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Thread: Dear Fe User,

  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I'm probably not using the right words. Maybe it's better to say I would lean towards leveraging personal values and conscience vs shared values or conventions. I would tend to not sacrifice my personal values to avoid offending someone. The risk is that you offend someone - which for example I seem to have done with Jaguar.
    Well you're also an NT rather than an NF...so it's hard for me to gauge whether this is Fi or Fe...I will not needlessly offend people IRL, for example I know to behave differently around elderly people or in a classroom than I would at other times. If I respect people who are older than me who are Christians, for example, I would never dream of sharing my thoughts with them on religion like I would do with my close friends or on the Internet, because I know it would be needlessly hurtful.

    However, I can see that Fi could be this way too, because they simply have the value of not hurting other people's feelings. SimWorld tried to tell me, in fact, that's what that was...that I was using Fi, and that my motive was "not to hurt people's feelings" vs. "socially correct behavior."

    But I do know how to behave correctly, and I'm actually inclined to correct others if I think they're being a total boar. I have a sister who tests ENFP (but I think might actually be ESFP) and her selfish behavior at times makes me want to beat her up. I would never actually beat my sister up, but I sometimes am just staggered at how she will behave. Same with one of my roommates...who I think might be ESFP...she's really sweet, a good person with a good heart, but good lord she really does not think of others in these really weird, inconsiderate ways. It's really frustrating to have to deal with because she's so sweet, and yet is so self-absorbed. And I've really had to manage myself and think of ways to deal with it rather than confronting her head-on and saying what I want to say, because I don't want to hurt her or have bad blood between us, but still like "hey, good lord there's someone sleeping in this room, shut up!"

  2. #112

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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I believe I know exactly what you are talking about and the interesting thing about that post is that several people sent me reps or other messages to say they agreed with me. So, you may not like what I had to say, but realize there are people who do feel that way at times.

    I apologize if what I said in that other thread offended you.
    You're apologizing to the wrong person.
    This isn't an ENTJ, INTP or ESFJ issue.

    The issue is, you claimed X number of people you have worked with OUTSIDE this forum was a certain type. In this case, you chose ENTJ. You then came INSIDE this forum and targeted an innocent member who did nothing to you, and wasn't even speaking to you. Then you unloaded on the girl for doing nothing that was any different from what others were doing in that thread - talking about their intuition.

    This is what she posted that set you off like a mexican jumping bean.

    I tend to be right about my first judgements of people.
    Any human being could have made that same statement.
    But you decided to look over at her type and flip your lid on her, simply because she had the same type as a bunch of guys who pissed you off in business.

    You don't owe me anything. The event had nothing to do with me.
    You owe HER an apology.

    When people start taking out their issues on people inside this forum for doing absolutely nothing other than having the same 4 letters in their profile as someone who pissed them off IRL, then MBTI is an abysmal failure. I can't imagine anyone condoning that insidious behavior.
    Think.

  3. #113
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    You're apologizing to the wrong person.
    This isn't an ENTJ, INTP or ESFJ issue.

    The issue is, you claimed X number of people you have worked with OUTSIDE this forum was a certain type. In this case, you chose ENTJ. You then came INSIDE this forum and targeted an innocent member who did nothing to you, and wasn't even speaking to you. Then you unloaded on the girl for doing nothing that was any different from what others were doing in that thread - talking about their intuition.

    This is what she posted that set you off like a mexican jumping bean.

    Any human being could have made that same statement.
    But you decided to look over at her type and flip your lid on her, simply because she had the same type as a bunch of guys who pissed you off in business.

    You don't owe me anything. The event had nothing to do with me.
    You owe HER an apology.

    When people start taking out their issues on people inside this forum for doing absolutely nothing other than having the same 4 letters in their profile as someone who pissed them off IRL, then MBTI is an abysmal failure. I can't imagine anyone condoning that insidious behavior.
    Oh - thanks for helping to clarify that. These are the two posts:

    Real life situations where it sucks to be intuitive

    Real life situations where it sucks to be intuitive

    I have a lot of flaws and do feel that I overreacted a bit there. One reason for that is that I had just personally experienced the item that I mentioned in the post, so your read is correct there. I stand by the essence of what I said though perhaps not the way I communicated it. Hopefully, I don't do these types of things very often - but yeah you're right. I will apologize to her.

