Perhaps are you guys experiencing something similar? For instance if an INFJ was display the intensity of emotion that is pretty typical for an ENFP-the implication would be that the INFJ would be totally off the charts nuts-thus set of every Fe alarm you have with respect to standards of emotional behavior?
It seems reasonable that the Fe user might partially screen those around them for folks who exhibit "emotionally moderate" behavior, flag those who dont as problems, and then avoid those who do not as they seem unstable. Never understanding they misapplied their internal standards onto a different type of person who doesnt fit in those standards.
This isnt an issue at all in one's personal life, as it makes sense to find others who one can be comfortable with, but I have seen these sorts of misunderstandings in my workplace result in exclusion that ended up resulting in loss of valuable input.