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  1. #1
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    Default Typology and Mothers.

    I have noticed a definite trend in regard to mothers, their apparent type and peoples perception of that said type.
    Mostly it's very negative.

    So, I guess I am curious if I am just imagining things or this is a real trend.

    Do you know your Mothers type?
    Has it had a positive, negative or no affect on you in regard to that type?

  2. #2
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    I think my biological mother is ESFP. My grandmother, who was with me in the mothering role for 99% of my formative years (birth through age 6) was most likely ISFJ. The woman my grandfather married following her death I think now was actually ESTJ.

    I like ISFJs the best and ESTJs the least of the three. Think of that what you will.

    Perhaps I should describe them more. My grandmother, as she is remembered by not only me but my mother, was "the perfect lady" who kept a very clean, orderly house that was filled with plants. She liked children and dogs, and taught Sunday School. When she was employed she was a secretary. She was a very kind, nurturing, shy woman. However, my mother says she had that "icy frigidaire" quality I've heard some people complain about in ISFJs. I have no idea if she was a prude or a bit icy because she died before I was old enough to pick up on such qualities. She was a wonderful, wonderful human being. She also is the one who managed to get my grandfather to quit drinking (this is before I was born.)

    My ESFP mother is fun, funny, spontaneous, and when she was younger she was sexy and "cool." She used to be quite adventurous and irresponsible. She's always been warm and caring, but she wasn't a very dependable or stable person as a young woman. Sometimes I think she's a little stupid, honestly, but as she's aged she's become quite a good mother: cooking, cleaning, watching over her adult children. She merrily keeps house and tends over her dogs and grandchildren. She's a very easy going person, unless she gets pissed off, then she acts totally irrational and is kind of scary. She's also a great cook and she's pretty good at art. When she was younger she was quite athletic. My mom is a fun person, though, I can't stress that enough and she won't yell at you for not wiping your feet or anything nit-picky like that. She'll get totally pissed, too, and then let it go and forgive, which is nice.

    My grandfather's ESTJ wife I first thought might have been ESFJ, but now I don't think so. I think she appeared ESFJ in some regards because of being a woman of her generation, but she ran a tight ship, was extremely overbearing, outspoken, and perfectionistic, and seemed more concerned with duty than people. She was pretty sharp, too, I must say - intelligent certainly, in her way - and really awesome at providing structure and what she "should do" as a parental figure. Otherwise she was bossy, loud, yelled a lot, scared my friends, offended my neighbors occasionally, and had delusions of grandeur in the sense that she wanted to be like a rich, powerful person. A thoroughly unpleasant human being in many ways, I still am eternally grateful to her for the strength that she taught me to have. For her generation she was quite a "liberated" woman I suppose. Pretty damn strong and independent and forceful.

  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    my mother actually introduced me to the MBTI... she is quite proud to be an ISFJ and for what it's worth, she's an awesome mom
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4

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    My mother is an ESFP. I can appreciate my mother's warmth and depth of caring, which I find in other ESFPs. However, there is a kind of histrionic and flustered quality that annoys me to no end about her, and that I am sensitive to in other ESFPs.

    I don't think that my mother's type has had a large effect in how I perceive that MBTI type per se, but it has had an effect in how I perceive interpersonal relationships between types. My father is an INTP. He couldn't communicate well with my mother and was somewhat oblivious to the small, caring things she would do for him. My mother had certain "common sense" expectations of my father that he didn't care to follow, and while she was aware of his intelligence and creativity I don't think she could fully appreciate it. They also had very different expectations in how children were raised, in that my mother believed that the parent is the unconditional guardian/provider, while my father believed that children are still individuals who should make and deal with their own decisions. Most likely my mother felt frustrated and my father felt isolated in their marriage (they are divorced now). But they also shared a sense of adventure and enjoyment of life together, that I'm sure was what initially attracted them to each other.

    Growing up, I was very close with my father and shared a lot of the same interests as him, like math, technology, science fiction, puzzles/games (I'm an ISTP). I actually have a soft spot for and a bit of insight into INTPs because of my relationship with him, and this has had a greater effect in how I perceive others of his type than my mother's type. Now, I am much closer to my mother, but this is probably a female thing and not necessarily type-related. My sister (INTJ) was always much closer to our mother--though they constantly argue--and in their cores they're very similar. She and our father don't even speak the same language, let alone have much of a relationship.

