Introverts and Extroverts

[HighwayChild]

Please forgive me if this question has been posted a million times already.

I am just curious as to how do extroverted people perceive introverts, and vice versa. I'm speaking in general, but if you want to give hypothetical situations with your answer feel free. I'm totally open for discussion on all aspects of this type of relationship or even views toward strangers that seem to be E or I in your opinion.

 

[Lark]

Tend to think that I people are spoiled with literature explicitly and implicity marketed or aimed at them, not as much of the same sort of consideration given over to E people. Maybe publishers think they dont read or struggle or something.

 

[Gerbah]

Well, an E recently said to me that Is are really into themselves. He said it in a way like, what's the point of being so into yourself.

 

[skylights]

i used to think i was an introvert functionally i'm an extravert but i'm still a socially reserved one.

Maybe publishers think they dont read or struggle or something.

i think that there's a perception that it's "easier" to be an extravert. that it gives you immediate social graces, and it really doesn't. Fe might, but not just E. i agree that there's all this "introversion is SPECIAL!" literature but it seems like introverts would know that already, cause they seem to be into themselves. like, they already know they're worth their own time. not that Es don't ever know that too, i just think it can be easy for us to ignore ourselves sometimes.

edit: upon reflection i think functional order has more of an impact on ease of communication than I/E. like lady x says though, Is are kind of inherently interesting. i love Es and most of my friends happen to be E but the Is are more mysterious and call for greater probing

 

[Lady_X]

intrigued usually...like stumbling upon a hidden path covered by walls and trellises...just vague glimpses of what's inside...i want to explore and get lost in there...see what i see...

 

[HighwayChild]

okay very interesting. Gerbah, I can totally agree with what your E friend said. It's a reality that kind of bites in my opinion. I don't want to be so self absorbed.

I agree skylights, this Intrv does see Estrv as more socially graceful and they also seem more at ease and comfortable all the time. I envy it, greatly. It's not a good thing to envy I know, but I can't help it. I wasn't aware that it could be easy for you all to ignore yourselves sometimes. Is that a general E thing or maybe it's the E and Fe you mentioned? Some Es do seem into themselves as well, I wonder if thats because of other functions.
Skylights and Lady x, so what happens if you feel like probing and are interested only to realize that you won't get anywhere doing so with an I? What if you do and you find that nothing is there that is really that interesting or deep?

 

[Gerbah]

Skylights and Lady x, so what happens if you feel like probing and are interested only to realize that you won't get anywhere doing so with an I? What if you do and you find that nothing is there that is really that interesting or deep?

I am an introvert but I feel that way sometimes too with other introverts who are somehow very interesting to me. Probing doesn't seem to get me anywhere though, and if a natural rapport doesn't develop after a short while I am too exhausted to carry on probing and feel uncomfortable and too exposed sharing things about myself but not getting something similar in return. Maybe extroverts don't get so tired though and like the challenge?

 

[Lark]

i used to think i was an introvert functionally i'm an extravert but i'm still a socially reserved one.





i think that there's a perception that it's "easier" to be an extravert. that it gives you immediate social graces, and it really doesn't. Fe might, but not just E. i agree that there's all this "introversion is SPECIAL!" literature but it seems like introverts would know that already, cause they seem to be into themselves. like, they already know they're worth their own time. not that Es don't ever know that too, i just think it can be easy for us to ignore ourselves sometimes.

edit: upon reflection i think functional order has more of an impact on ease of communication than I/E. like lady x says though, Is are kind of inherently interesting. i love Es and most of my friends happen to be E but the Is are more mysterious and call for greater probing

I find this interesting because of the whole social reserved E point, the thing is that I believe there are gradations of sociability whether you are E or I and that the whole I is someone who finds others exhausting explanation is simplistic, I'm definitely E, wish I was less so but I find people exhausting, particularly if they are draining individuals.

 

[KDude]

Depends. I mostly know ES** as far as extroverts go. Some EPs I know are flighty in the stereotypical sense. Which is a plus to be involved in what's happening around you, and a minus because neither I and some I know don't always trust what some say anymore. I really don't know what the extent of the friendship is. On the flipside, they would accuse me of overthinking and not having enough fun. Which may be true from some angle.

As for EJ, they get more done, but some seem to sweat the small stuff or other people too much. I end up suggesting that they look at the big picture of things to help them sort it out, and it isn't easy for them to be calm without the outside being situated first. They can't just easily say "I'm not going to worry about that." Or, "I don't care what they think." On the flipside, I probably say those too much.

 

[Thalassa]

hmmm...I don't think it's that simple as what do extroverts and introverts think of one another...I think I'm something of an ambivert I can't decide if I'm E or I...I know that I frequently wish that ESxx would STFU and leave me alone, but that INTx are generally sooo much more introverted than I could possibly ever imagine being, I can't fathom being that withdrawn from other people, and I wonder what it's like to be an extreme introvert. Maybe that means I'm just an ENFP, but sometimes I suspect I'm an introvert.

 

[skylights]

I wasn't aware that it could be easy for you all to ignore yourselves sometimes. Is that a general E thing or maybe it's the E and Fe you mentioned? Some Es do seem into themselves as well, I wonder if thats because of other functions.

i think it is a general E thing, but it manifests differently depending on what your extraverted function is. both an ESFJ and ENFJ i know will ignore themselves sometimes - what they really want - because they're busy taking care of others. for me, it's less about taking care of others on social terms and more like it's easy to get really excited about and into someone else's cause or project and ignore the things that i should really be working on instead, to the point of my own detriment. the INTPs (Ne aux) i know won't do that. they share interest in my projects, sure, but they prefer their own. Ti calls their name and they wander off.

Skylights and Lady x, so what happens if you feel like probing and are interested only to realize that you won't get anywhere doing so with an I? What if you do and you find that nothing is there that is really that interesting or deep?

lol, i dunno. never had that happen!

more like i find things i'm frustrated with, or just generally annoyed by, or really disagree with their views and decide to stop. i've never met someone who is simply uninteresting to me.

I find this interesting because of the whole social reserved E point, the thing is that I believe there are gradations of sociability whether you are E or I and that the whole I is someone who finds others exhausting explanation is simplistic, I'm definitely E, wish I was less so but I find people exhausting, particularly if they are draining individuals.

yes, very. i much appreciate the explanation that technically extroverts are more energized by the exterior world and introverts more energized by the interior world, because it leaves the fixation on people behind. love people though i do, there's more to the external world than that.

I am an introvert but I feel that way sometimes too with other introverts who are somehow very interesting to me. Probing doesn't seem to get me anywhere though, and if a natural rapport doesn't develop after a short while I am too exhausted to carry on probing and feel uncomfortable and too exposed sharing things about myself but not getting something similar in return. Maybe extroverts don't get so tired though and like the challenge?

lol, yeah. probably. i was kinda joking when i used the term "probing" though... it's not like poking at you with a stick until you respond or interrogating you or whatever. if i REALLY want to know information, i'm wayyyy more subtle than that. if i don't really care i might just ask up front.

oh, and here's a difference: i think IxxJ (and ExxJ too) have more of an aversion to sharing personal depth than Ps do. it seems to take you guys a bit more to open up. i've proposed this before in the NF forum i think - NFP and NFJ, at least, seem to generally hide in very different ways. typically, NFJ hides depth; NFP hides breadth. after a night at the bar you will know all 500 things NFJ is interested in but you will not know about their childhood. conversely you will hear 500 stories from NFP's childhood but you will not have any idea about the real extent of their interests.

 

[INTPness]

It just seems so easy for E's to navigate their way through the day in dealing with people. "Hey, how's it going? Whatcha been up to? Workin' hard or hardly workin'? I hear ya! Me too! LOL. Hahaha. Yep. OK then, we'll talk to you later." As they walk out the door, they see another person. "Oh, hey!! What ended up happening last night? Really? I didn't hear from you so I didn't know what happened. OK, gotta run! Talk to you soon. Call me and let me know what happens!" As they walk away, their phone rings, "Yo! What's up Ronald? What's the scoop for today? What time will you be there? Oh, OK, that sounds good. If I'm not there, just use the key I gave you and let yourself in. I'll be home shortly after that."

When I witness that, I'm like "Holy moly!!!!!!!!!" That's just a world that I still have a hard time relating to. Non-stop interaction. 150 miles per hour with your hair on fire, juggling various conversations, no time for contemplation or calm, quiet atmosphere, and still wanting more, never tiring from it. :horor:

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Extroverts astonish me sometimes with their seemingly endless ability to be around people. I get exhausted just watching them do their extroverted thing...we'll have a stimulating conversation, and talk high-speed for an hour, they'll have just spent the morning with someone, they'll be on their way to another social gathering, and bemoaning the fact that no one's coming over for dinner. That just melts my brain.

Sometimes, I wonder how much my friendship really means to some extroverts, because they have such a constant stream of people going in and out of their day. I'm secretly reassured when they go the extra mile.

inversely, I'm amused when they worry that we're not good friends because we haven't talked twice a day. If I'm talking to you for longer than 5 minutes on a regular basis, we're friends.

 

[nolla]

I find this interesting because of the whole social reserved E point, the thing is that I believe there are gradations of sociability whether you are E or I and that the whole I is someone who finds others exhausting explanation is simplistic, I'm definitely E, wish I was less so but I find people exhausting, particularly if they are draining individuals.

Yep. I definitely don't buy the exhaustion thing as it is described. I've said before, I don't get exhausted by people I like and feel comfortable with. Ok, I will need some alone time, but if I count the hours it's not many days in a month.

hmmm...I don't think it's that simple as what do extroverts and introverts think of one another...I think I'm something of an ambivert I can't decide if I'm E or I...
---
I can't fathom being that withdrawn from other people, and I wonder what it's like to be an extreme introvert. Maybe that means I'm just an ENFP, but sometimes I suspect I'm an introvert.

Same. I don't get the lone wolf thing. I used to be one, yes, but I was hurting myself...

oh, and here's a difference: i think IxxJ (and ExxJ too) have more of an aversion to sharing personal depth than Ps do. it seems to take you guys a bit more to open up. i've proposed this before in the NF forum i think - NFP and NFJ, at least, seem to generally hide in very different ways. typically, NFJ hides depth; NFP hides breadth. after a night at the bar you will know all 500 things NFJ is interested in but you will not know about their childhood. conversely you will hear 500 stories from NFP's childhood but you will not have any idea about the real extent of their interests.

Really? This makes me question my type. I would definitely be and INFJ by your definition.

lol, i dunno. never had that happen!

more like i find things i'm frustrated with, or just generally annoyed by, or really disagree with their views and decide to stop. i've never met someone who is simply uninteresting to me.

This might be the radically different thing in me compared to extroverts. I honestly don't think that people are that interesting in general. More often than not, I don't care about knowing more about a person I just met. I don't know what makes them more interesting for me in the long run, but to have like an attraction to new people and how they function, this is not me at all.

 

[INTPness]

Extroverts astonish me sometimes with their seemingly endless ability to be around people. I get exhausted just watching them do their extroverted thing...we'll have a stimulating conversation, and talk high-speed for an hour, they'll have just spent the morning with someone, they'll be on their way to another social gathering, and bemoaning the fact that no one's coming over for dinner. That just melts my brain.

Sometimes, I wonder how much my friendship really means to some extroverts, because they have such a constant stream of people going in and out of their day. I'm secretly reassured when they go the extra mile.

inversely, I'm amused when they worry that we're not good friends because we haven't talked twice a day. If I'm talking to you for longer than 5 minutes on a regular basis, we're friends.

Or how an extrovert can hold down a 9-to-5 dealing with people all day and then want to go hang out after work until 10pm, with more people. And then when the weekend comes (a great opportunity to relax by yourself), they want to go be with people again.

I mean, I do stuff, but it's just to a much lesser degree.

For me, it's like, I have to go with people today, but I'll be off by 3:30 or 4 and then I can go back home for the rest of the night.

 

[gromit]

My loquacious new roommate is recently making me realize that I almost DEFINITELY am an introvert. I love to have people AROUND, just not always talking to them, necessarily.

 

[nolla]

I love to have people AROUND, just not always talking to them, necessarily.

Me too.

Should it then be split something like this:

E = interested in many
I = interested in few

T = interested in things
F = interested in people

That would make ExFx the most extroverted and IxTx the most introverted. Interestingly that could mean that an ExTx might seem more introverted than IxFx in some situations.

 

[Kasper]

Should it then be split something like this:

E = interested in many
I = interested in few

T = interested in things
F = interested in people

That would make ExFx the most extroverted and IxTx the most introverted. Interestingly that could mean that an ExTx might seem more introverted than IxFx in some situations.

That totally works. My INFJ sis can appear way more sociable than me because of her interest in people, it just tires her out.

 

[rav3n]

As an introverted extrovert (shhh, purists), it's nice to have people around but just as nice to have some downtime. I don't have that much interest in small talk but if I meet a stranger in a grocery lineup where we have a mutual interest, can chat for long enough that ice cream has become soup.

So maybe I'm an extrovert for reasonably quality conversations and an introvert for blah, blah, blah?

 

[skylights]

Me too.

Should it then be split something like this:

E = interested in many
I = interested in few

T = interested in things
F = interested in people

That would make ExFx the most extroverted and IxTx the most introverted. Interestingly that could mean that an ExTx might seem more introverted than IxFx in some situations.

well, that works for ESFP, but ENFP is noted to be one of the most socially introverted of the cognitively extraverted types. it's important to note that Se means living in the real world while Ne means lots of processing in your head, so NFP is significantly more spacey/removed than SFP.

i think it's useful to look at the functions in addition just letters in these cases, because they highlight more nuances. for instance, i'm interested in many ideas but i'd rather delve deep with a handful of people - which kind of makes sense, given an N-E, F-I matchup. whereas a good NFJ friend of mine is more interested in interacting with groups of people but delves deeper with fewer ideas- F-E, N-I.