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Extraverted Feeling: A Quick Reference Guide

PeaceBaby

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OK, please let's not do this. I've noticed the people who have tried to make this an issue are the typical people who make such things issues when it comes to Fi and Fe. PB, I can move your most to What's my Type if you'd like.

I have this book Jaguar referenced. He basically copy + pasted the last part of the chapter about each function where they take defining statements from people who use a particular function. Fe and Fi both have nine pages each as do all functions. The chapters describe each function from the outside in and from the inside out. He choose a breakdown of statements from each Key Feature, which means there's also a lot that I'm sure for the sake of effort was left out.

Maybe those who find these descriptions incomplete should check out the book on google books to see if anything was missed in this summary.

No thanks, I'd rather delete the post if you feel it too off track for this thread.

Because I don't have a question about what my type is ... but I do appreciate your suggestion about exploring the book. Perhaps the summary here is simply too summarized to make me feel like the nuances I want to see are covered.


EDIT: I would appreciate people's suggestions as to why I need to explore this more ... what do you see that I am missing? Is it just about enneagram? Is it more about being SO oriented? To what extent do F values overlap with each other, the origin point of them, what they are fed from.

The need to scratch this itch just encourages other people to try to make me stop scratching, instead of helping me figure out why I am itchy in the first place and offering up a little calamine lotion or something.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
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That's fine. To facilitate you figuring it out, I can move your post to a personal thread.
 

PeaceBaby

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^ I have deleted it myself thanks, and will consider what to do with it in the interim. There are valid points of exploration, so am disappointed you feel we can't do that in this thread. But I can appreciate your perspective.
 

Affably Evil

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(The only aspect of ANY Fe description and discussion I've never been able to wrap my head around is the social convention piece, as I am unable to recognize that within myself and my own behaviors, but that's not to say it shouldn't belong in the description)

Same. I understand social conventions do function as a common language that has been established to signal certain intentions, but I don't really feel much (if any) compulsion to use them because there are all sorts of ways to indicate intent, consciously or not. It's just an extra layer of meaning to add to the collection of data that may or may not be revealing goals or feelings. Oh, you want me to cook for you? Okay, I'll bring my rat poison casserole.

I don't really care about paying lip-service or show team spirit — it's just a way to manipulate/speak that social language — and I'm personally not very involved in many communities. I have no desire to make people feel like they have to act duplicitous with regard to their "true" feelings or what have you for the sake of an institutionalized performance. So it's interesting to me that it gets brought up time and again as a major complaint against Fe, since while it's something that more likely than not belongs in the description it really has almost nothing to do with how I exercise the function in my daily life.

But like you mentioned later, Cascadeco, I agree that enneagram subtype nuances really do come into play for which aspects of a function description are more or less relevant for a person.
 

proteanmix

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As far as the accuracy of the OP list I'm not really concerned if it describes my processes or even most of them because I don't have that expectation. Take what fits and toss the rest.

Anyone is welcome to reply to this thread but I am particularly interested in hearing FJs explain how they experience Fe personally.

I see people usually describing Fe as being at work in group situations but I'm not really in that many group situations. When I'm at work, of course I have to deal with my coworkers but that's a very small group of people, usually about seven others I come into regular contact with. Within my professional life, I have an individual relationship with each person that is the primary basis for interaction, so I don't consider it group but I do recognize it as a particular culture. Any time you get a collection of individuals together, you've got a culture and that's a natural source of interest to me.

This forum is the largest group of people I deal with consistently. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not in enough large group situations to often see my Fe at work in a group setting, or rather the groups shift and change often enough that there's not often one set culture. I'm rarely in a situation where I have to deal with more than 10 people in one setting at once, but I'm often in situations where I have to deal with multiple individuals at once and that always has to be customized and tailored to the particular person.

