Loyalty Expressed Via Hurting Others.
There was a guy. He was being a goober. And, I had to defend myself against his gooberishness. This was all done in the time honored tradition of women snapping back potential suitors for their own idiocy.
Well, his best friend (an ENFJ and Fe dominant) with whom I’d been on pleasant acquaintance terms for almost 20 years, decided that he to be loyal to his friend he would “dis” me. I had done absolutely nothing to the best friend. Nonetheless, he went around trying to socially destroy me (this is not an exaggeration) by telling anyone who would listen what a horrible person I was... all in the name of being loyal to his friend.
I was so hurt and baffled by the best friend’s behavior. In my mind, this was a private issue between me and the potential suitor. The friend had no right to get involved. He was mucking up any possibility of me and the potential suitor recovering from his tactical error. More importantly, the best friend had no justification to hurt me when I hadn’t done anything directly to him. When I asked another ENFJ to help me understand the dynamics here, he said to me, “Well, loyalty is not just about supporting the people you love. It’s also about hurting the enemies of the people you love.”
I was floored. This is sooooo not the way I see the world. I’ve since come to understand that this fiasco might have been instigated by a display of Fe loyalty by the best friend. This same display of loyalty seem disloyal and immoral to my Fi sensibilities.