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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Default things you have hard time understanding on how some function works

    this came to my mind when my INFP friend told me that he felt bad for neglecting me and our ENTP friend once when we were hanging at his place. INFP was on his other computer making music for a while, right next to us and we were playing with his new computers touch screen. we didnt mind that INFP was doing other stuff, but it still made him feel bad that he was neglecting us.

    i didnt understand why he would feel bad about it since it didnt bother me and the ENTP. personally i would never feel bad about something like that, unless it bothered other people. but then after he tried to explain it few times, i understood that this came from his Fi. later i asked if our INTJ friend understands any logic in this, and he totally understood the INFP with this since he could relate to his Fi.

    i think this is great way mbti can help to understand others. before i learned about Fi and understood how it works, i would have just argued with him and telling what he did was stupid and irrational..

    anyone got similar stories to tell or have something that you dont understand about people due to different function usage?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I'm not even sure that I can identify with that. I would check myself for not being hospitable, but I tend to weigh my care/empathy according to objective circumstances too. I don't know if that's "Ne" or "Se", but I am very much a perceiver either way. If you and the ENTP said "It's cool", then that's that. It's kind of a rare situation when it's all about my own perspective and values and I override whatever information others are giving me.

  3. #3
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I don't get it when people's Fe is so out of whack that they refuse to state their own opinion, for fear of offending the group or being less hospitable. Especially when people are actually wanting to know their opinion.
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    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I don't get it when people's Fe is so out of whack that they refuse to state their own opinion, for fear of offending the group or being less hospitable. Especially when people are actually wanting to know their opinion.
    I think that could be a type 9 thing too (and maybe common with many types). I don't understand it either though.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Thunderbringer's Avatar
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    Te and Ti. I can understand how every other function works, but those two always elude me. I took a function test and got high scores in Fe and Fi (which is very apt), but the lowest in Te and Ti so I'm not sure how they work.
    We cast away priceless time in dreams, born of imagination, fed upon illusion, and put to death by reality. - Judy Garland

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I don't get it when people's Fe is so out of whack that they refuse to state their own opinion, for fear of offending the group or being less hospitable. Especially when people are actually wanting to know their opinion.
    I had a weird conversation with a Fe friend. We were talking about a chicken's egg. For some reason she thought that the egg would gain weight while the chicken inside was growing, and I told her that doesn't make any sense, since there is nothing going inside the egg from the outside. She just couldn't get this point, she told me it is too scientific "It just can't be that simple", and then she said she doesn't want to talk about this. I found that pretty weird. I mean I get it that she didn't want to "argue" about it, but I don't really consider it an argument if it is about something that we both are pretty neutral about. Well, I assume that we were neutral about it, since it makes no sense being very emotional about the mass of an egg.

  7. #7
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I get what your INFP friend was talking about Inside it feels like this weird ache and you worry that he person may being saying everything is okay, just to be polite, so you might note he may ask a few times in a row. It almost looks like seeking affirmation-I suppose in a weird way it is more seeking external calibration. Inside he feels like he might be "hurting" you via his lack of attention, so by asking, he can fine tune his response to what you actually feel rather than what he projects you to be feeling.

    When younger I figured out much of the time people are just not happy, so I try not to take it personally or ask them about it unless they are very close or acting really oddly.

    But to your question-once I understood more about Fe, i realized often my entp would minimize her needs but be very willing to help me-so I have learned to try and verbally ask her how I can help her and listen more attentively to what she needs-because she wont always ask. Learning about Fe made a big diff for my ISFJ friend as I understood how important having someone listen and ask about her life was. Same thing for the few ENFJs I encountered-by understanding how our communication styles differ, I can try and come across in a way that doesnt set us off on the wrong step-still a work in progress. To be honest I would encounter FJs and very quickly be turned off by what appeared to me to be very judgmental behavior-however once I realized I was misreading them and that it is part of how they show caring for others, it allows me to reset my perceptive filter and overlook defensive Fi responses. In retrospect I recently realized when about nine i cut off my INFJ grandmother and stopped visiting her-as it always felt like she was looking down upon and judging me, so I opted out of visits. As an adult a few years back, I visited her and could see that she was trying to show caring, even without understanding what Fe was. However now I have a better appreciation for her worldview.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I had a weird conversation with a Fe friend. We were talking about a chicken's egg. For some reason she thought that the egg would gain weight while the chicken inside was growing, and I told her that doesn't make any sense, since there is nothing going inside the egg from the outside. She just couldn't get this point, she told me it is too scientific "It just can't be that simple", and then she said she doesn't want to talk about this. I found that pretty weird. I mean I get it that she didn't want to "argue" about it, but I don't really consider it an argument if it is about something that we both are pretty neutral about. Well, I assume that we were neutral about it, since it makes no sense being very emotional about the mass of an egg.
    osmosis

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Poki_ View Post
    osmosis
    But wouldn't that work the other way around as well? Even if the egg takes in oxygen or something, it will release some unwanted gases. Actually, I even pointed this possibility out and as either of us knew if there is some gas exchange or not, I constructed the argument about it like "If there is no gas exchange whatsoever, the egg cannot gain weight" but still she disagreed with this scenario. She thought that if the chick is growing inside, the egg as a whole will gain weight.

    And this really wasn't my point. The point was that she was not willing to have a debate over an emotionally neutral subject, and wouldn't really say why. I also sensed that she was becoming less than emotionally neutral about it as the discussion went on. So, what is going on there?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I'm not even sure that I can identify with that. I would check myself for not being hospitable, but I tend to weigh my care/empathy according to objective circumstances too. I don't know if that's "Ne" or "Se", but I am very much a perceiver either way. If you and the ENTP said "It's cool", then that's that. It's kind of a rare situation when it's all about my own perspective and values and I override whatever information others are giving me.
    I agree with this...in fact I think part of Fi is that you shift according to people you're with, and as long as ENTPs are okay with sitting beside you doing something with a computer, then that's cool right? Same thing with ISTJ reading in the next room, etc. I'd only feel guilty if the person was an FJ who really felt puzzled and hurt by my self-absorption.

    I think maybe when I was younger I probably projected my own issues on to other people more, maybe. Because that sounds like what's going on here...the INFPs own feeling of being left out or ignored projected on to others.

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