I see my Fe being manifested in the most stereotypical way here on the forum and I'm going to be honest and say, no I'm not primarily concerned about the "individual." I think "The Forum" as one large unit. I understand that it's made up of individuals, but I really do see it as one whole. What I recognize in myself as a madmin is that I have a very strong, "if you do it for one, do it for all, or do it for none" attitude, I'm really conscious of forum PR, how I've chosen my role of interaction with The Forum, what forum culture is (and what causes shifts in forum culture and how to redirect if necessary), what kind of contribution I can make as part of forum leadership, level and type of discussion, and what is my relationship and alignment with other madmins in the capacity of forum management.

I notice who cliques up with whom on the forum, how people tend to interact with each other. I notice certain people tend to group up in thread together, that certain members have often have life themes they keep mentioning, that certain members tend dominate discussions and how they do it, how out of the scores of regularly posting members we have here how only a handful come to be stand-outs, what brings people here, what keeps them here, what are member stakes in the forum (is it just entertainment to them, do they feel a sense of community, etc.), a bunch of other stuff that comes and goes...this is just some of it.

The other large scale way I see my Fe manifested is through social responsibility. I do feel a very general, but strong sense of social responsibility. I have felt guilty for not volunteering or "giving back" or doing "my part" to fix societal ills. I know this is cliche, but I often think that I'm either part of the problem or part of the solution and being apathetic, (willfully) ignorant, or pushing things to the back of my mind isn't part of the solution.

Now when I zoom into one-on-one dynamics things change quite a bit. This is primarily the realm I see myself operating in. Once again this is where I notice my interest naturally goes and what my inclinations are. These can be in differing levels and depends on how close I feel to the person, how close and intimate we are. This is just a snapshot of things that go through my mind and what I believe my natural sensitivities are, which doesn't mean I'm good at it, just where I naturally go.

I'm sensitive to ramifications, implications, and what is being communicated...what are my actions communicating to another person, what are my words communicating, what are my and the other person's discrepancies and consistencies? What are they saying to me, what do I expect of them, am I being reasonable, what can I realistically expect, what is most likely to happen between me and this other person, what kind of position am I putting them in, and conversely thinking do they realize what position they're putting me in.
I'm sensitive to power balances and tend to see people in relationship to one another and myself to another person. What am I to them?
What is this person typically like? What are their patterns of behavior and thought? What do they want? What are their beliefs and what's important to them? What are their reactions like? How do they typically react to XYZ? What is their baseline? How is this person contextually different?
What kind of tone do I want between me and this person or me and this group of people? How do I approach them?
How is this person or group of people going to fit in my life? How am I going to "zone" them? How much of myself, my energy and my thoughts do I give to them?
What is the context and history between these people, or between myself and this person? What's their background? How do our backgrounds intersect?
How likely is our pattern of interaction with each other to change, is it worth changing, am I invested enough to change myself enough to adapt? Are they invested enough to change?
What's going on in this person's head, why do they think the way they do, how aligned are we, where do we agree/disagree?

I encounter most of my problems with people because I expect this back from them. I wrongly or rightly expect them to go through this when dealing with me and I realize that it doesn't happen most of the time.

The resolution on this can get finer and finer, I can zoom into ONE particular relationship and start dissecting that.

What do things mean between me and this person? What are our personal symbols? What does it mean when we say this or do that? How do I show I care? How do they show me they care? How deeply have they penetrated me and vice versa? How open and free can we be with each other? Do I feel judged? Do they feel judged? Do they feel they can come to me, feel safe with me? Do I feel likewise? How much can be left unsaid between us and how much needs to be explicit? What does it mean when we leave things unsaid...is it trust or something else? How much trust do we have established? Is it OK for me to say that I feel this negative emotion or I need XYZ? Should I expect them to fulfill me this way? Should they expect me to fulfill them in this way, etc. etc.

