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  1. #11
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    My mother is a Fe dom and a very negative, unhealthy, controlling ENFJ.
    Fe freaks me out to no end. (Sorry guys.)

    She means well. She does a lot, works endlessly. But she is extremely emotionally manipulative, has no idea how to be nurturing, sometimes switches to become a child, lots of temper tantrums, guilt....guilt.....guilt......guilt. Completely irrational and worries about everything.

  2. #12

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    Yeah, wow x 2 !!

    My upbringing is not nearly as dramatic as both above, but there are things that surely bothered my INTJ sister... like how we were latchkey kids, were home alone a lot (as young as me@7 and her@4), moved a lot because of my dad's career (we were academic brats, parallels military brats in many ways). My sister says she had to create her own stable lifestyle for herself because all of us were off-the-wall, from her perspective.

    As far as scarring from mothers go, I think there is a lot to be said of my INFP boyfriend. His mother is an INFJ who suffered from schizophrenia. Now he is deathly afraid of INFJ women.

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ESFJ, and very positive.

    if there's one word for her, it's nurturing. i had a really bizarre childhood thanks to a medical condition but i always felt like the whole world was open to me, thanks to her. i also think i'm way more socially competent and practical, and less flighty, than i would be otherwise, thanks to her.

    i've noticed that sometimes people on these boards will talk shit about ESFJs (and Si) and it pisses me off, since i know firsthand how awesome ESFJs can be.

    though, the guilt thing is hard to deal with. when she and my ISFJ grandma get together, they can be very intimidating with the guilt tripping. once i got caught in between them both thinking i wasn't doing enough to help the other and i felt trapped in a corner and eventually just broke down. they didn't see what they were doing at all, but essentially they were both guilt tripping me then refusing to let me help them because they each wanted me to help the other one. it was like the perfect SFJ storm.

  4. #14
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I'm beginning to think my mother might be an INFJ, but when she took a test from a book she got ISFJ. She seems to have 'feelings' about almost everything. She is very consistent though, and repetitive. I'm sure these are all stereotypes. She doesn't believe she raised me and my brother well. This I don't believe. She was and is amazing.

  5. #15
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    My mom's an ENFP...

    Superficially, when people see us together, they assume we're a lot alike (which with Ne it would appear so)...but get past that we're complete opposites (as she would be my enigma as an ESTP).

    I've always looked up to my mom as a role model though. I always admired her headstrong personality and have always wished to develop my meek and lame self as a child into someone as confident as her. I believe I have succeeded, for the most part.

    She's had an...'extreme' effect on me, if you will. I don't really see other ENFPs quite like her, since I know a ton of ENFPs and they're all pretty much totally different from each other, although they function the same way. I'll have very negative feelings against her, and also very positive. I stated somewhere else that I can't stand her sounding like she is trying to control my life, and how she also contradicts herself in every way possible. She can be bipolar, histrionic, and paranoid when she's stressed, and for whatever reason she vents to me about it.

    She's a dietician, and her work's been rough on her lately. I remember a time where I could talk about everything and anything with her, and nowadays whenever I see her she's sleeping or just plain exhausted.
    I might say I admire her work ethic, though.

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    I'm beginning to think my mother might be an INFJ, but when she took a test from a book she got ISFJ. She seems to have 'feelings' about almost everything. She is very consistent though, and repetitive. I'm sure these are all stereotypes. She doesn't believe she raised me and my brother well. This I don't believe. She was and is amazing.
    That sounds a lot like my ISFJ mom - she says similar things. My mom has "feelings" also, but they seem to me to be rooted in Feeling judgments by reading people emotionally and picking up on sensory clues, not so much intuitions. I think it's some Si memory recall, where there's a mental catalog of info to pull up the most likely explanation for something.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    My Mum is and ISFJ and a positive influence.

    She is much more giving and considerate to others than I could ever be. I am so grateful that she accepted and supported me on my own terms, despite our vast differences, which I realize now is not something to be undervalued. She encouraged me to active engage in the world around me, to colour outside the lines and to think more deeply and broadly, as well as strongly influencing a lot of my cultural and artistic knowledge/interests. She's a fantastic mother.

    I do, however, feel the flaws of the type keenly; her emotional outbursts, nagging and negativity really get to me. Her flaws have affected me so much I am extremely determined to prevent them from become mine. One of the reasons I am so (outwardly) emotionally restrained is due to years of observing just how unappealing her histrionics are.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  8. #18
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    My mom is an ESFJ. She really busts her ass to do stuff for me (and family/friends in general). She is pretty open-minded when it comes to other people. She likes when we hang around on days I'm home and debate and talk about all sorts of things. She says I make things interesting to talk about on a more thought-out level. This is something she doesn't get from my ISTx stepdad. I think she will miss me a lot when I move out. =[

    The only negative thing about her is that she tends to display a martyr complex. This isn't uncommon for SFJs I heard. It can be redundant and self-fulfilling but for all the things she does it's not a big deal. Also, when she gets angry she has to let everyone in the world know by acting on it loudly.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Wow!! My mother is an ESFP.. and your childhood sounds quite familiar to mine.. We were always moving and being introduced to the new patriarch,
    By the time I was 16 I had had lived in 5 different cities and I estimate about 12-15 different dwellings. I was "raised" by 5 different men.
    We were so impoverished at times I slept on the floor. And things like the power would be shut off and all.
    My mom meant well.. But she just couldn't help putting herself first and she had awful taste in men..
    Lots of abuse.

    Wow. Sounds like what my sisters went through. That's why I can't help but be thankful for my SJ grandparents. I really love SJs, though I do have a much better relationship with my mom NOW THAT I'M 30.

  10. #20
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    My mother is an ENTJ. A borderline emotionally abusive ENTJ. She was very strict, especially when it came to academics. However, she is what I would call 'a realist'. Many of the parents in my area were conservative Christians who refused to acknowledge that their children would dare drink or have premarital sex. My mother made it very clear that I was allowed to tell her about these things and they she would be happy to help me get birth control, condoms, whatever. She allowed me to go to parties when I was underage as long as she always knew whose house I was at, and if I needed to leave I wouldn't try to drive myself. (That is - I was allowed to do all of this as long as my grades remained perfect. If I had dare received a B in a class.... I don't even want to know what kind of hellfire would have rained upon me.)

    We had a very rocky relationship when I lived in the house. Probably typical teenage daughter fighting shit. Now that I have moved out, I would go so far as to say that she is my best friend. I confide in her about most everything that goes on in my life, and 90% of the time she offers reasonable advice. I'm grateful to her for both the 'leg-up' she gave me in pushing me academically, as well as the financial support I got from her while I was getting my bachelors degree.

    As far as how that compares to my romantic relationships... I consider ENTJ my best match. I've been in a relationship with an ENTJ for almost 6 years (6 year anniversary is in 14 days). There have been MANY occasions where he has done something/made a comment that has made me turn at him and say, "Oh dear god, I'm dating my mother."
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

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