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Thread: T women & F men

  1. #11
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    How much would the parents' types affect a person's chance of being healthy, particularly in cases like these? Presumably an ESFJ/ESTJ pairing as mom and dad respectively would find it very difficult to accept, say, an INTP daughter or an INFJ son... do you think?
    I think ones upbringing and parents (or parental role models if the actual parents don't form much of a bond w/ the children or their presence in any sense is lacking) can play a huge role in ones' self-image and 'starting point', if you will, in terms of healthiness. So yeah, I think a T father - particularly TJ or STJ, would have a harder time relating to an F son. And an F mother would have a harder time relating to a T daughter. But that probably can go more general too -- T parent not relating so much to F child, F parent not relating so much to T child - regardless of gender.

    I'm presumably an INFJ, and my brother is an INTP. So it's the reverse of your example so it doesn't apply so much. But I'll mention my parents anyway. :-)

    My mom is definitely an ISTJ, and I was never quite sure about my Dad - I lately have been considering him an IxTJ. However, I just consulted with my brother, and we both agreed he's rather different from Mom in several ways, and after my brother read the INTJ description, he said, 'That's Dad...but I think Dad's just learned not to express his opinions about things.'

    Mom has had difficulty in general understanding my brother and I, and is perhaps the most difficult to have positive interactions with - there are just lots of potential areas of misunderstanding. My Dad is more of an interesting case; his father was a hardcore INTJ, and many of his INTJ traits shone through his entire life and he kind of rode his family hard; so my Dad I think has consciously made an effort to not be so much like his father. (no offense to any INTJ's out there, by the way - incidentally, I held great respect for my grandfather as a child, it's just I would not have wanted to be his wife or child. But also, it was a vastly different generation too, so there's that).

    So anyway, I'm babbling, but yes -- parents have a profound influence on their children. I don't think I myself was terribly healthy for a while, and had a lot of identity/confidence issues, and still probably do to a certain extent -- just not nearly so much as I used to. My brother was also extremely unhealthy for a period; at age 19, he was actually in a hospital for about 6 weeks because he was suicidal, and was in therapy and on meds for several yrs after that, but appears to be doing MUCH better now. Regarding my brother, who really knows. Was it family dynamics? Was it his own thing? Was it more of a chemical imbalance? It's anyone's guess.
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  2. #12
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    My parents are both introverts and got stuck with my sis and I as thier kids! an isfj and intp with 2 extroverted sp kids! we got bored a lot growing up on the farm because we lived IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE and my parents never saw any need to do anything any more social than visit my grandparents once a week and go to church on Sunday morning- going to school was a BLESSING!

    My parents raised us to be gender neutral kind of- I can cook and dress and make myself up properly, but I can also change my oil filter, split wood and reshingle a house!

    umm.. yeah- that probably explains a lot of things! they STILL can't figure out why I never stay at home for more than a day or two (because it's so far in the middle of nowhere that I get bored out of my skull) or WHY I enjoy going to parties (they don't know the details!)- actually, my mom is judgemental enough that my parents know absolutley nothing about my life! I suppose I've been a bit wild in my past purely to make up for the fact that I had NOTHING to do as a kid!
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  3. #13
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    I'm INFJ and male. My childhood was hell. I cried too easily and my emotions could be manipulated by my peers for fun. I was teased, taunted, hazed, bullied, and outright abused by people who felt they could toughen me up. They succeeded, but not in the way they envisioned. I became resistant, passive-aggressive, borderline neurotic, and nobody could touch the real me. And it worked well until I met an ENTJ woman. And over just a few months she broke me into a thousand pieces. And it took a long while, but I was able to rebuild myself.

    I'm happy I am who I am and that I have had the experiences I have had. Being sensitive, nurturing, and empathetic is nothing to be ashamed of as a male. I'm bisexual and love being able to be intimate with both sexes. Being an F male makes me feel very androgynous and complete as a person. It has its problems and defects, but what is life without challenges?

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    I think the new manager over at my local Radio Shack is an INFJ. He seems really quiet and nice.

