User Tag List

First 234

Results 31 to 37 of 37

  1. #31
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,881

    Default

    Thank ya'll kindly for responses so far.. It's a lot of information to take in and think about.. I know it's hard to reply to something briefly summarized like the OP, yet actually very specific and detailed.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    You can't "convince" an introvert that their ways are wrong. We follow our natural inclinations, just like extroverts do. That's what extroverts don't seem to get. We're not doing anything wrong (there's nothing wrong with us), we're just different from you.

    Why do you always have to be out and about? Why do you always need attention? Why do you always have to have someone to talk to? Those things, indeed, are foreign to me. I don't need any of those things 95% of the time and I don't understand people who just have to have it - constantly. But, I try to understand them. I try to put myself in their shoes and say, "Well, that's just who they are. That's them!"
    I'd never try to convince an introvert that their ways are wrong. I'm an ENFP for Christ's sake.. I don't think hardly anything is 'wrong' in and of itself. Wrong is situational with me.

    I don't always need someone to talk to.. I don't always want people to talk to either. I just wish, the times I did want to engage with my best friend, she was available. If being in person wasn't necessary for people to bond, I have a feeling that not only would long distance relationships work out more, but there'd be a whole lot more of them. It's not that I ever doubt that she's my friend.. I just doubt how close she is anymore. If the probability of being rejected with no answer is so much higher than being answered, I'm probably just not going to contact that person anymore. This is a harder decision to make when it's my best friend, however.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  2. #32
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,663

    Default

    I'm usually very accomadating to my extroverted friend provided they understand a few things:

    1) I'm emetophobic, so anything that involves a lot of drinking or something that involves a hell of a lot of motion (I get motion sickness) and you're going to get a big fat NO

    2) If I have to work in the morning, then it can't be too late. (Currently too late for me is after 1am. Before or up to that is ok)

    Otherwise, I generally go along with whatever hair-brained scheme my extroverts friends have come up with that particular evening. In fact, often times I would LIKE to go out and do something and nobody will respond. I'll post something on my Facebook like, "have the rest of the evening to myself, text me if you're doing anything as I wouldn't mind the company" which I think is pretty damned straight forward.

    Nobody ever really responds to me though, and I'm always left feeling sad like, "Nobody wants to pway wif me "

    As for friends dropping by, I honestly wish they would. When I first moved into my apartment I actually arranged my furniture in such a way as to maximize comfort for any guests I may have. No one's done so yet.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #33
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    2,428

    Default

    If a friend wants to hang out, I'll do it regardless of how I'm feeling.
    A good friend also tends to drain me a lot less than a random person, plus the company more than makes up for it anyway.

    I don't seek company myself however, and I'm also not inclined to change that.

  4. #34
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    2,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Thank ya'll kindly for responses so far.. It's a lot of information to take in and think about.. I know it's hard to reply to something briefly summarized like the OP, yet actually very specific and detailed.



    I'd never try to convince an introvert that their ways are wrong. I'm an ENFP for Christ's sake.. I don't think hardly anything is 'wrong' in and of itself. Wrong is situational with me.

    I don't always need someone to talk to.. I don't always want people to talk to either. I just wish, the times I did want to engage with my best friend, she was available. If being in person wasn't necessary for people to bond, I have a feeling that not only would long distance relationships work out more, but there'd be a whole lot more of them. It's not that I ever doubt that she's my friend.. I just doubt how close she is anymore. If the probability of being rejected with no answer is so much higher than being answered, I'm probably just not going to contact that person anymore. This is a harder decision to make when it's my best friend, however.
    And so goes the E vs. I push and pull. It's just like the other 3 MBTI functions. N's find S's to be practical, simple, and straighforward. S's find N's to be dreamers and sometimes impractical. T's are too harsh, too blunt, sometimes complete jerks. F's are too illogical, too fluffy, maybe even needy. J's are set in their ways, structured, and inflexible. P's are wishy-washy and sometimes flaky. It goes on and on.

    There's nothing pansy about being an introvert and not wanting to take your call. It's quite possible that your friend thinks its pansy that you keep calling and need to hang out so much. Not taking your calls is a sign that you might be pushing too much or asking for time when she's not willing to give it. I will always take the calls of my extrovert friends and if I don't want to hang out, I will say straight out, "I don't want to hang out today." It is my hope that if I say what I mean and mean what I say that they will respect my preferences and my decisions. If I continue to get pressure and if they are not accepting my "no" at face value (no definitely means no, in this instance, trust me), that's when I have to resort to things like not taking phone calls.

    It's not that we don't value our friendships. Please don't misunderstand. We love our friends just like anyone else. We just innately have less desire for social stimulation than you do. It's just WAY TOO MUCH sometimes. And it's WAY OVERRATED a lot of times. When I tell my extroverted friends no, it doesn't mean I don't like them or don't want to remain friends. It just means that I don't want to hang out right now. And I might not want to hang out tomorrow either. And maybe not this coming weekend either. But, be patient, we'll get together soon enough. And you can be sure that when you guys do get together, your friend will have missed your company and will usually be really glad and excited to see you. You'll get the full benefit of her personality. You'll get the version of your friend that you love most. But, if you've been pressuring them and pushing them and trying to get them to be more extroverted, you're going to get a frustrated, short-tempered friend who is in a hurry to get home.