I have always felt that as a Fe-dom, I'm operating on multiple tracks. Consciously, I tend to operate on these levels, no particular order of importance and I hope that people can see the distinction between these very similar outlooks:

  • how I see me (looking at myself)
  • how other people see me (other people looking at me)
  • how I see other people seeing me (looking at someone looking at me)
  • how I see myself towards other people (looking at me and another person together as a fly on the wall)

I flicker back and forth between these outlooks and how I act and react depends on which outlook I think is most relevant to that particular situation. As you can see, most of my outlooks tend to be outside of myself because that's the outlook I give the most validity and reliability.
 

cascadeco

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Ok, I'll bite.

But you did such an excellent, thorough job of covering various things that I'll be quoting some of it in agreement, and maybe elaborating and then adding a few additional things.

I see people usually describing Fe as being at work in group situations but I'm not really in that many group situations. When I'm at work, of course I have to deal with my coworkers but that's a very small group of people, usually about seven others I come into regular contact with. Within my professional life, I have an individual relationship with each person that is the primary basis for interaction, so I don't consider it group but I do recognize it as a particular culture. Any time you get a collection of individuals together, you've got a culture and that's a natural source of interest to me.
This forum is the largest group of people I deal with consistently. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not in enough large group situations to often see my Fe at work in a group setting, or rather the groups shift and change often enough that there's not often one set culture. I'm rarely in a situation where I have to deal with more than 10 people in one setting at once, but I'm often in situations where I have to deal with multiple individuals at once and that always has to be customized and tailored to the particular person.

Right. I'm actually not one who enjoys, at all, monitoring groups or doing the hostessing thing. That makes me distinctly uncomfortable and on edge, possibly because I would feel a need to be 'on' and attentive/aware of everyone and frankly that's exhausting. So I tend to shy away from that sort of thing and I also tend not to organize many group things, and definitely don't do parties. :laugh: That really speaks more to my not being a dom-Fe, though, I think.

Anyway. I am primarily 1:1 but I also see the context of each individual in the greater whole, and how they interact with everyone else on the team or in the group. This too is a reason I tend to get really on edge on the rare occasion when I set up a group thing with various of my friends who have not met before - i.e. I have my own circle of friends, which includes them, but they each of their own circle, and intersecting their two circles makes me nervous, only because I'm distinctly aware that they might not like each other. In fact what makes me nervous is I'm quite aware from the get-go what one's reaction is likely going to be towards the other, and vice versa, and obviously if I think one isn't going to be totally crazy about the other, it's like it somehow reflects back at me. Or something. Seeing as I'm the common denominator, I guess. Edit: Ooh, an example!! If I introduce Person A to Person B, and Person B says something that I know (based on what I know of Person A) Person A is going to have an adverse reaction to, *I* become extremely uncomfortable/anxious, as I'm now worried about Person A being bothered, as well as there now being a dissonance in the group as a whole. So it's not that I'm uncomfortable with the topic/content (as in my 1:1 interaction with Person B, we might have chatted about that and I myself am ok with it), it's that the topic/content is distressing Person A, Person A might be wondering why I am friends with Person B, what if Person A judges me for that or my relationship with A changes as a result, &etc. Stuff such as that that might be utterly baseless, but that's what's going on in my head.

Work-related stuff. I've said this before on the forums, but I don't consider my mode of interaction, and mode of communication, a huge definer of who I am. It's why I adjust kind of on the fly when communicating with one person to another, so yes, the 1:1 'dynamic', if you will, might be quite different from one person to the other, but my overall 'goal', I suppose, is to maintain clear communication and *make sure everyone is on the same page* in terms of understanding what is going on, or whatever, and to do that with varying personalities means the method of conveying the message is finetuned from one to the other. I guess that's where I see Fe come into play in more of a work/group setting... adjusting, on a 1:1 level, within the group, with all members. Trying to maintain a positive relationship with all. It's important to note that 'positive' does not mean happy&fuzzy&bouncy. 'Positive' is whatever level I'm able to communicate/reach the other person, trying to get at their level. So, I had an uber cranky and cantankerous fellow employee at one point, so I'd just play off of that a bit, and lightly play with her cynicism, more of my own cynical/dark side would come out at times, and I would agree with her basic points half of the time anyway, so we got along great. It's important to point out that from my perspective, I'm not going to totally be false, so if this cantankerous woman said something I happened to disagree with, I wouldn't agree with her, I'd simply note her point and acknowledge her views, but would then show her a counter view, and stand firm in that. This particular woman was actually relatively disliked/disrespected from an organizational/group perspective... she didn't sit well with most because her communication was frankly really poor and she basically ostracized herself from most as a result of her communication itself. The *content* of her communication? Oh, she was quite right on a number of levels. But the way she communicated it was so poor that she was disregarded. I think that's what happens with someone who has virtually no Fe at all.

