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  1. #11
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    'Modest' as in you don't need to boast to get something done. You have your own stuff going on and you know your virtues and flaws. You won't excuse yourself for what you're good at, but you find it unnecessary to tell it to everybody, since you don't care about their opinion either way. This is the image you have to exude.

  2. #12
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Okay, I shall do that.
    But I thought ISFJs are super caring people, so wouldn't it be worse if it seemed like I didn't care?

  3. #13
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    They are caring, but you're not an ISFJ, and you don't have to be one. I don't think many ISFJs are attracted to ISFJ-ish behavioral patterns. Establish common grounds with shared customs or interests (family), expose your soft side for the blink of an eye, and let her (him?) care for you.

  4. #14
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Ohh...Okay I get it. Do they like small talk? I think I heard somewhere they did.

  5. #15
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Well, I've managed to involuntarily impress (I suppose, in what might be called a "romantic" way) a large number of ISFJs. I'd say they like people that are physically very active, yet are still a bit closed off / intellectual / reserved, yet also very blunt and extraverted when they feel like it. Somewhat unfunny / nerdy jokes seem also to be welcomed quite well by ISFJs, I suppose they might a mothering instinct towards lack of social skills. On the other hand, they seem to be rather put-off by really nerdy physical appearance, so I'd say that's something which might put them off (compared to, say, ESF types which are far more tolerant towards that kind of thing).

    It doesn't really matter if you're a bit boastful, as long as you don't touch something that might make the ISFJ feel "inferior" or "put down".
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #16
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    They don't have to worry about being inferior to me. But I have impressed her, she thinks I'm really smart. And I do have a lack of social skills... So maybe that could spark her "mothering instinct".

  7. #17
    Member Cheshire Grin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    The best way to impress anyone you're interested in is to bend your core essence to match what the other person wants, compromise your personal ideals, learn manipulative psychological tactics, and subconsciously lie to yourself and the other person about who you are. Do so without regard to the undue stress and exhaustion you place upon yourself by trying to put up a facade for the entire duration of your relationship, and, of course, any of the harsh potential and deeply personal consequences of those actions.

    Good luck!
    This made me smile. It also made me think about what it would be like to live a double life. I imagine it would be hugely taxing on mental reserves though
    ...but I can see how it might work for an individual who doesn't put great importance in personal values, or maybe someone who is confused about who they are or who they want to be :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Engage him/her in a conversation, possibly work related. Tell him/her in advance that you don't have much time because of [whatever reason]. Be competent and polite while showing a slight disinterest. Throw hints at things you've said or done which ISFJs usually find valuable - family related, for example. Do not appear to be boasting, present the story as if you'd expose a vulnerability to him/her. Don't break eye contact, but try to maintain an easy-going vibe. Ask for his/her help in a future project you're planning (independently) and make sure you keep some of the topics open-ended thus allowing him/her to come back to you if she feels like it. Treat your common acquaintances well and make sure he/she hears about it. Be helpful, be cool, do not invade his/her personal space, use casual body language. Show that you're always ready to walk away and that you have a stable place in your social circle. Make remarks about your current environment without trying hard to observe it, do not laugh at your own jokes. Speak slowly and with enthusiasm. Take note of, but disregard any possible personal attack directed at you.

    (credit goes to Venusian Arts)
    I pretty much agree with everything in Litvyak's post. I'm going to make some personal observations and they may not be specific to all ISFJs but I'd like to emphasise the "do not invade his/her personal space" point. Don't be pushy. Don't come up with little "tests" to see how interested your co-worker is in you by making her do stuff. It really grates on me when people come up to me and they're all "you have to buy me a present because I'm feeling low!" Or, "you owe me dinner now because you didn't come to the seminar with me!" I will do things for you and if I like you I will return your affections three-fold and I'll make three times the effort. Just don't blatantly ask for it.

    Show polite interest and have a sense of humour. I don't mind if people laugh at their own jokes, usually I end up laughing with them . Don't be clingy or pushy, show her that you can fend for yourself and that if your interest isn't returned it's not going to have a devastating effect on you. Maybe bake some cookies (if you're into that or willing to give it a try). Bring the plate to work and be like, "I baked too many cookies last night, who's going to help me eat them all?" Then put them in the lunchroom or something. But don't offer them to her first, offer it around to other people then walk up to her and say, "want to try one? If you do, I'll even let you grade them on a scale of one to ten!" And then smile charmingly.
    The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. --A. Rand

  8. #18
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin View Post
    Show polite interest and have a sense of humour. I don't mind if people laugh at their own jokes, usually I end up laughing with them . Don't be clingy or pushy, show her that you can fend for yourself and that if your interest isn't returned it's not going to have a devastating effect on you. Maybe bake some cookies (if you're into that or willing to give it a try). Bring the plate to work and be like, "I baked too many cookies last night, who's going to help me eat them all?" Then put them in the lunchroom or something. But don't offer them to her first, offer it around to other people then walk up to her and say, "want to try one? If you do, I'll even let you grade them on a scale of one to ten!" And then smile charmingly.
    This helped alot thank you. And I'm not into baking but I'll take your advice and try it out anyway.

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