    My mother remarried to an INTJ. My father remarried to an ESTJ. They are both very happy now.

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Do you know your Mothers type?
    I've typed her as ISFJ. She has taken (bad) MBTI tests on facebook and gets a variety of answers....the only consistency is F. I considered INFJ for her initially also (as she has some NF-like interests at times), but Si-dom REALLY makes sense for her.

    I'll include my grandma since she is something like a 2nd mom to me....she's ESFJ, and the description fits her to a T. She's never taken the test & probably never will.

    Has it had a positive, negative or no affect on you in regard to that type?
    No effect. I know a lot of ISFJs. Some are cool, some not. I have two friends I'd consider semi-close who are ISFJ. They're both genuinely sweet & very perceptive people.

    My mom is an ISFJ I like also, and not just because she is my mom. My mom is very smart, very caring, and a good mom all around (but not without her flaws either of course, and we do clash at times).

    My ESFJ grandma is a good grandma & we are close, but there have been more gaps to bridge in our personalities. I do have a harder time in general with ESFJ women than ISFJ women. I don't necessarily dislike them, but I feel greatly misunderstood & unfairly judged a lot. I don't have a lot of experience with SFJ men that I know of; sometimes I think I scare them a little.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #6
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Never been able to figure this out. She is an NF but that's all I know for sure. I avoided dating NF types when I was younger so her type definitely did affect me.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  7. #7
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think my mom is an ESFP. She is nice and fun and pretty easy going about a lot of stuff. Age has caught up with her to a degree, but she was always a beautiful, vivacious woman. At 62 she seems to have a lot more energy than me. She has made a lot of really bad decisions, especially where men are concerned. She always has something she's obsessed with and expects everyone else to hop on the band wagon.

    Really, she did a lot of things right raising my brothers and I, but there wasn't a lot of stability.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Really, she did a lot of things right raising my brothers and I, but there wasn't a lot of stability.
    Interesting. My INTJ sister says the exact same thing coming from a family of P-types.

  9. #9
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ingenue View Post
    Interesting. My INTJ sister says the exact same thing coming from a family of P-types.
    We moved eleven times that I can remember by the time I graduated from high school -- generally for no specific reason. I didn't meet my dad or know who he was until I was until I was 27 years old. Between the serious boyfriends, fiances, and step-dads I had ten pseudo-fathers -- usually there were multiple break-ups/divorces with each one. Sometimes we had utilities shut off or didn't have working appliances.

    It isn't like she didn't love me or wasn't a good mom, she just couldn't get the hang of being a grown-up or something, I guess.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    We moved eleven times that I can remember by the time I graduated from high school -- generally for no specific reason. I didn't meet my dad or know who he was until I was until I was 27 years old. Between the serious boyfriends, fiances, and step-dads I had ten pseudo-fathers -- usually there were multiple break-ups/divorces with each one. Sometimes we had utilities shut off or didn't have working appliances.

    It isn't like she didn't love me or wasn't a good mom, she just couldn't get the hang of being a grown-up or something, I guess.
    Wow!! My mother is an ESFP.. and your childhood sounds quite familiar to mine.. We were always moving and being introduced to the new patriarch,
    By the time I was 16 I had had lived in 5 different cities and I estimate about 12-15 different dwellings. I was "raised" by 5 different men.
    We were so impoverished at times I slept on the floor. And things like the power would be shut off and all.
    My mom meant well.. But she just couldn't help putting herself first and she had awful taste in men..
    Lots of abuse.
    The thing is, I am not sure how much of it affected me. I have never really had a problem with my mother consciously nor my upbringing.
    I just figured I have always had a choice and have made lots of bad ones.
    Also.. some of the stories I heard from friends about what went on in their houses, made mine seem pretty normal in a fucked up way.

    My mom has always been a kind of hero to me.
    Go Figure.

    And she evetually grew up and got a BA is Psychology and an MA in Sociology .. and she is a teacher now.
    stayed with the same man for 25 years and adopted 3 children and my is also in legal custody of my sister's kid.

    My Hypnotherapist said my adult relationships did way more damage to me than my childhood.

    My mom is all right as far as I am concerned.

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