I notice who cliques up with whom on the forum, how people tend to interact with each other. I notice certain people tend to group up in thread together, that certain members have often have life themes they keep mentioning, that certain members tend dominate discussions and how they do it, how out of the scores of regularly posting members we have here how only a handful come to be stand-outs, what brings people here, what keeps them here, what are member stakes in the forum (is it just entertainment to them, do they feel a sense of community, etc.), a bunch of other stuff that comes and goes...this is just some of it.

Totally. :yes: Can't really add to this, but I'm distinctly aware of all of this as well.

I'm sensitive to ramifications, implications, and what is being communicated...what are my actions communicating to another person, what are my words communicating, what are my and the other person's discrepancies and consistencies? What are they saying to me, what do I expect of them, am I being reasonable, what can I realistically expect, what is most likely to happen between me and this other person, what kind of position am I putting them in, and conversely thinking do they realize what position they're putting me in.

Me as well. The downside of this is a susceptibility to control...being hyper-aware of the consequences of an action of mine, or how the other is likely to respond if I word something one way, and therefore getting caught up in anxiety and worry about my half of things (since I know if I would do something differently or word differently there might be a different outcome), and not being able to let go of their half and realize they're responsible for their reactions and I shouldn't be putting as much weight on my end. In the end I think it's a fine balance, and something I'm always trying to figure out. Needless to say this is a constant element of my existence - that fine line between realizing the impact I in fact DO have on the outcome and whatnot from my end of things, but also needing to learn to let go more of that too.

The 'am I being reasonable' piece is huge, too. This comes into play a lot. It's a big reason why I don't express most of my emotions/reactions.... I know very well they're of the moment, for one thing, so why needlessly express them when they might be a moot point a little bit later? Also, I definitely don't trust my initial reaction, a lot of the time, because I think I might in fact be unreasonable or I want to analyze why I'm reacting/feeling the way I am, to get to the root of it. And I might be quite unreasonable, in the end. You can also replace the word 'unreasonable' with 'unjustified', because that's a common theme too. Am I justified in having this reaction? etc. Which again is why I don't really show much emotion- mostly speaking of negative ones here - I need to go through the internal process of assessing what's going on, and trying to view the situation from all sorts of different angles.

I'm sensitive to power balances and tend to see people in relationship to one another and myself to another person. What am I to them?
What is this person typically like? What are their patterns of behavior and thought? What do they want? What are their beliefs and what's important to them? What are their reactions like? How do they typically react to XYZ? What is their baseline? How is this person contextually different?
What kind of tone do I want between me and this person or me and this group of people? How do I approach them?
How is this person or group of people going to fit in my life? How am I going to "zone" them? How much of myself, my energy and my thoughts do I give to them?
What is the context and history between these people, or between myself and this person? What's their background? How do our backgrounds intersect?
How likely is our pattern of interaction with each other to change, is it worth changing, am I invested enough to change myself enough to adapt? Are they invested enough to change?
What's going on in this person's head, why do they think the way they do, how aligned are we, where do we agree/disagree?

