I am going to try to share some newly gained insight here, and looking for feedback on the train of thought. It's a long post, and I do apologize, but try to bear with it if you can. I am not known for being highly concise when I am trying to figure something out.
Y'all know I look at the Fi list here and the Fe list in the other thread and get "bad" feelings; that's my radar or "ping" or vibes signal that something is off, either with the list or me, and thus merits further scrutiny.
The process of picking apart where the signals come from is the duty of my Ne and Te, being the (extraverted) ways I interact with the world. It helps me to "ping" my thoughts off of others, and I hope for intelligent, cogent thoughts in return, in order to help refine my own. Thinking out loud; it's how I am wired. The finished product or revelation is seldom a result of hours and days of pondered thought then *poof* the answer is magically there; it's this back and forth "ping" that helps me to narrow my focus to find the right spot to look at.
Sometimes wonderful, measured responses come from the forum, but more often than not, especially in these "feeling" type threads, there are people who interpret this exploration as either some kind of threat or an emo-rant. Neither are correct. I am saying that for the record. I still love you all regardless. To me, it seems that the forum should yield more informed, measured and relevant responses than IRL, but it's a crap-shoot here too, for a variety of reasons I won't go into.
At any rate, this lengthy preamble is besides the point. But I wanted to share it.
Looking at the paraphrased descriptions of what it's like to make decisions through one's Fe:
My values shape how I live.
It's hard for me to be isolated from people.
I like good vibes. I try to fix conflict.
I am a good listener and advisor.
I just know about people. I know what they need and want.
How we work together is as important as what we accomplish.
I have a very hard time saying no. It's difficult not to volunteer even if I am not asked.
One of my biggest challenges is accepting that I can't do it all, that I can't take care of everybody.
I sometimes take on and verbalize the unspoken feelings of the room without even knowing it.
I have to be doing something that let's me feel that I am helping other people.
I read this and say, "Hey, I identify a great deal with this list, is it thus the exclusive environs of Fe?" *ping* Then I read the Fi paraphrased list:
Paraphrased descriptions of what it's like to make decisions through one's Fi:
I can feel when people are with me or against me.
I use humor and sarcasm as a way of keeping my values from becoming public. I need to deflect attention from this very personal place.
I could never work for someone whose values conflict with mine.
My personal space is very important to me. Please don't invade my physical and emotional space.
Rules have to feel right to me or I will ignore them.
What I need most from people is affirmation, acceptance, and my freedom.
If someone affronts my values I will cut them off so quickly they will just be gone. I will probably never initiate contact with that person again.
I could never do something just because someone wants me to do it if it doesn't feel right to me.
I have a sense of right and wrong that I cannot explain.
It's very hard for me to take a stand publicly. I have to spend time trying it on to see whether it feels right. When I do take a stand, it comes out very passionately and I am not open to debating or discussing the issue.
I look at that and know it feels far less like me, that it's far too black and white and it just feels "off" - although not wrong, it's not right either. Another *ping*. Something bears examining.
The key is Fi core values. The Fe list reads as a person who has a set or sub-set of core values that are close to my core values; helping others, being kind, being compassionate. My core values result in me interacting with the world IN THAT WAY, thus the list resonates! In fact, according to theory, the Fe users' core values are not "core" at all; they are more flexible, more changeable, more adaptive let's say. And I do see Fe users adapt them frequently, nice to some people, not nice to other people, and I say "Hey, Fe is not all about happy, help the world stuff; what's going on here? If they share my core value set, why do I see behaviour that is more situationally-based?"
Here's a question as an aside: does Fe have a value set? Is it this "helper" one by default?
Next, the Fi list to me reads as a person who has, at the heart of these statements, core values that I don't identify with, someone who presents as very self-absorbed in the world. Very black and white, very limited in experience, because values are refined and tested constantly over time. For example, someone who says, "If someone affronts my values I will cut them off so quickly they will just be gone. I will probably never initiate contact with that person again" is to me a person who doesn't hold forgiveness and compassion as a core value, or one who hasn't evolved to see the subtlety of walking in another person's shoes. So, when I read that list, and perhaps other Fi users read that list, we say, "The core values I see underneath these statements are not something I can identify with. That's just not me."
THAT is the crux of the matter. I think that's where the objections originate from. If your core values don't resonate with this, how could you see that list as accurate?
(Plus, still to me, the wording does have an excessive negativity, but I won't expand on that any further.)
So, fast-forward to the first attempts to unravel the "ping" - mine read like, "Hey something feels off to me" - it's smelling the milk bag and getting a sour smell back. I need to share the joy and "ping" it around, I am looking to see if it's just me or if other people are getting "pings". When you smell the milk bag, and aren't sure, don't you get someone else to smell or taste it too - "Does this taste right to you?" Same kind of idea. It helps to get another opinion, circulate it around, and get response back.
Problem is it seems, some people don't want to help smell the bag, don't even want to look at the bag, just want you to shut up and figure it out yourself or throw the bag away. I respect that. BUT, I would enjoy the courtesy of you saying it politely. And not make light or fun in these threads at a process that is imperative for me to go through to deepen my own understanding of such matters.
And to finish this post, last but not least, many warm-hearted thanks to cascadeco for our great wall conversation yesterday - she was willing to do some back and forth work that helped me process to this point. It is deeply appreciated.
I look forward to feedback on this post. I hope it makes sense.