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Why do INTJ/ENTJ's get such a bad rap?

Tigerlily

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I've noticed how people always seem to assume that INTJ/ENTJ's are heartless cold bastards and I'm here to say that's just not true! Now mind you I am talking about well adjusted NTJ's not mentally unstable ones.

My husband is an INTJ and he's the nicest most decent, caring person I know. For example, when I used to smoke he would say within earshot of our children that if I didn't stop, I would die. Well each time I went outside to smoke I had to endure this speech of his. And when he wasn't home the kids were sure to tell me that they didn't want me to die as well. Well I'm not going to lie and say it didn't break my heart each time I heard this, so I quit and I am so thankful to my family for caring and loving me enough to nag me into quitting. An SFJ acquaintance of mine at the time was mortified when I told her this and didn't see the logic in what my Husband was doing. She and I no longer speak and the ironic thing was that her husband was dying of lung cancer from smoking and she and I quit at the same time. His unfortunate situation mixed with my husband and children is why I no longer smoke.

Fictionally Dr. Cox on Scrubs isn't really a bad guy at all. He just has a different approach compared to an NF as in he doesn't beat around the bush. If I were ill I would want him as my Dr. hands down. Gordon Ramsey I believe is an ENTJ who I also don't think is as "mean" as some would say he is. If I were in jeopardy of losing my shirt I would totally want him to help save my restaurant. I think he really wants to help and if he makes money doing it, then so what? House has his issues, but I don't think he's all that bad either.

If I were stranded on a deserted island or if our city were swarming with flesh eating zombies, I would so want an NTJ around otherwise that would be the end of me.

I don't know many NTJ women and wonder if they are less emotional than their male counterparts? Who would be most likely to greet you with a hug and/or kiss?

Any thoughts on the subject?
 

scantilyclad

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I agree. My INTJ is one of the nicest and caring people i have ever met. I couldn't believe how nice he was when i first met him, i thought he was just pretending or something, because i had never seen a guy be that nice to me before.

Sometimes he can be an ass but he is a very understanding and creative individual most of the time.

He is however VERY arrogant and very stubborn, but for some reason i think it's cute. When he starts being pretentious about something, i just give him a hug. Or when he thinks that he is right, and i know he is wrong, but he isn't going to budge, i just give him a bigger hug. NTJs really just need their ego stroked regularly IMO.
 

Tigerlily

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I like your husband too! :yes:

He's kooky, but warm.
Thanks. I would make a joke about his being "warm" because it seems like the obvious thing to do, but there because there are too many sissy's around so I'll have to refrain for now. :alttongue:

You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?
 

eyebyte

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Hmmm funny to read these lines...

As an INTJ growing up I had to learn to act the part - being told to fit in. Unlike INTP's I was open to this as I saw the benefit of doing so.

When I started dating I learned what not to say the hard way - and I learned that what most people see in me is what they want to see. I think I am a person worthy of being known - but ultimately - I am less important in the opinions that others have about me than their perceptions. "Never let the facts ruin a good story".

I have been described as a pretty good guy - and as an asshole who screwed everything up.

I do not think that XNTJ's are evil - but maybe misunderstood in that we always see the system - even when we should be feeling something(and even when we are feeling something).

I remember going to my father's funeral and while seeing him in the casket for the last time - I was also working out the logistics of hotel accommodations, traveling logistics, work logistics, ex-girl friend logistics, a potential meet up in Houston, the cremation process, wondering about the autopsy results... etc, etc. People may only see the dis-attached side of me - but I am a human too.
 

cafe

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My daughter (an INTJ) is not what I would call warm, but she is kind and fair. She is a good big sister to her younger siblings, even offering to help with their homework at times. She never complains and she is considerate of other people, sometimes to a fault. I want to do more for her than she will let me sometimes. She is also smart and has a wonderful sense of humor.

I really admire her and respect her not just as a human being or even as my daughter, but for the kind of person she is.
 

redacted

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Thanks. I would make a joke about his being "warm" because it seems like the appropriate thing to do, but there because there are too many sissy's around so I'll have to refrain (for now). :alttongue:

You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?

although you aren't talking to me, i'm gonna respond to that anyways. :)

i have 2 female INTJ friends, and they're quite different (one is probably the biggest introvert i know)

friend a:
she's hilarious. she makes fun of everyone (especially my ESFJ coworker; she laughs at him for crying at sad movies). she always understands exactly what people mean (not even what they're saying, but what they really mean), and she's sharp and witty, and can have a meaningful conversation about anything.

unfortunately, deep down, she's really sad (such an alcoholic). her life consists of working full time at a bullshit job (our bagel shop) and drinking a whole fifth in a night 3-4 times a week. every once in a while, i'll be like "what are you doing? you're way too smart to spend your life working a job like this!" she replies "but it's so easy!"

anyways, she's awesome, great to hang with, and extremely insightful (even if i do see through her act)

friend b:
one of the most unique people i've ever met. she's like the definition of an enneagram 5. she spends almost all her time by herself, and even when she's with people, she's usually pretty quiet -- i really like her because she's such a mystery. her ethical views are the most interesting: she literally does not care about other people. i mean, she does depend on human interaction to some extent, so she has to put on a face in public so that people won't hate her. but she really just doesn't care. she doesn't care about me either :)

people to her are objects that may or may not have something to offer. but when they're not around, i really doubt they're on her mind, unless she's thinking about gaining or losing some resource from them. i've had a few conversations with her about this stuff: i, being who i am, said to her one day "you know, it must be really lonely to observe these people and see all of this 'warmth' and 'empathy' and know that you'll never quite feel those things like everyone else does". i think she was extremely happy that someone recognized this. she went on about how, yes, it is extremely lonely, and that she's annoyed she has to fake it, which is why she spends so much time by herself. i went on to talk about how in some ways, she's lucky, because she doesn't have to feel the weight of everyone else's shit constantly on her shoulders. she agreed. we're pretty much opposites...
 

The Ü™

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Who said being cold and uncaring was a bad thing?
 

eyebyte

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My daughter (an INTJ) is not what I would call warm, but she is kind and fair.
...


Well put.

Thats they way my mother described me...once asking me why I never seem to like anything. Not warm - but kind and fair.

"You're 15 - you are supposed to be into loud music and girls and friends... what's wrong with you?" - eyebyte's mother.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?

Annoying as hell.




KIDDING! She's awesome. She's very kind. My best-guy friend is INTJ too and he's also really considerate and caring. I'm dating a girl with ENTJ qualities who is also really caring. I love em all, even if they are robots. :party2:
 

Night

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INTJs can sometimes be off-putting when proper explication of their beliefs is absent; usually, clarification mends most barriers.

BTW - great thread, Jen. Limey is one of my favorite people and would likely be one of my closest RL friends.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

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I've never really had a problem with INTJ's. They are actually a lot more warm than they first appear and are fairly reasonable most of the time.

ENTJ's are another story. Mature ones are great, but the immature ones come in and try to take charge of things even when they have no idea what they are doing. That annoys the hell out of me.
 

Tigerlily

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BTW - great thread, Jen. Limey is one of my favorite people and would likely be one of my closest RL friends.
Are you sure about that? :devil:

Seriously though when I first saw Ivy at INTPc I thought she might have been a friend of mine irl (same name and lives in NC) but then I realized that my friend would never hang out on a forum never mind a psychological one. At that time I thought to myself that we'd eventually become friends so I stalked her and now we are bff's. It's true! :yes: And to think all along Ivy had no clue what I was up too. :alttongue:
 

Atomic Fiend

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INTJs aren't that bad, one of the closest friends I've ever had was INTJ.

Nevermind that we went three years without speaking, he was still one of my closest friends...

:frown:
 

Jae Rae

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I've never really had a problem with INTJ's. They are actually a lot more warm than they first appear and are fairly reasonable most of the time.

ENTJ's are another story. Mature ones are great, but the immature ones come in and try to take charge of things even when they have no idea what they are doing. That annoys the hell out of me.

I agree Liquid - I have a friend who's INTJ. I wouldn't call her warm, but she's kind and involved with her kids. She can be a good hostess, but she doesn't seem to need close friendships, her family fulfills most of her social needs. She's funny, intelligent, thoughtful and well-informed about many subjects, including pop culture. I'd enjoy being better friends with her, but she's pretty self-contained.

I'm not friends with any ENTJs, but I know a guy who's most probably one - he's a smart, articulate raconteur. Some friends and I tried to get together a dinner party with him, but he never responded to my emails. A few months later I saw him at a mutual friend's house. I asked if he'd gotten my emails about the dinner party. He got right into my face and said in a very nasty tone of voice "I've been busy."

OK, message received. No dinner parties with you.

Jae Rae
 

Tigerlily

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Yes.

Certainty is my specialty.


;)
Spooky.
Floating_Ghost_by_Einnod.gif
 

Athenian200

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I really like INTJ's actually, although I wouldn't want to be one (because most other people dislike them).

They can be very blunt, even weird in some of the things they say, but once they show you the "key" to that Fi-ish perspective they have, you'll go back over everything they've ever done or said, and you'll see little hints of their feelings at almost every turn. You'll really never see them quite the same way again. It's like a "Twilight Zone" episode. The weirdest part is that once I see it, I perceive most of they say as being fairly nice, even if it would be considered blunt/rude by most people... because their intentions are usually a lot nicer than how their communication comes across, although they don't like to admit this for fear of looking weak/incompetent. I would say that if they did do anything cruel, I think it would probably be because it didn't quite "hit home" for them in such a way that they understood the severity of it.
 

nottaprettygal

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I really like INTJ's actually, although I wouldn't want to be one (because most other people dislike them).

But you see, that's the best part about being an INTJ. We don't even care whether other people like us or not. :party2:
 
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