    We introverts have our responsibility too. I don't want to put it all on extroverts to cater to us. It's just about understanding what makes us tick. That's all we want from extroverts. Try to really put yourself in our shoes. If you can't, then you'll always just think we're a bunch of pansies. We have a responsibility to get out of our shells more and to push ourselves a little bit in order to maintain relationships.

    Just try to understand your friend. I guarantee she will appreciate it greatly. She definitely wants and values your friendship, but if it always has to be on YOUR TERMS, then we will definitely find a way to create the distance that is comfortable for us - even if that means shutting down the whole operation for a period of time (You can't conduct business if the business is closed). I've done that in very rare situations - when I'm being pulled in a lot of directions by a lot of people (work, boss, other groups I belong to, friends, family, etc, etc, etc.) - I just take 2 days off work and go to the beach with a book. Cell phone stays in the car (I'll check it before I go to bed). Go to a matinee movie by myself. Only 4 people in the theatre (Popcorn is on me, everyone. Who wants popcorn?) LOL, I'm going to do that next time! But, it's limited interaction with everyone. "One for Iron Man 2, please. Here's 20 bucks. Thanks!" Go to my favorite restaurant and get some food to go. Next day, just stay in and do some writing, thinking. No schedule, no demands, nobody telling me that I'm not doing enough of this or enough of that. Basically, leave a voice message. I'll get back to you. By the 3rd day, no joke, I feel like a million bucks. I'm recharged and ready to go!

    Do her (and yourself) a huge favor and free her of "your expectations". Just let her be who she is and appreciate her for the person she is. She might disappoint you sometimes by not wanting to hang out or answering your calls. Don't take it personally. Take the bad with the good and appreciate her for all of her good qualities. This approach will go A VERY LONG WAY with most introverts.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #35
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    infp
    Posts
    64

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    If a friend wants to hang out, I'll do it regardless of how I'm feeling.
    A good friend also tends to drain me a lot less than a random person, plus the company more than makes up for it anyway.

    I don't seek company myself however, and I'm also not inclined to change that.
    me too.

    i usually am down to do whatever with my extroverted friends. but sometimes they will want to do something like go to the beach, play basketball, etc, and i really won't feel like going, but i usually do anyways.

  6. #36
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,881

    Default

    If I say I can't get someone to answer my call, I'm calling too much is the automatic assumption. Ya'll make me sound like some needy attention whore.. SO. Thank you for those that answered honestly and helped me with your input.. but I'm no longer getting the responses I was attempting to seek out.

    If I really thought it was myself doing anything wrong, out of the ordinary, or something that could easily be corrected, I would have made (and have attempted to before) the adjustments necessary to see if that fixed the problem. I really don't think assumptions like "If she's avoiding your calls, you're calling too much" should be made. I wasn't calling my best friend a pansy, I was making the statement that introverts make just as many excuses to not hang out as extroverts do convincing introverts that don't wanna hang out to.. I made the comments to say, "The door swings both ways, I GET IT, I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about my friend." My entire point of the OP is, "My best friend definitely still cares for me.. but we're grown apart, and it's entirely on her as to why. If you still cared deeply for your best friend as an introvert, what may be other reasons as to why you'd avoid him or her?" I haven't done anything to offend my friend, or done anything that she doesn't know me to do in the past... oh.. 18 years of friendship. I don't doubt she cares for me, but something else is creating a distance and I'm not sure what. So I wanted introverted opinion. This was not an open arena to analyze my actions, what I may or may not have done, what ya'll think is proper or not..

    On my last phone bill, I called my friend twice in a month's time. That's two more times than last month, and one more time than the month before that. I Do Not Call Often. Usually it's also for small, minor things like, "Hey, wanted to see if you wanted to grab lunch while I was out and about", etc. So.. before I end up getting offended at everyone calling me attention needy, I think I'll close the thread out here. Again, thank you to those who attempted to answer. I did get some good input on the situation.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  7. #37
    Member Flutterby's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    36

    Default

    I have one extroverted friend that comes to mind, and I spent a lot of time with him because either he visited me at my house or I visited him at his house. If I had to go out 'out' to see him I probably would have seen him a lot less. So my suggestion - invite your friend to your house. Don't be pushy in your invitation, but do be friendly. Also if you make it clear that they can visit you any time and that you miss them, you may well see more of them than if you blow up at them or whinge at them. (Not saying that you did, I'm just saying.)

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] How would you use your extroverted functions if you were completely alone?
    By labyrinthine in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 11-24-2017, 12:00 AM
  2. [MBTItm] How to develop your extroverted side?
    By Slay in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-06-2017, 12:37 PM
  3. How NOT to motivate your type
    By Elfboy in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 05-06-2011, 01:08 PM
  4. [SJ] How often you change your avatar?
    By Habba in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-08-2010, 04:44 PM
  5. Introverts that appear to be highly extroverted?
    By ReadingRainbows in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 02-19-2009, 04:00 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO