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  1. #81
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2010
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    My mom is an ISFP and I'm an INTP.

    I always felt like I was responsible for 'helping' her due to her emotionality. My lack of emotional response both frustrated her, and caused her to think I was okay in certain situations, when I most definitely was not 'ok'. Our different types of intensity definitely caused some clashes over the years.

    For the most part - we shared some similiar interests and really enjoy each other's company. Now that I am an adult - we are a great team - although I don't always trust her conclusions as her needs are different from my own. My absent mindedness was a source of conflict - and I was lost when I moved out, as I drowned in the mundane daily tasks that were invisible prior due to her ocd and incredible organizational skills. I never did recover completely!

    It helped that my younger brother is entp - as it gave both my parents another shot at a similiar personality type - so they 'got' that it WAS personality type and not just moral failure (lazy, procrastinator, slob) which was my stepfather's conclusion - not my mother's. I think enough of those skills did wear off on me to keep me more balanced, but when kids came into my picture - and 2/3 are more like me - I couldn't keep up. With just me - or one or two others, I tend to do just fine. Three boys and a hubby and I was completely overwhelmed.

    Example: Boy, aged 8 - 'Mom! Where are my shoes?' Mom (me) incredulous look with an eyebrow raised, "How the heck should I know, where are MY shoes?" (mainly to give an example to said boy of the absurdity of his request, since obviously he has NO investment in knowing where mom's shoes are.....) Course, I do take my boys to late showings of movies, and stay up and discuss things late at night (always the time when they are 'ready' to talk). Really, really hoping these things balance out in the end......

  2. #82
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Apr 2010
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    My mother was most likely ESFJ. She had many ESFP tendencies: was quite fun-loving, spontaneous, even frivolous; loved to entertain people and to be the life of the party. I see her as ESFJ, though, because of her extensive reliance on Fe. She was very concerned with social expectations, etiquette, etc. She cared deeply about what others thought of her, and tried to please others and gain their good opinion. She would sometimes compliment someone about something, then criticize them for that same thing as soon as they were gone. As a child, I could not fathom the inconsistency or perhaps even hypocrisy of this. She was one of the most illogical people I have ever known, and in her later years, when suffering from ill health, became quite whining and manipulative.

    Paradoxically for all that, I was actually quite close to her growing up. She and my ISTJ father (a very complementary combination) provided a very stable, secure, and nurturing home. My father reined in her frivolous tendencies, and she got him to raise his nose from the grindstone on a regular basis. For a child, she could be alot of fun to be with. She did things with me, introduced me to new experiences, and was never stingy with her time or attention. To her credit, she also recognized my need for solitude and independence, and to large degree, accommodated it. I am sure that the depth and consistency of her love for me, and the social training which seemed so pointless and oppressive as a child, have deterred me from some of the worst proclivities of my own type. She was a schoolteacher by profession, and seemed to have a gift of being able to teach all types of students effectively, from the bright and studious to the slow and unmotivated, even kids with discipline problems.

    As for how my experience with her colors my view of ESFJs in general: if anything, it may cause me to understand them a bit better, and not fixate on either the pluses or minuses of the type. She certainly had some of each, as do we all.

  3. #83
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    She consistently annoyed the hell out of me.

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