For myself I can't say the depth/number of these questions happens super often, unless it's more subconscious (well, and also, I'm really not out and about enough to be meeting/interacting with any great number of new people - I'm pretty removed in that sense :smile:), but what I can say is that these are the sorts of things that are going on in my head when I'm determining how close we might be able to be, and whether I can see a possible friendship/relationship, etc.

Of utmost importance/concern to me, when it comes to relationships, is: Are we both viewing this relationship in the same light? If we aren't, that's a problem. If one sees it much deeper than the other, then that doesn't jive so well with me. I strive for and seek out relationships that are relatively equal. So. If I meet someone and we hang out for a bit, and I come to sense that they are more invested in it than I, that makes me really, really uncomfortable, as I don't see it as being very fair. I don't want to lead them on, nor am I comfortable knowing they want more, or are prioritizing it more, than I can give. So I very well will let it go or I will formally end it. Works the other way, too. If I am really invested in it, and they aren't, I'll extricate myself from it. I think I may be on the more extreme end when it comes to this sort of thing. While I think the 'everyone being on the same page' and 'are we both viewing it in the same light' has a lot to do with Fe, my particular manner of dealing with discrepancies might not be. I guess I just don't see a point of being in a relationship in a half-assed way, most especially when the other feels quite differently about it. It seems really 'off' to me. Selfish to stay in it knowing the other person wants more, and unselfish (in a bad/destructive way) for me to stay in one where I'm obviously not getting as much out of it as I desire or as I need.

This isn't to say I don't have acquaintances in my life, because I do. There are people who I chat with in certain social circles, who I only see a handful of times a year, and that's all it is - we don't really keep in touch outside of those pleasantries in group settings. That's fine. That's one thing. What I'm talking about above is the situation where one is wanting to build something deeper and change the nature of the relationship, and the other just isn't down with that, for whatever reason.
 

Arclight

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Fe Values the group more than the individual. What some people don't seem to understand is how subjective and personal that is anyway. The group can just be two people. Like a relationship. The state of the relationship reflects the health of those involved.
If the group is unhealthy then it means the individual components are not healthy and the focus will then change to a more personal level, but the end will always be the health of the group.

The outer world does not need to change to suit the individual, The individual needs to change to suit the outer world or the "ideal" outer world.

The Fe user has to live in a world shared by others, so it seeks harmony with the outer world.
Unhealthy Fe will attempt to manipulate the outer world to fit it's ideals, regardless if it is actually good for the group.

Doesn't sound so fluffy when you look it like that, eh?

This is just my understanding of things.. Don't quote me.
 

Eric B

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There is def a dark side to Fe but it might seem hidden as it effects the user more obviously than others. Perhaps it's secondary Fe users I'm talking about. Idk. The way I view it is that other's needs are in sharp focus, (I know what they need, even when they don't!) but my own needs are something remote to me. I don't even really think about my needs in the day to day. In the long term that leads to minimizing oneself. Very unhealthy way to live.

Being other focused makes it hard work to maintain your own boundaries to be an equal partner in a relationship. Which is what one needs to have good relationships. I think I have set myself up in the past to not get what I really want because I am so low key about my own needs that for all intents and purposes, I don't let a partner take care of me.

So, what I think of as having "Fe sensibilities" can make a person very vulnerable and unhappy without really knowing why. Fe users can land squarely on the codependent side of things if they aren't careful.

Fe users need to work hard to develop good boundaries. I think those Fe users who don't have good boundaries when outwardly projecting are the ones who try to steamroll others and can smother others but Fe users who turn it inward can end up in all kinds of knots which make them a little hard to really know. There is another life going on inside. (As I think INFJs are, not exclusively but much of the time.)

...I also wonder if Fe is linked to the INFJ doorslam. Give, give, give, give, suddenly realize to your own horror that you are being taken advantage of, doorslam to protect self. Must be really confusing from an outsider's POV. Better to monitor boundaries more closely from the outset.
That would be both Fe and its shadow, "Witch" Fi. As Orange mentioned, there's really only one Feeling function, so the attitudes are but different sides of the same coin, as are the archetypes (complexes) associated with them for each type.

