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  1. #1
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Default How to win back an ISTJ male? HE IS CONFUSING ME!!

    I am an ENFP and i have known this ISTJ male for some time now. We have always had a physical attraction for each other and we recently acted on it and became Friends with Benefits. He was very persistant that he wanted more (calling ALOT, showing up at my house, and telling me he wanted us to be more). Well, i was in a relationship at the time, and basically blew him off and did some pretty shady things to him. But, he always seems to take me back and come around even when we fall out. I have since broken up with my boyfriend and realized that i really really like the ISTJ male. But, since then he has become very very sketchy. He claims he's busy and has no reason to lie to me, but his actions say something else. He doesn't return my calls or call as much as he use to... but, i feel like he's still interested and he says he still likes me. What is his deal!? ISTJ MALES, HELP ME, PLEASE!?

  2. #2
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're getting a taste of your own medicine. So let me get this straight: you were cheating on your SO with ISTJ, and being shady to ISTJ.. now he's being shady to you when you're in the situation he was in, and you're upset about it?

    It's not very fair to complain about things that you're readily willing to do yourself. Imo, it sounds like he's lost respect for you to some extent..Whatever 'shady things' you did to him made him realize that you really weren't a good choice, so he's looking onward and leaving you in the dust.

    This sounded a lot harsher than it was intended to now that I read back on it.. I hope you come to a reasonable conclusion. Though, in the future, I would suggest not complicating another relationship until you've ended the first one.
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  3. #3
    ThatGirl
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    Ive never dated an ISTJ male so....

    What I am familiar with is the ditch and switch.

    I learned a long time ago, it does not matter how much time a guy puts in, or how much effort. Guys do a lot of things when they want something.

    You're feeling foolish no?

    Like it is your fault, and you fucked up.

    Thing to remember this guy knew you when you were with someone else.....wouldn't you have given him what he wanted for all that time, by coming around?

    Something to think about.

  4. #4
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    It sounds like you're getting a taste of your own medicine. So let me get this straight: you were cheating on your SO with ISTJ, and being shady to ISTJ.. now he's being shady to you when you're in the situation he was in, and you're upset about it?

    It's not very fair to complain about things that you're readily willing to do yourself. Imo, it sounds like he's lost respect for you to some extent..Whatever 'shady things' you did to him made him realize that you really weren't a good choice, so he's looking onward and leaving you in the dust.

    This sounded a lot harsher than it was intended to now that I read back on it.. I hope you come to a reasonable conclusion. Though, in the future, I would suggest not complicating another relationship until you've ended the first one.
    @ Kyuuei.... I left out alot. He was in a relationship too!! His just ended a little earlier than mine. But i do think he lost respect for me a little... But, why does he continue to come around? We still have sex? and talk for hours sometimes... I just don't get him. If he has lost respect for me.. How do you guys suggest i gain it back? I have apologized on several occassions.. telling how great of a person he was and how foolish it was of me to overlook that, i even told him that at times i felt that he was to good for me... my innermost thoughts about him. How I made a huge mistake and i really like him.. how i miss him. I told him exactly how i felt... He than commended me and said it took a big person to admit all of that... each time he calls, i try to talk about it though.. because i feel so bad about how i did him and he once said "This is why i don't call you, you always want to talk about this situation." I always ask him is he coming around only for sex and he always always says no and gets defensive when i say he's lying. IDK. This situation is killing me!! What's your suggestion?

  5. #5
    ThatGirl
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    You wont >.<

  6. #6
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    You wont >.<
    I won't what? Win him back? What is your reasoning behind that and your earlier post? I feel like we where both wrong.. i may have been a little bit more wrong.. but wrong is wrong none the less. Is he just using me now, or getting payback?

  7. #7
    ThatGirl
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    No, because it wasn't there to begin with.

    You are punishing yourself by your standards, trying to explain his behavior. You fucked up, YOU didn't treat him with the same gusto he treated you with.

    He pursued you no? He wanted you when all that other shit was going on, drama and exs'.

    If he really wanted YOU, he would be appreciative. No?

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Not enough info to understand the situation properly. Not enough of a character description of him to actually know how he would respond so take the following as the educated guess it is:

    He sounds like he chickened out. Is he still young or immature? Coz he sounsd like he is. Either his pride got wounded or he's doing the whole 'why buy the cow when i can have the milk for free' bit. I also suspect that the fact that some other guy had rights on you before was not sitting well with him (Jealousy ,ftw!), and now that that's no longer the case, he doesn't feel the need to mark his turf anymore as he's the only one getting into your pants atm, without having to commit as well.

    I could be completely off though, coz I don't have enoug info on who he is.

    Either way:
    Stop nagging him about this, coz it's clearly only making him wanna avoid that. Decide for yourself if you're able to just go back to friends with benefits or if that for you is no longer an option. Inform him of your choice. Stick with it. Let him make up his own mind as to how he responds to your choice.
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  9. #9
    Member woolgatherer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CocoB View Post
    each time he calls, i try to talk about it though.. because i feel so bad about how i did him and he once said "This is why i don't call you, you always want to talk about this situation." I always ask him is he coming around only for sex and he always always says no and gets defensive when i say he's lying. IDK. This situation is killing me!! What's your suggestion?
    I would stop doing both of those things you just mentioned. Of course he gets defensive when you tell him he's lying. There's no way to win in that conversation. If you want the relationship to work you're going to have to stop rehashing the past and let it go eventually. Of course from what you've said it's not really clear to me if he wants it to work or not.

    I don't know any ISTJ males so I don't know what they're like. Have you tried asking him what he wants?
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  10. #10
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by woolgatherer View Post
    I would stop doing both of those things you just mentioned. Of course he gets defensive when you tell him he's lying. There's no way to win in that conversation. If you want the relationship to work you're going to have to stop rehashing the past and let it go eventually. Of course from what you've said it's not really clear to me if he wants it to work or not.

    I don't know any ISTJ males so I don't know what they're like. Have you tried asking him what he wants?
    I have told him that i really like him and care for him alot.. and he says "i like you too, i feel like we vibe out" But, i guess you have made a good point.. i never asked him what he wanted, i just go by his actions. i'm too scared and my pride won't let me ask him if he's still interested... i just assume that he's around because he wants me too. Especially since i have told him exactly how i feel.

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