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  4. #114

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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Oh - thanks for helping to clarify that. These are the two posts:

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1396031

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1396163

    I have a lot of flaws and do feel that I overreacted a bit there. One reason for that is that I had just personally experienced the item that I mentioned in the post, so your read is correct there. I stand by the essence of what I said though perhaps not the way I communicated it. Hopefully, I don't do these types of things very often - but yeah you're right. I will apologize to her.
    I appreciate your candor. Good deal.
    Think.

  5. #115
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i think about this too sometimes. but we all do comprehend each other, so much that it's sometimes unbelievable... just being able to share a silence with someone else is kind of an amazing beautiful thing. i think we freak ourselves out by going down the rabbit hole... i do sometimes the nature of MBTI is analytical... dividing. it breaks things down to make them easier to understand. so it's absolutely true that if we just keep breaking and breaking, there will be nothing left... but at the same time, the building blocks can also help us rebuild the way we want to. i think there's a forest of "humanity" regardless of whether we have MBTI or not... a first kiss or racing your best friend across the kitchen in slippery socks or picking flowers with your grandma... that stuff all transcends type. humans transcend type because humans made type. ultimately it's just a decent way of looking at things, not necessarily a truth at all...
    I enjoyed reading your entire post and this last part was beautifully said. There are two or three people online who's posts sometimes resonate with me as having similar thinking like cascadeco and perhaps a couple of others, but I can't remember their type (I just remembered neptunesnet and a couple of ENFPs). I connect on important levels to one person IRL who's INTP, and on certain levels with family who are probably mostly IFPs. It is reassuring that people go about feeling connections because that is important. I don't find myself relating often, and I don't expect to understand the totality of another person. I glimpse into their soul like seeing a snowy egret fly over a lake, and it is beautiful. I remember those moments. There is just too much inside a person to know or be fully known even when there is desire and effort made. I think that can transcend type as well.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality

  6. #116
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    I am really confused about the Fe vs. Fi conflict sometimes. People keep telling me that I have REALLY strong Fe but at the same time, I don't see myself a slave to the group. If you piss me off or wrong me, I am for sure as hell not going to go out of my way to do things for you. You have to earn my respect for me to go of my way or I may be returning a favor. If I see the group's rules to futile and pointless, I don't put much stock in them and slowly start to rebel or leave the group.

    I think the problem w/ Fe is when the person starts to expect things from others. This is a pointless endeavor because one can't control others' actions. Saying that, I still expect people to follow basic social conventions like introducing yourself or asking before sitting next to me (a stranger), not to talk loudly about your private life over the cellphone in a computer lab, if you say you are going to do something, do it or be straightforward about why you can't. Since I can't control what they do, I just let it be or don't engage them.

    On the other hand, Fi can also be very demanding w/ expectations but w/ them the values aren't usually clearly laid out so it can be very frustrating.

    I have seen both Fe and Fi users have both strong individual and group emphasis. Our world would be even more fucked if that weren't the case.

  7. #117

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    Who is winning, Fi or Fe?

  8. #118
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Well you're also an NT rather than an NF...so it's hard for me to gauge whether this is Fi or Fe...I will not needlessly offend people IRL, for example I know to behave differently around elderly people or in a classroom than I would at other times. If I respect people who are older than me who are Christians, for example, I would never dream of sharing my thoughts with them on religion like I would do with my close friends or on the Internet, because I know it would be needlessly hurtful.

    However, I can see that Fi could be this way too, because they simply have the value of not hurting other people's feelings. SimWorld tried to tell me, in fact, that's what that was...that I was using Fi, and that my motive was "not to hurt people's feelings" vs. "socially correct behavior."