Fe as aux. is the "parent" function, and if this is negated (taken advantage of, not appreciated, etc), it will trigger the shadow, where the person then authoritatively maintains their own internal value system, which is normally suppressed in favor of the group ethic, but now erupts in a sharp, hostile fashion, and cuts off the offender (Hass & Hunziker associated Fi with cutting off people, and on the Fi thread, a person objected to that, but perhaps H&H were generalizing the function in any role).

Apparently, for other types (including even ISFJ which has Fe in the same position), which are not attributed this "door slam", the other functions will affect the reaction so that it does not come out the same way. So it would be dominant Ni would also figure somehow in the door slam. Perhaps fitting the person in a particular archetypal role (not the function archetypes mentioned above; there are hundreds of archetypes Ni can reference), and from there realizing that the relationship is hopeless and will need to end.
 

cafe

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At this point in my life, I look at things primarily in terms of my family. I've been a stay-at-home wife and mother for most of my adult life and my identity rests heavily in how I perform in those roles.

I want to maintain a good relationship with my husband. I want to be fair to my children and provide for them an environment that fosters their emotional health and transition into independent adults. We are individuals, but we are also a unit and the good of the whole effects the good of each individual just as the good of the individual effects the well-being of the unit.

In our house, we have formal and informal rules. Some of the rules are rules that have been passed down to my husband or I through religion or family. Some are ones we've created to allow the family to live in peace and at least a minimum standard of health. Sometimes individuals are put ahead of the family if they have particular needs. Overall function, harmony, and enjoyment are at the heart of the way things are done. Things change over time to adapt to changing needs.

All of this is done imperfectly, sometimes inconsistently, and often chaotically as might be expected in a household of two IN parents with four children.

I greatly value efficiency -- I need for things to work. When something is not working, I focus on the problem until I feel I have a handle on it and work at fixing it as best I can. I do this because I don't want to keep having to think about it all the time -- it's an interruption from things I'd rather be doing.

Like Proteanmix, I feel like I need to put my money where my mouth is in terms of values. If something is truly important to me, I feel I should be actively involved in improving the situation. This is hard sometimes, though, because I already have a pretty full plate of responsibilities with just caring for the family. I tend to choose one or two things and give them a set amount of attention.

I do not feel like I have to be active in every cause presented to me though. People often try to recruit me for Autism-related groups because my two sons are autistic. I do not like some of the methods and goals of the Autism groups I have encountered and though I am in favor of increasing awareness and protecting the rights of the disabled, I really only want to know what I need to know to help my own two sons. Autism is not a windmill I feel compelled to tilt at.

I value family and friends and loyalty -- when someone has a crisis, I try to make myself available as much as I can, often putting other things on the back burner for a time. As an Ni, dominant, however, I'm not particularly good with the mundane things like arranging food and practical stuff like that. I'm better at being a listening ear and being available for gophering.

It has taken time to learn to make a place for myself -- I don't particularly value the whole concept of self-love, but I have learned that in order to be functional and to be able to do what I do for others with a good attitude and without resentment, I need to look after myself just like I would anyone else. It's part of my job and admittedly it has become one of my favorite parts.
 

Billy

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I think it's a great description.

(The only aspect of ANY Fe description and discussion I've never been able to wrap my head around is the social convention piece, as I am unable to recognize that within myself and my own behaviors, but that's not to say it shouldn't belong in the description)

A buddy of mine who is an ENFJ once said that he felt people describe Fe mostly from a sensor perspective which focuses more on a S based Fe's need to fit in, whereas N based Fe is a little different usually. Fe for me, comes much in the form of teaching the kids how to be strong and independent and focusing on their needs to grow specific traits like critical thinking and learning to be independent, because I feel those are beneficial traits. I guess a Si based Fe would be more to fit everything into a mold as opposed to mine which is to individualize the person as much as possible so that they think more abstractly. a Ni + Fe or Fe + Ni combo vs a Si based combo would do things more then likely out of the system since Ni thinks around systems and Si adheres to them.
 

sculpting

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I'm sensitive to ramifications, implications, and what is being communicated...what are my actions communicating to another person, what are my words communicating, what are my and the other person's discrepancies and consistencies? What are they saying to me, what do I expect of them, am I being reasonable, what can I realistically expect, what is most likely to happen between me and this other person, what kind of position am I putting them in, and conversely thinking do they realize what position they're putting me in.
I'm sensitive to power balances and tend to see people in relationship to one another and myself to another person. What am I to them?
What is this person typically like? What are their patterns of behavior and thought? What do they want? What are their beliefs and what's important to them? What are their reactions like? How do they typically react to XYZ? What is their baseline? How is this person contextually different?
What kind of tone do I want between me and this person or me and this group of people? How do I approach them?
How is this person or group of people going to fit in my life? How am I going to "zone" them? How much of myself, my energy and my thoughts do I give to them?
What is the context and history between these people, or between myself and this person? What's their background? How do our backgrounds intersect?
How likely is our pattern of interaction with each other to change, is it worth changing, am I invested enough to change myself enough to adapt? Are they invested enough to change?
What's going on in this person's head, why do they think the way they do, how aligned are we, where do we agree/disagree?

I encounter most of my problems with people because I expect this back from them. I wrongly or rightly expect them to go through this when dealing with me and I realize that it doesn't happen most of the time.

The resolution on this can get finer and finer, I can zoom into ONE particular relationship and start dissecting that.

What do things mean between me and this person? What are our personal symbols? What does it mean when we say this or do that? How do I show I care? How do they show me they care? How deeply have they penetrated me and vice versa? How open and free can we be with each other? Do I feel judged? Do they feel judged? Do they feel they can come to me, feel safe with me? Do I feel likewise? How much can be left unsaid between us and how much needs to be explicit? What does it mean when we leave things unsaid...is it trust or something else? How much trust do we have established? Is it OK for me to say that I feel this negative emotion or I need XYZ? Should I expect them to fulfill me this way? Should they expect me to fulfill them in this way, etc. etc.

I am sorry, I do not mean to distract from the Fe flow of the conversation as it is very enlightening and I do not mean to start Fi/Fe arguments....But the above is striking to me. How do you keep all of that stuff in your head at once? I guess with people I have emotional bonds to-I say exactly what I mean and expect the same from them...to be honest, the most important things are never said...they are glances, touches..and it is all so incredibly reactive and in the moment-very little planning.

What you describe above is how I approach ideas, problems to be solved-but all phrased in actions, deliverables, requests Te style. The questions never focus on a person-but instead upon a desired objective outcome, even if the outcome is in terms of actions of a person? I dunno. Yeah, sorry, lots of "I"s. The main point-that was an really awesome summary of how you use Fe to analyze relationships and gives much appreciated insight. Thanks for taking the time to write it up.
 
V

violaine

Guest
Anyway, carry on Fe-ers about how hard it makes your life to be so giving & selfless :rolli: .

How is anyone supposed to take this comment? Posters were explaining how Fe makes one's life difficult at times (the aspect of Fe that we, the Fe-users, wanted to discuss at that moment in response to some of the posts made.) Is that not ok because it didn't unfurl in a certain way? Don't really care though. Just pointing out an inconsistency - comments like that (where a poster doesn't entertain another person's view) make it hard to take seriously discussions wherein they may want exactly that for themselves.

It's a shame this thread died. It was interesting talking about how Fe manifests for a user personally, internally. I don't find it easy. I have great difficulty balancing my needs with the needs of others most of the time. I drop off the face of the earth at times because I'm so overloaded. Anyone else do that for that reason?

Hope this kicks off again (though I don't have much time to be here atm.)
 
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