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Thread: Dear Fe User,

  1. #41
    That's my name biotch! Array JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I always have the feeling like I'm talking to people raised by wolves when it's an Fi/Fe discussion. Here's what I think: There are certain social conventions that you learn, growing up, hopefully, and these are a symbol language. We have these conventions of behavior so we can understand each other beyond our own individual peculiarities. So if someone is sick, perhaps you send flowers, or you visit and bring soup, or you send a card. Any of those things is a gesture expressing good will. It boggles my mind that someone's gesture toward another person's good would be spurned because it's not exactly what was wanted. IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

    The idea is that unless someone else is your intimate, they are not expected to know what you as an individual might prefer. This is where, after you get to know the person, you gently indicate that your appreciation for chicken soup is somewhat limited and actually you're a vegan, and you both laugh, and the next time you're sick, they send flowers instead.

    Or is this the kind of thing you're even talking about? (What ARE you talking about, specifically?)
    That's not what I am talking about I'm talking about when Fe pushes to get someone to not wear, drive or say something because "it's embarrassing". Or when an Fe user throws someone a party even though the person doesn't want it because "They'll have fun, they just don't know it yet!". Or when they/we try tell people how they "should" live because it's "better" when they are content with their lives. I see it as a listening problem...because we think we know what is best for people.

    Anyone who would get mad at someone for sending flowers to the hospital is an asshole...unless they expressly told the person not to send flowers because they hate flowers and the person sent them anyway "to brighten things up"...then the person sending the flowers is an unintentional asshole.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
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  2. #42
    Glycerine
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    AMEN, tilty!

  3. #43
    Senior Member Array Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Now you're talking about my mother and I understand completely. Thanks.

  4. #44
    Senior Member Array Jaguar's Avatar
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    Raised by wolves. Classic!
    The east and the west are mine, the north and the south are mine. All seems beautiful to me.
    — Walt Whitman

  5. #45
    Moving to the BVI Array highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Anyone who would get mad at someone for sending flowers to the hospital is an asshole...unless they expressly told the person not to send flowers because they hate flowers and the person sent them anyway "to brighten things up"...then the person sending the flowers is an unintentional asshole.
    Not to nitpick but maybe they're allergic to flowers and the person sending them the flowers knew that and they also knew what the person really wanted is that person to visit them.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  6. #46
    jump Array sleuthiness's Avatar
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    nfps (particularly mobilized socionics iee/iei variants) from my experience, compared to the average Fe user, are capable of being exponentially arrogant, domineering, blathering, dithering over precious memories using excruciatingly drawn-out monologue vessels. Probably all been said before.

    Dick blanket sausage.

    thinking of you

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Not to nitpick but maybe they're allergic to flowers and the person sending them the flowers knew that and they also knew what the person really wanted is that person to visit them.
    Criticizing someone's kindness just seems weird to me, though, unless the flower-sending person KNEW FOR SURE the sick person was allergic or would rather have a visit.

    It's like telling someone "Happy Thanksgiving" then realizing you annoyed them after the fact, but why get annoyed with someone who didn't mean any harm and only wanted to be nice?

    I remember my grandfather's wife telling me when I was a little girl not to pretend to be happy if my grandfather got me a present I didn't really like. I still think she's a bitch. Of course, then again, there are other reasons for that.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Array Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Yeah. I used to be upset with my mother for wanting me to be a cheerleader. She was a cheerleader, and homecoming queen. She enjoyed it. She thought I would enjoy it. She meant well. It hurt my feelings because I felt like she didn't know me at all. But then I grew up and realized the important part is that she meant well.

    Giving someone what you know they are allergic to and doing the opposite of what you know they really want you to do does not fall under anything MBTI. That's plain passive-aggressive right there. Maybe some types are more prone than others, but I don't think it has anything to do with Fe, does it?

  9. #49
    That's my name biotch! Array JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Not to nitpick but maybe they're allergic to flowers and the person sending them the flowers knew that and they also knew what the person really wanted is that person to visit them.
    Then there is nothing unintentional about that asshole
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Then there is nothing unintentional about that asshole
    Oh it was a joke. I totally missed that.

    Excuse my stupidity, Highlander.

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