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  1. #1
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Default How does one develop Fe?

    How does one improve their "social graces" or desire to "connect" with others?

    I find it's difficult because it feels so fake and insincere, almost like you're putting on a face.
    Weathergirl: District 38 is sunny. Slight rock showers this morning. Chance of rock showers into the afternoon—20 percent. District 39 is cloudy. Chance of rock showers this afternoon—10 percent.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Listen to people and try and gauge what it is they're seeking. A compliment? Recognition? Admiration? Belonging? Don't criticize them, just look to understand and master motivation.

    Definitely read Games People Play. It's incredible. I wrote about here a bit in this thread and this one.

  3. #3
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    It's not the desire to connect in itself that would get you there, but the people themselves. If you can, find what you can appreciate and care about them. Maybe you won't be bubbling with "F behavior" or anything, but that's probably good enough

  4. #4
    Senior Member rowingineden's Avatar
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    I don't know, I guess I just saw it as useful (to get what I want more) and learned how to do it a little over time.
    "You get what you're given, it's all how you use it."
    Pink - "God is a DJ"

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    How does one improve their "social graces" or desire to "connect" with others?

    I find it's difficult because it feels so fake and insincere, almost like you're putting on a face.
    Stop trying to "connect" and just use "social grace". Its only fake and insincere to yourself, but its true and sincere to people around you.

    An internal feeling of fake could be caused because you feel like you are misleading the other person or that when someone does it to you you feel like you are mislead. I am only saying this because others(not everyone, so lets just say 50% of the population) dont feel fake when they do it, so its something inside of you, though alot of others face this same "feeling fake and insincere" inside of them. Its just different between people.

    If you focus on the connection then it will appear fake, but the other person is not focused on "connecting", but socializing with you so to them it is not fake.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #6
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    send birthday cards for birthdays and condolences cards when someone is sick. and stay in contact with people you really don't care about. Call them constantly and get an update on how their dog is doing.


    Actually,

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Listen to people and try and gauge what it is they're seeking. A compliment? Recognition? Admiration? Belonging? Don't criticize them, just look to understand and master motivation.

    Definitely read Games People Play. It's incredible. I wrote about here a bit in this thread and this one.
    This. All of it. Including that book, because it's a neat look at human nature.

    Most people aren't even aware of the 'games' that they and others play--they seem to be mostly subconscious conversations. Anything that sheds light on why people act the way they do--and what they really mean is always good.


    Oh, and tap into your desire to connect with other people when it surfaces meaningfully. Don't bother to do so for any other reason--social niceties, obligation, etc.

  7. #7
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    My personal goal for this year is also to develop my Fe and actually try to connect to people. In the past, like you said, every time I tried it just made me uncomfortable or feel like I was being fake. But, this year, I'm going to try again.

    I'll definitely read that "Games People Play" that you all linked to! I think the answer to the problem may just be that I need more practice -- the more I attempt to connect, the more comfortable I'll get with it, right?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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