    The other day I returned a Magellan GPS system because my father had already bought my husband a GPS gadget and I didn't know. When I told the manager that the reason I was returning it is because we were getting a Garmin instead, he practically went ballistic. Seriously, I don't think he would have (certainly shouldn't have) said those things to any other customer, but I'm a special case because I am friendly with everyone there, and I may be working there soon.

    Anyway, from what I have learned here, the F can be really passionate. So, I asked him, is this is a pet peeve of yours, and he admitted it was.

    I don't know for sure if he's an F. He's just not as "cold" as a "T" usually seems.

    I love "F" guys. I think they're wonderful.

  5. #15
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    Someone made comments to me today about not seeming female...questioning that I was because I out-geeked him at something. I was not pleased.
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  6. #16
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Varelse View Post
    Someone made comments to me today about not seeming female...questioning that I was because I out-geeked him at something. I was not pleased.
    Actually, I think most women are smarter than men give them credit for being. There are a lot of people who often pretend not to know something they actually know to allow the other person to feel better about their intelligence... sometimes even convincing the person that they're a good teacher. I think he was just angry that you were smarter than he was, and he wanted to get back at you for making him feel inferior to you intellectually.

    There are also men who don't really know what they're talking about, but give a really technical-sounding or general answer using circular reasoning that makes them sound smarter than they really are.

  7. #17
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    I dated an INFJ male for 4 years. To people who didn't really know him he seemed cold and very withdrawn, he might of even come off as a T at times. When i first met him i thought he was a T because he often said cold sarcastic things that i would expect to hear from an INTP. He was actually very emotional,caring,opinionated and a bit helpless. He really needed someone to be there for him and take care of him and to this day still the only guy i've ever seen cry.sometimes he was even moodier than i am, which he often blamed on his blood sugar.
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    There are a lot of people who often pretend not to know something they actually know to allow the other person to feel better about their intelligence... sometimes even convincing the person that they're a good teacher.
    It's an action that is tactically good but strategically weak. In the long term, you risk losing the person's trust because eventually s/he will realize the deception. So it's not really smart, isn't it?

  9. #19
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    i'm a male INFJ.

    basically, i learned how to suppress emotions early...and i got really into meditation when i was like 10 or 11 for a few months, so i'd be able to acknowledge my emotions without feeling them.

    but i was too self controlled (because i was so aware of all of the possible ways each of my actions could be interpreted). i've grown into myself more, and i keep my guard down most of the time now (which is a good thing!).

    it's interesting, though, pretty much all of my best friends are female (and my best male friend is INFJ). i feel less pressure from females to exhibit stereotypically "masculine" traits (Te-ish stuff). and i seem to be the only guy i know who hangs out with mostly girls that isn't gay and doesn't act gay for some reason...

    by the way, though, i don't think F males are necessarily more emotional than T males. and in some ways, being feeling oriented (esp. Fi) can be helpful if you're trying to appear "tough" or "masculine" or whatever -- you can notice your own feelings and deal with them as they come instead of letting them build up until you blow up and get super-emotional. although i guess you could blow up in a masculine way, and probably would if you were Te dominant. hmm. i dunno, i'm just thinking of my INTJ friend who definitely got made fun of for being too emotional 89324783278x more than i did. well, i never did, i guess. hmm.


    edit:

    oh yeah, and i dated an ENTP girl for about a year and a half. she's really good socially; almost everyone loves her (at first), but she has a habit of starting debates (and winning), which not everyone takes so lightly. it's a funny thing about her; she looks very feminine and small, but wow she has a mouth.

    i think it's hard for her, though. no one can really understand her NeTi point of view. and i'm sometimes taken aback by her lack of empathy. it was actually part of the reason we broke up.

    interesting relationship dynamics, though!

  10. #20
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    i think it's hard for her, though. no one can really understand her NeTi point of view. and i'm sometimes taken aback by her lack of empathy. it was actually part of the reason we broke up.
    Yeah, I broke up with an INTJ for largely the same reason. He would never even wait for me when we were walking anywhere and he would make remarks about what he felt was unattractive about me. Fine qualities in a friend, but they destroyed what chemistry I had with him.

    I think respect for other's feelings is an essential trait and it amazes me how much some T types can lack it.

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