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Thread: the Fi bias

  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    well, maybe i should just try to explain my thought process, since after Pitseleh's point i'm not convinced by my own post, lol (typical P )

    my thoughts were mainly along the lines that Fe is more context-oriented. someone with high Fe is more likely to say something suited to the situation, while someone with high Fi is more likely to not filter their opinion to fit the situation as much. this is not to say that Fe is not genuine, just that Fe is better in touch with what is situationally appropriate. Fi is more likely to state a universal (especially to defend some universal), while Fe is like, well sure, but i'm talking about in this situation.

    okay, here's an example: a Fe dom friend of mine points out that someone is unfriendly. i immediately think no, maybe she's just trying to communicate in her own way, etc etc etc, but my friend is totally right given context. on the other hand, if i point out someone being unfriendly, it generally goes along with a feeling of that person being morally "bad" on my part, while my Fe dom friend is more likely to point out that the person is behaving situationally.

    so it can go both ways - i think Pitseleh was spot-on about pointing out motivation and personal belief.
    Okay, I see what you're getting at now, with this example. Thanks for explaining.



    yeah, i'm a fighter too, lol. for me i think it's a Te-Fi thing.

    my thoughts about this were mainly from the bad-dish-at-a-restaurant example used (was it in this thread?) at some point. on one hand, i can see someone with high Fe not wanting to upset the group, and thus not complaining about it; on the other hand, i can see them being confident in their social skills and knowing they can send it back with no problem. for a Fi dom/aux, i can see them not wanting to return it because they don't want to hurt the waiter or cook's feelings, though i can see them returning it if it offended them somehow (meat in it when they asked for a vegetarian dish, etc.)
    I have no problem saying I don't like something and want it to go back. Maybe because I worked in a restaurant for a long time, and it doesn't hurt the waitresses feelings if a dish is incorrect, I can assure you. It might get on the cook's nerves, but oh well. The only thing that ever upset me personally as a server was when people behaved in an elitist manner - i.e. talking down to me, treating me literally as a "servant" that kind of bullshit. And even in those cases, it made me mad, it didn't hurt my feelings.

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    However, I may try to go about it in such a way that it ends up with the most change happening with the least amount of disturbance or upset to all parties involved. I think some Fi users see this as being sneaky or manipulative.

    I may privately think that someone is wearing something quite unflattering. I realize that some people may choose to actually offer a white lie and tell the person that they look great. I believe that is disingenuous. At the same time, I also realize that it would make the person feel bad to tell them they are wearing something quite ugly and unsuitable. I would be more likely to say nothing, or to offer my opinion only when it is solicited. Even then, I'm thinking with the end in mind: I want to be honest, and I want the person to end up with something better than what they have (if they aren't quite sure about it anyway). Therefore, I may indicate my opinion when asked, but state it in palatable terms to them, offering a better alternative. That way they don't feel I'm attacking their taste or their body type, but rather am offering an opinion that they can take or leave.
    incidentally, that is my take on the situation too

    what you said about being sneaky or manipulative, i think sometimes that it's odd to me to be "under cover" about doing things. while i know personally that saying to someone that i think their outfit makes them look like a cheeto is not a good idea, there are other situations where someone being subtle does make me a bit uncomfortable...

    for example, i've felt this with a Fe dom friend of mine when someone's said something to her about me. we've talked about this before: i'm totally open about telling her pretty much anything, while she'll hold back and tell me a while later. i would tell her immediately, because i feel like she should know what people say about her, so that she can adapt accordingly. on the other hand, she doesn't always tell me (or at least not right away), because sometimes she feels like no good will come of sharing the information - to her, she's helping me, but to me, that feels like she's choosing for me.

    i know she is acting in my best interest (and i do trust her), but i on a less-than-conscious level i think it upsets me that some potential autonomy has been withheld. it may be a Ni/Ne Fi/Fe kind of thing - NiFe looks to internal information and decides outwardly (my friend), while NeFi values outside information to make internal decision. (me)

