User Tag List

First 45678 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 89

Thread: T women & F men

  1. #51
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    401

    Default

    Oh man, I love having a Fe type of boyfriend. Though, I can't say his type with any accuracy as he seems to test borderline on all of the letters, I've given up on the notion that he's a T type because Fe seems to spill out of him. Most likely, he's an ISFJ, INFJ, or an ENFJ.

    I like that he understands me and does the sort of things that I would also do to show my love. There's no question about feelings in the relationship like I've had with most T types I've dated (and Fi types, whom I could never understand). He's certainly a GUY, acts like a GUY, and takes on the more male role in the relationship. He just tends to take care of me more than other guys have in the past and be a bit more perceptive about my feelings. He also expresses how he feels rather easily.

    As for the comment somewhere that a T/T or F/F relationship couldn't work... my current relationship is the EASIEST and quite possibly the most functional relationship I have ever been in. There is certainly a spark between us (hell, we're both givers ), despite the possibility of being the same type, because we're individuals and have different levels of I, E, N, S, etc. If we are the same type, I feel he takes on more of the I & F and I take on more of the N & J so we balance out. We also have different development of cognitive functions, I'm sure, and we've had different childhood experiences that have molded us. If he's an ISFJ, then our different functions keep the spark going, I guess.

  2. #52
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    837

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I don't think a double T or double F relationship would make for a good pair. Personally, I get more out of a relationship with an F than a T. I need someone that balances me, not reinforces my natural preferences. T women just don't manage to evoke the same feelings in me than F women do. With an F woman, I feel we both have seperate strengths and function as a team. With a T woman, we have similar strengths and so there is the potential for competition. However, the last thing I want in a relationship is to start arguing with my partner about the logic of X or Y. And I want to trust my partner to help me with the emotional/relational side of things.
    I'm talking to everyone here, not just Maverick.

    That sounds good in theory... but what about a couple of Ts who enjoy competition with each other, taking it lightly, and having loads of fun? And what about a couple of Ts who are both emotionally mature as well as being thought dominant? OR a couple of Fs that feel really comfortable with each other and understand each other better than anyone else in the world?

    Your way of seeing things certainly works if you find the right woman, but it seems to be a bit limited to me. You don't want your partner to ever challenge your logic? LOL, why not? What's that going to hurt? Maybe she can help. Okay, I said challenge, but you said argue, so I won't put words in your mouth. Sorry about that. But why would it need to turn into an argument? You can either prove that you're position is best or you can allow her to make it better. Where's the negative in that?

    And wanting to trust your partner to help with emotional/relational things is sweet, and it would be a blessing if you had a such a jewel, but you almost make it sound like you don't want to try to make improvement in that area on your own. You don't have to rely on her for that shit! She can help, but you make it sound like it's her job and that it's beneath you or too far away for yourself to grasp or something like that. (However, I do not make assumptions! I just follow my intuitive thoughts and see where they can go. Maybe the whole point of wanting an F woman is so that you can grow into being more F. Relationships and self growth go hand in hand.)

    It seems like you like the idea of having clearly defined roles for the male and female so that they fit together perfectly to make a great team. That makes sense, and it's a very common occurrence. That's sort of been the tradition. But I think there's better, or at least more, options that also can lead to phenomenal relationships.

    For example, two Ts can get along great if they are both trying to develop their emotions at the same time. They can learn from each other and tease each other about it. They can encourage each other, and at the same time be completely understanding of any emotional lack or fault, therefore no blame is place. Emotional demands and needs are low, yet they are still important enough to work with and analyze, but not important enough to get pissed about. In some cases, it might even be easier for the two hypothetical Ts to grow out from themselves and into the relationship because they understand each so well. Their conflicts are ones that can be settled through logic, unlike a deep T vs. F conflict where there is just no common ground at all.

    I guess my main concern is that I wouldn't want people to count on their partner to make up for things they are not good at. They can help, but I think you should always try to be as much as you can by yourself. So maybe the wife cooks and you do the yard work and it's a great system, but why not switch and get good at the other side, too? Share the experiences together, have fun, and be prepared to make an excellent dinner for the wife after she's spent all day doing something crappy.

