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  1. #11
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CocoB View Post
    @ Kyuuei.... I left out alot. He was in a relationship too!! His just ended a little earlier than mine. But i do think he lost respect for me a little... But, why does he continue to come around? We still have sex? and talk for hours sometimes... I just don't get him. If he has lost respect for me.. How do you guys suggest i gain it back? I have apologized on several occassions.. telling how great of a person he was and how foolish it was of me to overlook that, i even told him that at times i felt that he was to good for me... my innermost thoughts about him. How I made a huge mistake and i really like him.. how i miss him. I told him exactly how i felt... He than commended me and said it took a big person to admit all of that... each time he calls, i try to talk about it though.. because i feel so bad about how i did him and he once said "This is why i don't call you, you always want to talk about this situation." I always ask him is he coming around only for sex and he always always says no and gets defensive when i say he's lying. IDK. This situation is killing me!! What's your suggestion?
    The bolded part. Istj's don't really like people being emotional too much. The best advice i have been given (i have an ISTJ partner) is too back off on the emotional stuff and talk in a matter of fact way. I would go on to say that it is best to stop keeping on talking about once you have talked about it, it as it makes him feel uncomfortable.
    I think if you really want to be with this guy, be as honest as possible, back off a little and be much less emotional and emotionally demanding. If you can't and you feel you need to be emotional and have it reciprocated, then it's probably a lost cause.
    There is also possibly a control thing going on for him, i find my ISTJ likes to be in control of every situation. Once he feels he is in control he then dosn't have to worry about it so much and can focus on other things, just monitoring occaisionally.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  2. #12
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Not enough info to understand the situation properly. Not enough of a character description of him to actually know how he would respond so take the following as the educated guess it is:

    He sounds like he chickened out. Is he still young or immature? Coz he sounsd like he is. Either his pride got wounded or he's doing the whole 'why buy the cow when i can have the milk for free' bit. I also suspect that the fact that some other guy had rights on you before was not sitting well with him (Jealousy ,ftw!), and now that that's no longer the case, he doesn't feel the need to mark his turf anymore as he's the only one getting into your pants atm, without having to commit as well.

    I could be completely off though, coz I don't have enoug info on who he is.

    Either way:
    Stop nagging him about this, coz it's clearly only making him wanna avoid that. Decide for yourself if you're able to just go back to friends with benefits or if that for you is no longer an option. Inform him of your choice. Stick with it. Let him make up his own mind as to how he responds to your choice.
    He is young like me 21, he is a typical ISTJ... He is very routine and usually has everything planned out to a T!! He is VERY VERY nice looking and girls usually flock to him, giving him a HUGE pride. You also don't know that we where best friends before this all went down.. so, i know him alot more than i let on in the first blog. I know that his pride is hurt and i get the feeling that he wants me to work as hard as he did the first time around.. But, idk if my feelings and pride will let me. I hate not knowing what's going on, but it seems that whenever i try to talk about the issue he CHICKENS OUT!! Then returns days or even a week later and asks me how i feel about his disappearance or whatever he did last. Is he punishing me? I try to play the non-chalant role, but i want him real bad.. i feel like he's the one for me and i have been stupid and blind to it all along, a point i made to him once and he was like "Yes, you have." I asked him if we would ever be as close as we use to be and he was very vauge and says it's random. I have also tried to go back to being friends and he is VERY against it.. i don't think he veiws me as a friend anymore and i don't view him in that light either. I just want him back around, you know? I am so very ashamed of my behavior towards him because it's very rare for me to mistreat someone....

  3. #13
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Ok. Well, there's only so many times you can appologize. Realize that. If he cannot appreciate that, then is he really the man you wanna be with? Are you sure that he is so right for you if you cannot even figure this out together?

    If you still are then, I suggest the following:

    Tell him what you just told us. Tell him that you've repeatedly appologized for what you've done, you don't know what else to do and he apparently doesn't seem interested in maintaining any kind of relationship. Tell him you'll miss him but you've understood the hint and will back off. And btw...mean what you say. Be ok with it. It's sad, it's unfortunate but move on. Being stuck at this point is just as painful as moving on and doesn't get you anywhere. Be sincere in what you say when you tell him this and be non-judgemental. If anything be sad but understanding.

    See what happens. And be ok with what happens next, whatever it may be.

    Whatever the outcome: learn from it, for the future, in every way you can. Coz though this experience may have sucked ass, it is a serious gem when it comes to lessons in growing up.

    Good luck
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #14
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CocoB View Post
    I just want him back around, you know? I am so very ashamed of my behavior towards him because it's very rare for me to mistreat someone....
    Sometimes, you don't get a do-over. Actions have consequences, and a bridge might have burned. He might stick around because he likes the sex, but at this point, you might have hurt him too deeply for him to invest any further. Sorry. This is part of that beastly process called "growing up".

  5. #15
    Member CocoB's Avatar
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    Thank you guys for the advice, i and i'm going to do what you guys suggest.. I'm going to move on and if he comes around than i'll be happy, but if he doesn't... i'll be happy too. This is apart of life and all i can do is learn from it... i'll make sure to apologize one final time before i cut him off, just so he know's that i am sincere... But i'm not gonna do this any longer. Thanks Guys!! : )

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