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise
    The only thing that ever upset me personally as a server was when people behaved in an elitist manner - i.e. talking down to me, treating me literally as a "servant" that kind of bullshit.
    ugh. that's awful. boo on them

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    for example, i've felt this with a Fe dom friend of mine when someone's said something to her about me. we've talked about this before: i'm totally open about telling her pretty much anything, while she'll hold back and tell me a while later. i would tell her immediately, because i feel like she should know what people say about her, so that she can adapt accordingly. on the other hand, she doesn't always tell me (or at least not right away), because sometimes she feels like no good will come of sharing the information - to her, she's helping me, but to me, that feels like she's choosing for me.

    i know she is acting in my best interest (and i do trust her), but i on a less-than-conscious level i think it upsets me that some potential autonomy has been withheld. it may be a Ni/Ne Fi/Fe kind of thing - NiFe looks to internal information and decides outwardly (my friend), while NeFi values outside information to make internal decision. (me)
    In my perspective, I try not to repeat controversial, negative things about people especially to the person of interest unless it's common knowledge because it stirs up unnecessary drama where I may not know all the specifics of the situation and there's a chance of third-person misinterpretation. It's not in my place to tell the person what someone else thinks of them unless it's completely slanderous to the person's character (even then its quite a fine line). Who knows? Maybe you friend thinks along the same line?

  4. #94
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    I would let someone know if it was something that required them correcting misinformation or if it was something like a cheating partner, where I thought it would be more productive in the long run to know. Sometimes though I see people who repeat every bad/negative thing back to a person and it looks like someone who takes joy in seeing their friend's reaction (sense of power or titilation in sharing negative gossip) by stirring up trouble, or by trying to take up somebody else's offenses. None of these are useful and in many cases, what was said by the other person might have been a fleeting feeling or something carelessly said. When passed along, it creates more hurt that cannot be rectified or acted on positively, rather than just giving the victim of it a sense of decision making and power over their own fate. I think it would really depend on how close I was to the person. If we were close, I'd tell. If not, I probably wouldn't because I couldn't predict their reaction.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I’m just curious what other people think the root of this Fi bias is. A lot of people are equating Fi with authenticity and genuine caring, and feel compelled to view Fe as ‘shallow’ instead of ‘having breadth’.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen any comments about how Ne, Se or Te are more ‘shallow’ or inauthentic than Ni, Si or Ti- nor are there comments from Ni, Si, or Ti types going on and on about how they intuit/sense/think so much more deeply than Ne, Se or Te types (respectively, sticking to same N, S or T comparisons)- so why is this so common with Fe/Fi?
    Probably because so many people on this forum are Fi users -- and have strongly-held Fi values of puppy dogs and rainbows. Thus, asshole Fi users, such as the ninth Doctor, Mello and myself, are often thought to be some T type.
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  6. #96
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    i think that part of dislike for Fe is that Fe gets you more ahead in life and is more accepted, so Fi users see this as unfair and blame on Fe.

    at least this is part of my hate/jealousy for Fe's

    but as someone in the thread said: you know that Fe is deep and genuine when you're loved by some Fe dom

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    I personally can find Fe adorable, or I can find it intensely irritating, depending on how it's expressed.
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  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    i think that part of dislike for Fe is that Fe gets you more ahead in life and is more accepted, so Fi users see this as unfair and blame on Fe.
    Fe gets you more ahead in life? In what way? That is not my personal experience at all.

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    Yours? You don't strike me as having too much Fe...
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  10. #100
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Fe gets you more ahead in life? In what way? That is not my personal experience at all.
    that's my perception. People like Fe-doms. look at oprah, obama.

    People like you when you fullfil their needs, and as Fe dom you take a lot into consideration other peoples feelings, which they of course love.

    Fi doms are more criticized than Fe doms.

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