    Maybe some people really like to stick to defined roles, I don't know. But it's not like a man would forget how to play football if he learned how to do something new. You can have it all. To me, two people striving to have it all in themselves makes a greater and more diverse pair than two people trying to fill in each others gaps.

    Please, people, don't be offended if any part of that seemed way too obvious. I just think and talk too much.

    And of course, Maverick said that T women just can't manage to evoke the same kind of feelings in him that F women do. So there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! If it's just a natural attraction thing, it's quite simple. I know I'm not at all attracted to masculine women, but T women, sure, it just depends on the woman.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. #53
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    Oh man, I love having a Fe type of boyfriend. Though, I can't say his type with any accuracy as he seems to test borderline on all of the letters, I've given up on the notion that he's a T type because Fe seems to spill out of him. Most likely, he's an ISFJ, INFJ, or an ENFJ.

    I like that he understands me and does the sort of things that I would also do to show my love. There's no question about feelings in the relationship like I've had with most T types I've dated (and Fi types, whom I could never understand). He's certainly a GUY, acts like a GUY, and takes on the more male role in the relationship. He just tends to take care of me more than other guys have in the past and be a bit more perceptive about my feelings. He also expresses how he feels rather easily.

    As for the comment somewhere that a T/T or F/F relationship couldn't work... my current relationship is the EASIEST and quite possibly the most functional relationship I have ever been in. There is certainly a spark between us (hell, we're both givers ), despite the possibility of being the same type, because we're individuals and have different levels of I, E, N, S, etc. If we are the same type, I feel he takes on more of the I & F and I take on more of the N & J so we balance out. We also have different development of cognitive functions, I'm sure, and we've had different childhood experiences that have molded us. If he's an ISFJ, then our different functions keep the spark going, I guess.
    I don't think T males have problems with showing their feelings in a relationships, when they do have them. I certainly don't, I don't even have any problem initiating.

    I just don't have feelings for a lot of people, and when I don't show them the reason is exactly because well, I don't have them!

  4. #54
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    And of course, Maverick said that T women just can't manage to evoke the same kind of feelings in him that F women do. So there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! If it's just a natural attraction thing, it's quite simple. I know I'm not at all attracted to masculine women, but T women, sure, it just depends on the woman.
    This is the point. You're either attracted or you aren't. My personal tastes have showed so far that I am not attracted to T women.

    Concerning your other points, my personal preferences are just that - personal. They are not to be argued with. Also, there's not much point in arguing whether T (wo)men are better or not than F (wo)men in a relationship with a T or F. It's like arguing if "Blue" is better than "Red". It's all a question of taste.

    I would tend to say that it's better to have partners in a relationship that balance each other's strengths. When they don't, there will be areas where none of the partners are proficient in that will remain undeveloped for both. The whole point is to have an exchange and continously learn from the other. Doing so enables you to play other "roles" too, since you can develop strengths which you did not have before. For example, I can teach "Te" to somebody with an "Fi" preference and vice-versa. Then, we can both start using more of the others' function. It actually allows greater flexibility in the long term. Of course, this is just an opinion and not a scientific fact. At the end of the day, there's no rule that fits everybody.

  5. #55
    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    873

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I would tend to say that it's better to have partners in a relationship that balance each other's strengths.
    No, it's not "better". It's just what *you* prefer. Ie: it's a subjective preference, not an objective fact.

    When they don't, there will be areas where none of the partners are proficient in that will remain undeveloped for both.
    So??

    The whole point is to have an exchange and continously learn from the other.
    Again: that may be the whole point *for you*, but it's not so for many others, like me for example. I don't want a teacher or student in my partner, I want a partner. Partners don't necessarily teach stuff to each other.

    Doing so enables you to play other "roles" too, since you can develop strengths which you did not have before. For example, I can teach "Te" to somebody with an "Fi" preference and vice-versa.
    Urgh :eek: The last thing I want in a partner is someone who deliberately tries to push me out of my comfort zone! I want my relationship to be primarily *comfortable*, not challenging or instructive or whatever (it will naturally be all those things anyway, all relationships are).