    But I do know how to behave correctly, and I'm actually inclined to correct others if I think they're being a total boar. I have a sister who tests ENFP (but I think might actually be ESFP) and her selfish behavior at times makes me want to beat her up. I would never actually beat my sister up, but I sometimes am just staggered at how she will behave. Same with one of my roommates...who I think might be ESFP...she's really sweet, a good person with a good heart, but good lord she really does not think of others in these really weird, inconsiderate ways. It's really frustrating to have to deal with because she's so sweet, and yet is so self-absorbed. And I've really had to manage myself and think of ways to deal with it rather than confronting her head-on and saying what I want to say, because I don't want to hurt her or have bad blood between us, but still like "hey, good lord there's someone sleeping in this room, shut up!"
    i've had this problem with a fellow ESFP roommate as well. however, i consider this unhealthy Fi behavior. but perhaps i have a well developed Fe as well?? i don't know. i finally corrected my roommates behavior one day, when she had a terrible outburst at our other roommate (whom is her boyfriend). we had another friend that dropped in to visit, and it didn't make their fighting cease. i finally turned to the friend that dropped in and said, "man, aren't you just so glad you got to come by to enjoy this fun?" the ESFP roommate finally shut up and went to her bedroom. a while later, she came back out calmed down and apologized for her outburst. ever since then, she had become much more considerate of how her Fi outbursts might have an affect on others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I am really confused about the Fe vs. Fi conflict sometimes. People keep telling me that I have REALLY strong Fe but at the same time, I don't see myself a slave to the group. If you piss me off or wrong me, I am for sure as hell not going to go out of my way to do things for you. You have to earn my respect for me to go of my way or I may be returning a favor. If I see the group's rules to futile and pointless, I don't put much stock in them and slowly start to rebel or leave the group.

    I think the problem w/ Fe is when the person starts to expect things from others. This is a pointless endeavor because one can't control others' actions. Saying that, I still expect people to follow basic social conventions like introducing yourself or asking before sitting next to me (a stranger), not to talk loudly about your private life over the cellphone in a computer lab, if you say you are going to do something, do it or be straightforward about why you can't. Since I can't control what they do, I just let it be or don't engage them.

    On the other hand, Fi can also be very demanding w/ expectations but w/ them the values aren't usually clearly laid out so it can be very frustrating.

    I have seen both Fe and Fi users have both strong individual and group emphasis. Our world would be even more fucked if that weren't the case.
    the first thing i highlighted in bold, reminds me of my ESFJ sister. and stereotypically, this isn't something one would except from an Fe... but it is. in regards to when people upset you, i've noticed Fe's will tend to make more fixed judgments when someone has angered them or annoyed them. but i'd hate to say this is the case with all Fe's... but just something more common with J types. perhaps this is actually something that is chocked up to Si in combination with Fe... i really don't know and have much less experience with Ni types. (ENFJ, INFJ)

    also, another example where Fe seems to transcend stereotypical consensus behavior... my sister (the ESFJ) is married to a christian. me and my sister weren't raised in a religious household. so, whenever she has to go to church with him, she comes back with all sorts of complaints, judgments... and will often act incredibly sassy while in church with him, to the point her husband is often embarrassed. this is backwards from me, whereas though i may not share the same views, i keep it to myself and will act respectfully. perhaps my sister isn't a healthy Fe... i don't know. but i have several examples of my sister with this same behavior in different settings.

    the thing is, Fe doesn't always follow consensus, and Fi isn't always absorbed in their own feelings or values. where our differences lie are difficult to define, and i believe has more entanglement or rather, emphasis, in Se vs. Si or Ne vs. Ni. feelers, otherwise are the same.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  9. #119
    Glycerine
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    I definitely agree. I guess I did come off a bit strong. Well, in my experience, ISFPs are the types to be able to let things roll off their backs more than most other types unless they get fed up, you really get on their shit list (this is at the breaking point though.... it took my friend years of other people fucking her over to get to this point). EDIT: That was supposed to be a compliment but it probably came off as a diss...oops

  10. #120
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    ^ mmhmm.. difference of a P vs. a J.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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