is often really no point. Sometimes the anecdote is funny, other times dramatic, but it could be shortened & have the same effect...
    I notice when N types talk about their day, its summarized in less than a minute. In fairness to ISxP types, they're not as prone to such monologues of their daily activities. ISxJs do seem to like to recount what has recently occurred. There is purpose to this, just as there is some value in N speculation & conceptual talk, but a preference for a process can make a person lean a certain way in conversation.

    Since small talk is necessary in establishing conversations and feeling a person out (what are they open to talking about?), it's not all evil, but I'm not skilled at it and being forced to engage it in for any length of time is not only dull, but draining.

    I once walked into a coffee shop & this ENFJ I barely knew started talking to me about some scientific experiment on goats. That was her opener. I thought that was awesome. No weather talk, no pretense to be interested in how I am, just straight into, "What do you think about this concept?". It was not too personal or deep to be awkward either - because there is a LOT between small talk & personal, deep talk.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  7. #27
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    It depends what is the "deep" or "small" talk about. I can deal with either/or.

    Example:
    Asking very personal information about me right off the bat? To hell with that. This will only come if I trust you.
    Talking about an experiment? Sure, lend me a bit of the information you've learned.
    Talking about the weather.... ehhhh. Boring, but ok. Talking about specific weather patterns that is currently happening? Sure! (such as El Nino/La Nina and the North Atlantic Oscillation)
    Talking about your day. As long as I know you, sure, just don't get into every-single-living-detail-you-can-remember ("this thing was this color".)
    Talking about the latest happening, as long as it isn't about something like a celebrity breaking up with some other celebrity? Sure. Talk about new video games, technology, etc? Ok.

  8. #28
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    -What's the weather?
    -How's your son?
    -Did Katie get into that school?
    -Crappy roads out huh?
    -How are you? (not expecting a deep response)


    I mean yea, small detail-ish stuff.... S types.

    I can do small talk now though, I'm a lot better at it. And I add in palatable "large talk" and jokes. Jokes are like small talk.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    ^ Yeah, social niceties are what occur most on this forum. Talk is usually limited by the fact that no one truly knows another person. I consider most of this small talk. However, in disagreement with myself I also see that we aren't always trying to get to know someone, but understand a general concept so that we can begin to know how to know someone. We can avoid small talk because we aren't trying to get personal, just flesh out the different facets of personality theories, or psychology in general.
    social engineer

  10. #30
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    You can always be sarcastic in "small talk" when someone is stating the obvious. I can't help it actually. Stating the obvious is really amusing.

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