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Thread: the Fi bias

  1. #51
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Trust me, I can write a book about the amount of Fi-threads there have been over the last two years I've been here, where Fi was the evil function of doom and it was Fe-users merely trying to understand something that felt so....'selfish' and 'self-centered' and 'dramatic' to them. You think the Fi-users didn't feel under attack at that point?

    You should see their responses in those threads

    Look, it's just an attempt to try and communicate how it's perceived on the other side, and to try and make some kind of sense out of it, much like you're doing atm. It's not about attacking, belitteling or feeling better about yourself...it's about not understanding, just as it as for Fe-users in those other threads as well.

    And yes, I'm the first to admit that, growing up with some rather..unhealthy Fe-users has lefts its allergic reactions with me. Guilttripping (which Fidelia and OMT have thankfully demystified finally for me), oppressing my sense of identity, constantly telling me what the 'proper' thing to do is and telling me that I'm weird and I need to get over myself already..ya know, it tends to frustrate a person. It feels like I'm to change who I am just to make them more comfortable being around me. And when I try not to be around them, they make sure they *are* around me coz 'they care so much'.

    I'm sorry but that through Fi-Te glasses, just feels like blatant emotional manipulation and not as love at all. You're not giving me even the space to be me as you're insisting I be around you 24/7. And, it's incredibly hard for me to grasp how you yourself can be yourself that way, constantly constrained by social rules (yes, that is how it feels to us). It's only here that I came to understand why those mechanisms work that way for Fe-users, and I'm *still* learning on that. So yes, feel free to know that some Fi-users, myself included, are weary with and wary of Fe at times, because it can really rub us the wrong way. However, that doesn't mean I feel the need to belittle it. Just to vent on it. And, share how it's perceived by me. And yes, in the attempt to grasp Fe, you'll find some people saying things that are seemingly belittling. But if they are at that point trying to understand the differences and get a grasp of what Fe (something foreign) is...cut them some slack. Or rather, tell them how you'd prefer it to be worded
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  2. #52
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    The thing is I don't really the contentions between Fe and Fi until people keep harping on the rather forced differences.... it gets pretty old after awhile.... it is seriously not as clear-cut as some of you (sometimes including me) try to make it out to be. To be honest, I have seen much more vilified Fe posts than vilified Fi posts. I just don't really see Fi being looked down quite as much BECAUSE most people on the forum ARE Fi users, esp. NFPs. It looks like some make it seem like there is SO MUCH Fi hate when in reality, many if not most seem to embrace it (other than a few butt-hurt people and some NT's).

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Xi will care about congruence. Xe is more utilitarian, it's more context dependent and more of a tool one uses. Xi is more of a burden one is stuck with.
    Huh. This really isn't a bad assessment at all

  4. #54
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    I really don't feel like putting a list together of the amount of Fi-threads. Also, I think we're prone to remember the ones that attack 'us' more and easily glance over the others.

    Either way, there's nothing left to say really. You can believe what I've lined out, or you can continue to try and read between the lines. Know that as far as I'm concerned, there *is* nothing more to it.
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  5. #55
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    I seriously don't see how it's hard to grasp Fe or Fi (even if it is just in theory) but then I have been analyzing this crap for the past two years. Fe and Fi users typically want similar things but just go about it in different ways.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    "People should be nice to each other".
    What do you consider being nice to someone?

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I seriously don't see how it's hard to grasp Fe or Fi (even if it is just in theory) but then I have been analyzing this crap for the past two years. Fe and Fi users typically want similar things but just go about it in different ways.
    Lol...so you find it hard to grasp that others have trouble grasping an entirely different perspective than theirs?
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  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Lol...so you find it hard to grasp that others have trouble grasping an entirely different perspective than theirs?
    Yes, sometimes. It takes me a little while but I can usually conceptualize where the other person is coming from after thinking about it.

  9. #59
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    Whether a person is superficial has nothing really to do with Fe, being superficial is a value system in itself, which people of all types can surely adhere to if they choose.

    Fe is warm, it's cosy, it remembers to ask people if they want a cup of tea, and it is the best host/hostess in town. When healthy, it makes social situations go without a hitch, and gives everyone a huge bear hug. It doesn't dream of leaving anybody out in the cold, and it brings communities together with flair and confidence. When unhealthy...well ESFJ Lady Macbeth knows how to smile in the right places and she can definitely pull the right strings but erm, well we know what happens when you stay overnight at hers (Poor girl, she didn't deserve to be shunned by her husband and then die though)


    Whether a person is self-absorbed has not a lot to do with Fi either, unless the user chooses to concentrate his/her Fi on themself constantly. Fi seems to be the Feeling Devil's Advocate, that's all, it can't resist thinking (in an extreme example)
    'I know that guy's a murderer, but I wonder what his home life was like, he might be mentally ill, and awww his wife left him, I know the act was horrible but he can't be a really bad person'

    Healthy Fi knows how to make each individual they know glow, and when that happens, it can seem as warm as/ warmer than Fe because it seems like the sentiments are 'just for you' but the flipside of that is, it knows how to make them feel horrendous too, because it crafts its insults just as well as its compliments. It can also leave you feeling pretty ugly and unwanted if the Fi user can't be bothered to give you that special attention that they seem to give so naturally elsewhere.


    Fi creates a certain self-torture that non-Fi can hate. It can the unheathy 'Poor me, please won't someone love this helpless wretch,' like perhaps the obsessive, murderous Phantom, who develops a sense of entitlement to everything that he desires because he's a special case and he 'deserves' it, so everyone else must suffer because he has.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    But seriously, how many of those we "let's try to understand Fi" threads?
    People are too lazy, or cheap, to buy any decent books - specifically written about the functions. What really amazes me is that any human being outside this forum knows what no one *inside* this forum seems to know. People can be true to their own personal values (Fi) and still adhere to broader societal values, (Fe) at the same time. It's just that some are better at it, than others.

    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    :yim_rolling_on_the_ My son is the person who comes home saying..."I got in trouble today because someone else laughed, it doesnt make any sense, I didnt laugh" he did something that they laughed at.
    So it appears it's the luck of the draw whether you have a teacher who punishes laughter, or punishes an action. I never threw paper spitballs up at the wall clock. The other guys did. So when the teacher came back into the room, and saw the clock completely covered with paper spitballs, she yelled, "Who DID that!?" That's when I burst out laughing.

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