    Of course, this is just an opinion and not a scientific fact. At the end of the day, there's no rule that fits everybody.
    Agreed

  6. #56
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    Doesn't agree with A because thinks X is lacking
    Realizes X is present and agrees
    So waddaya arguing about?

  7. #57
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    Re confidence:

    somehow guys put the pressure on themselves to be "better" than the girl they date, and they seem to have a habit of measuring their "worth" by what they can give to the girl. Ergo if the girl is more successful than them, they do feel a little threatened in some ways, because they view themselves as not being able to take care of them? At least, where I come from, that is the case.

    I found age here does matter. I've dated guys 8 years younger, up to 13 years older than me. The dynamics work best when it is a guy at least 3 years older, or about 5 years younger. The former is usually more self-assured, has came to terms with his part in life mainly. Hence is more relaxed, worldly, and looking for a breath of fresh air and different ways of viewing things, without seeing it as a challenge to his masculinity. The latter is looking for someone who can open a different world to them out of the schoolroom.

    I think very few guys are truly comfortable with an equal in a partner, simply. It makes them feel that they are not needed.

    So these are the chief issues as a T female I've had to deal with - that while I can take care of myself*, I do want you. And while I may not be physically demonstrative and emotional, it does not mean I do not care. These are not easy to express.
    I find my motivations for this are less need related and more to seeing them always with those others "up there". I am, however, getting better at taking up my equal as long as I can get a sense that I am wanted. I am also working on being better at detecting and understanding the signals; my issue right now is it takes quite a bit of communication to pick up enough of the pattern to recognize it.

    Rescuing a damsel from the dragon trying to court her though is still too difficult especially without enough time to work out the pattern. This is why I prefer to meet potential partners through regular groups of social interaction or common interest. It gives me more exposure to the ladies and helps me to work out the pattern over time instead of having to panic over snap decisions.

    That's right, guys who think like me can be found on boards like these and small interest/social groups. We don't make it easy, but it's about as intentional as how difficult you girls are to get at.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #58
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    4,601

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I don't think T males have problems with showing their feelings in a relationships, when they do have them. I certainly don't, I don't even have any problem initiating.

    I just don't have feelings for a lot of people, and when I don't show them the reason is exactly because well, I don't have them!
    Yes, this is something I've learned all the more profoundly since I began receiving testosterone treatment. It's one of the effects of testosterone that men's feelings are generally less diverse and harder to trigger. Whilst female emotions could be described as a three dimensional spectrum full of a million colours that blend into each other in a million ways, and all you have to do is shine a light through a prism and they come right out... male emotions tend to be different. More like a regular two-dimensional spectrum that you paint on a canvas, with fewer colours that bleed into each other in a smaller number of combinations, and are visible in much more black-and-white circumstances: either the light's on and you see the painting, or it's dark and you don't.

    One of the most frustrating things for me to see because of my experiences, are those arguments between men and women where typically the woman wants the man to express his feelings, but he says he doesn't have any to express. She doesn't believe him, finding that incomprehensible, and keeps pressing him, taking it personally that he "won't share", interpreting it in all kinds of crazy ways until the guy does begin to have feelings: he's annoyed and resentful of her now.

    So, if a man is talking in a forest and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

    Re the ENTP/INFJ pairing... I relate to what aelan says, my experiences of this both romantically and platonically is that ENTP seems to bring so much, but INFJ gives little in return but doe-eyed adoration and the occasional passive aggression when they feel slighted due to some insult that exists only in their head. But I wouldn't vouch for the healthiness levels of the INFJ's I've known though... There definitely was a feeling of walking on eggshells all the time, and frustration at constantly having them 'read' me - INCORRECTLY - but so sure they were right. One in particular did that an awful lot - come up and tell me how I feel, completely wrong, but refusing to listen to me or believe me when I say so and putting it down to me being "in denial"!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  9. #59
    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    873

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    So waddaya arguing about?
    The *way* you say A

  10. #60
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    The *way* you say A
    The way you perceive that I say A

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO