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  1. #1
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Question Why do INTJ/ENTJ's get such a bad rap?

    I've noticed how people always seem to assume that INTJ/ENTJ's are heartless cold bastards and I'm here to say that's just not true! Now mind you I am talking about well adjusted NTJ's not mentally unstable ones.

    My husband is an INTJ and he's the nicest most decent, caring person I know. For example, when I used to smoke he would say within earshot of our children that if I didn't stop, I would die. Well each time I went outside to smoke I had to endure this speech of his. And when he wasn't home the kids were sure to tell me that they didn't want me to die as well. Well I'm not going to lie and say it didn't break my heart each time I heard this, so I quit and I am so thankful to my family for caring and loving me enough to nag me into quitting. An SFJ acquaintance of mine at the time was mortified when I told her this and didn't see the logic in what my Husband was doing. She and I no longer speak and the ironic thing was that her husband was dying of lung cancer from smoking and she and I quit at the same time. His unfortunate situation mixed with my husband and children is why I no longer smoke.

    Fictionally Dr. Cox on Scrubs isn't really a bad guy at all. He just has a different approach compared to an NF as in he doesn't beat around the bush. If I were ill I would want him as my Dr. hands down. Gordon Ramsey I believe is an ENTJ who I also don't think is as "mean" as some would say he is. If I were in jeopardy of losing my shirt I would totally want him to help save my restaurant. I think he really wants to help and if he makes money doing it, then so what? House has his issues, but I don't think he's all that bad either.

    If I were stranded on a deserted island or if our city were swarming with flesh eating zombies, I would so want an NTJ around otherwise that would be the end of me.

    I don't know many NTJ women and wonder if they are less emotional than their male counterparts? Who would be most likely to greet you with a hug and/or kiss?

    Any thoughts on the subject?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  2. #2
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    I agree. My INTJ is one of the nicest and caring people i have ever met. I couldn't believe how nice he was when i first met him, i thought he was just pretending or something, because i had never seen a guy be that nice to me before.

    Sometimes he can be an ass but he is a very understanding and creative individual most of the time.

    He is however VERY arrogant and very stubborn, but for some reason i think it's cute. When he starts being pretentious about something, i just give him a hug. Or when he thinks that he is right, and i know he is wrong, but he isn't going to budge, i just give him a bigger hug. NTJs really just need their ego stroked regularly IMO.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    My husband is an INTJ and he's the nicest most decent, caring person I know...Any thoughts on the subject?
    I like your husband too!

    He's kooky, but warm.

  4. #4
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I like your husband too!

    He's kooky, but warm.
    Thanks. I would make a joke about his being "warm" because it seems like the obvious thing to do, but there because there are too many sissy's around so I'll have to refrain for now.

    You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  5. #5

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    Hmmm funny to read these lines...

    As an INTJ growing up I had to learn to act the part - being told to fit in. Unlike INTP's I was open to this as I saw the benefit of doing so.

    When I started dating I learned what not to say the hard way - and I learned that what most people see in me is what they want to see. I think I am a person worthy of being known - but ultimately - I am less important in the opinions that others have about me than their perceptions. "Never let the facts ruin a good story".

    I have been described as a pretty good guy - and as an asshole who screwed everything up.

    I do not think that XNTJ's are evil - but maybe misunderstood in that we always see the system - even when we should be feeling something(and even when we are feeling something).

    I remember going to my father's funeral and while seeing him in the casket for the last time - I was also working out the logistics of hotel accommodations, traveling logistics, work logistics, ex-girl friend logistics, a potential meet up in Houston, the cremation process, wondering about the autopsy results... etc, etc. People may only see the dis-attached side of me - but I am a human too.

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    My daughter (an INTJ) is not what I would call warm, but she is kind and fair. She is a good big sister to her younger siblings, even offering to help with their homework at times. She never complains and she is considerate of other people, sometimes to a fault. I want to do more for her than she will let me sometimes. She is also smart and has a wonderful sense of humor.

    I really admire her and respect her not just as a human being or even as my daughter, but for the kind of person she is.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Thanks. I would make a joke about his being "warm" because it seems like the appropriate thing to do, but there because there are too many sissy's around so I'll have to refrain (for now).

    You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?
    although you aren't talking to me, i'm gonna respond to that anyways.

    i have 2 female INTJ friends, and they're quite different (one is probably the biggest introvert i know)

    friend a:
    she's hilarious. she makes fun of everyone (especially my ESFJ coworker; she laughs at him for crying at sad movies). she always understands exactly what people mean (not even what they're saying, but what they really mean), and she's sharp and witty, and can have a meaningful conversation about anything.

    unfortunately, deep down, she's really sad (such an alcoholic). her life consists of working full time at a bullshit job (our bagel shop) and drinking a whole fifth in a night 3-4 times a week. every once in a while, i'll be like "what are you doing? you're way too smart to spend your life working a job like this!" she replies "but it's so easy!"

    anyways, she's awesome, great to hang with, and extremely insightful (even if i do see through her act)

    friend b:
    one of the most unique people i've ever met. she's like the definition of an enneagram 5. she spends almost all her time by herself, and even when she's with people, she's usually pretty quiet -- i really like her because she's such a mystery. her ethical views are the most interesting: she literally does not care about other people. i mean, she does depend on human interaction to some extent, so she has to put on a face in public so that people won't hate her. but she really just doesn't care. she doesn't care about me either

    people to her are objects that may or may not have something to offer. but when they're not around, i really doubt they're on her mind, unless she's thinking about gaining or losing some resource from them. i've had a few conversations with her about this stuff: i, being who i am, said to her one day "you know, it must be really lonely to observe these people and see all of this 'warmth' and 'empathy' and know that you'll never quite feel those things like everyone else does". i think she was extremely happy that someone recognized this. she went on about how, yes, it is extremely lonely, and that she's annoyed she has to fake it, which is why she spends so much time by herself. i went on to talk about how in some ways, she's lucky, because she doesn't have to feel the weight of everyone else's shit constantly on her shoulders. she agreed. we're pretty much opposites...

  8. #8
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    Who said being cold and uncaring was a bad thing?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My daughter (an INTJ) is not what I would call warm, but she is kind and fair.
    ...

    Well put.

    Thats they way my mother described me...once asking me why I never seem to like anything. Not warm - but kind and fair.

    "You're 15 - you are supposed to be into loud music and girls and friends... what's wrong with you?" - eyebyte's mother.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    You have a female INTJ friend. What's she like?
    Annoying as hell.




    KIDDING! She's awesome. She's very kind. My best-guy friend is INTJ too and he's also really considerate and caring. I'm dating a girl with ENTJ qualities who is also really caring. I love em all, even if they are robots.

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