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  1. #51
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    No one ever fell in love with Steve Urkel.
    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Urkel was supposed to resemble the INTJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    I know...
    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I hate it when that happens

    *hug*


    Its ponderous, but you might need a new archetype for your pity.
    Myra did. And in the end he got Laura, the only one he wanted.
    Last edited by Vasilisa; 10-29-2010 at 02:27 PM. Reason: moar
    the formless thing which gives things form!
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  2. #52
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maydelle View Post
    Being an INTJ myself I've noticed that in any type of relationship I've ever had
    I have not been able (or willing) to give back as much intensity as I've received.

    What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
    BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.
    Falling in love ("limerance" etc) and staying there are different things. I was in love with an INTJ, and yes, emotional distance over time was one factor in our breakup. I actually had no idea how much he still cared until the very end. Not showing any signs of affection seems extreme even for an INTJ. The key is not to let yourself as an INTJ get into the mechanized roles of reflexive action ("I love you" at the end of every phone call is nice, but I'd rather save it for when it's felt).
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  3. #53
    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
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    The title asks if you can fall in love with an INTJ yet the post asks if you can fall in love with someone who shows no signs of love or affection whatsoever. Is there supposed to be some correlation between the two?

    And the answer to the second question is this. I should hope not, as it would be stupid and unhealthy. It's about the same as falling live with a brick or a psychopath. There is no point in loving someone unless they love you back and to do so you must have very low standards or be under an idealistic delusion.

    To the first question, probably.
    JiNe
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    "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

    "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

  4. #54
    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
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    The title asks if you can fall in love with an INTJ yet the post asks if you can fall in love with someone who shows no signs of love or affection whatsoever. Is there supposed to be some correlation between the two?

    And the answer to the second question is this. I should hope not, as it would be stupid and unhealthy. It's about the same as falling live with a brick or a psychopath. There is no point in loving someone unless they love you back and to do so you must have very low standards or be under an idealistic delusion.

    To the first question, probably.
    JiNe
    Ti | Fi | Ne | Si | Te | Ni | Fe | Se
    Enneagram: 5w4 sx/sp

    "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

    "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."

  5. #55
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post

    Its ponderous, but you might need a new archetype for your pity.
    Myra did. And in the end he got Laura, the only one he wanted.
    I choose not to acknowledge that.

  6. #56
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    What about Myra? She LOVED Steve! And I thought he was kind of awesome too

    I'm with an INTJ, and I think that his ways of showing love are more logical and less emotional. For example, he'll make sure I have food for the day or that I've organized my trip completely. I'll say "I love you" or "you're the best thing that ever happened to me," (and I mean it). I think many of the commenters have hit the nail on the head when they say that there are different ways of expressing love, and the 5 love languages are a very helpful way to think about it. Whether the five love languages are type-specific, I don't know.

    Maybe where this thread began is that the INTJs ways of expressing love are less conventional, that is, less valentine's day and romantic comedies. But as other people have said, this doesn't mean the strength of their love is any less. I really think it is how love is shown. My INTJ doesn't always show empathy or engage with the emotional side of something -- he might get you the thing you need before you need it or tell you exactly what he thinks you should do (and is usually right), but that might be challenging when empathy/perspective/affirmation is what I need. And maybe this difference in needs is type-related, but the love languages is a helpful tool for looking at it.

    Whew - this was long. Hope it helps!

  7. #57
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maydelle View Post
    Being an INTJ myself I've noticed that in any type of relationship I've ever had
    I have not been able (or willing) to give back as much intensity as I've received.

    What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
    BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.
    Well, no healthy person would say yes, yes of course I would and I love it.

    Quote Originally Posted by maydelle View Post

    In my opinion love needs to be earned not something that you can just give away based on how fun that person is, their looks or stupid stuff like that.
    Looks are not stupid stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    It takes a relatively long time (for me) to trust someone enough to let my hair down and want to do all of the 'fun bubbly' ExxP boring and irrelevant nonsense with them. *glares at Strawberries and Halla for throwing rocks at a 17 post member*
    Yes. Long time.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    Wow. You just described every relationship I've ever been in. And yet I keep coming back for more. So to answer your question - yes, I have and yes, I would. But I kind of don't give a shit about myself like that.
    Great. You're a masochist. Since you recognize your behavior I hope you are able to end this cycle when it comes to choosing a partner. If not, don't bitch that you can't find a fulfilling relationship.



    What I hate, and I mean vehemently hate is this idea that because one is an INTJ they are totally unable to learn when it comes to relationships, social behavior and deep feelings. Especially the deep feelings. We show our love with action, yes that's our natural way. That doesn't fucking mean we can't say I love you. It doesn't mean we are oblivious to traditional acknowledgments of love such as flowers, dates, being spoiled and pampered, giving or receiving (we have a harder time with receiving). So, we can learn, we are fully capable of doing it and maybe there will come a point when INTJ's could be as awesome as ENFJ's when it comes to smothering their loved one with looooove.

    Ok maybe that's a stretch but you know what I'm getting at.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #58
    Senior Member edchidna1000's Avatar
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    It is the frigidness of INTJs that makes them attractive. The types that constantly need displays of affection to feel good about themselves simply wouldn't be attractive to many INTJs in the first place. Also, any positive affect shown by an INTJ will be well earned. My only critique is that the unwillingness of an INTJ to show attraction may make starting a relationship difficult.

    You're an INTJ student in London, yes?
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  9. #59
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    I was with an INTJ for 9 years. We got together when we were young (and his longest relationship prior to me was only a few months). The lack of affection was definitely an issue...the funny thing is it was more of an issue for him. It bothered him that he didn't want to be affectionate with me (he wasn't affectionate with anyone that I ever saw). So he proceeded to try and "fix" me to make him want to be affectionate, "Maybe if you worked out more, maybe if you wear make-up all the time, maybe if you say this, maybe if you do that, then I will want to be affectionate." It wasn't until after we divorced that he realized it was him not me (because he didn't want to be affectionate with anyone after the butterfly stage passed). I could have told him that!

    I hope he is having better luck in his current relationship now that he is older and wiser
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #60
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    If someone doesn't show affection then I'm out... so by what you've described no.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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