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  1. #21
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Pretty much accommodated the Extroverts all my fucken life. I thought there was something wrong with me because I was not an extrovert. Later I thought there was something wrong with me because I stopped feeling guilty that I wasn't an extrovert.

    I think I truly became aware I was an incurable introvert when I looked back to the low paying night security job (where all I did was basically kick it in the guard hut where I would study, read and watched videos by myself or simply stare out the window) I had while attending my later college years and decided that those years kicking it in the guard hut was one of the best times in my life.

    Although there are the times I need to drum up my energy and temporary morph into an extrovert...I am nevertheless completely comfortable and happy to say I am now an unapologetic introvert who has no problem with saying..."naw I'm cool head on without me, I might catch up later."
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
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  2. #22
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Which still doesn't answer my question at all. My OP clearly states that, even at times she's perfectly capable of answering her phone, she will not, and will not bother to call or text back. So I'm just suppose to stop communicating entirely, is basically what ya'll are saying to me.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    Mon, not calling is often done for the extrovert. Do you really want to talked to a tired and pissed off introvert getting off of work or a more relaxed introvert later?
    Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

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  4. #24
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Kyuuei, you're sure she's not blowing you off?
    I can be bad about responding to texts/phone calls (because even if it seems I am not doing something important, my MIND is somewhere else, very much engaged). However, I will respond eventually.

    So no, you should not stop communicating, but you may question if the friendship is growing apart.
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  5. #25
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Which still doesn't answer my question at all. My OP clearly states that, even at times she's perfectly capable of answering her phone, she will not, and will not bother to call or text back. So I'm just suppose to stop communicating entirely, is basically what ya'll are saying to me.
    Yah, I know

    Maybe it's personal, but maybe not.

    You can't force someone to socialise with you no matter how close you believe you should be. Is she just hibernating? Wanting a change of pace? Withdrawing because she has problems? Facing depression? There's any number of things that may be going on that have nothing to do with how she feels about you and everything to do with her needing space from the world. If her behavioural patterns have actually changed there is a reason and introverts generally do not go to others to discuss what's going on.

    Does she internet? With me, I don't answer my mobile, rarely respond to texts and don't like unexpected visitors but I can be contacted via email or the net, and family know I have to answer my work phone.

    I don't suggest to stop trying to contact her, you're her friend, just give her some space.

  6. #26
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Its a tough call. I don't call back a lot now. When I was younger I was pretty good because I thought being an introvert was being wrong.

    Seriously, its like getting upset at a cat because it will not act like a dog. No need to burn the bridge just find some more friends. My best friend in college was an extrovert and although sad to see him move away I was also relieved because the friendship took up a lot of my time and it was tiring.

    We however are still great friends to this day because at those moments when we were frustrated with each other we chose not to burn the bridges of our friendship.

    Most often when I apply my advanced hiding techniques its not from one person but from everyone (unless its an emergancy or giving someone their special time because I have been neglecting them too much) so it is fruitless to take it personally.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  7. #27
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Disclaimer: I know Extroverts have to accomodate for introversion and the door swings both ways, etc. Anyways..

    Introverts, how often do you accomodate for your extroverted friends? When do you say, "Okay, yes, I'll do this even though it's not my cup of tea.." and when do you say, "No. I'm done."

    My ISTJ friend has no problem [read: after some convincing and running out of excuses] giving things a try. My Best friend though, INFP, will straight up say No. "C'mon, we can go to the beach!" No. I call her, no answer, no follow up call.

    Disclaimer: I know there are relationships where the extrovert bugs WAY too much. I understand that. Don't post complaining about that. Anyways..

    This is new grounds for me.. we're suppose to be best friends, but I'm starting to think she wants to hang with me every so often and that's it. She calls me when SHE wants to talk to me, but I can't ever get a hold of her when I have things I want to say. I've even caught her, a couple times, avoiding me at the door step when I knock. (Note: I didn't call her out on this.. but it made me feel like I was being a total creep somehow because of it.) I've gotten angry at her only 2 times in my life. Once over something dumb in high school, and I cried afterwards for yelling and apologized immediately. The other last year or so, when she was avoiding me way too much for comfort. I just wanted her to be honest with me, and she assured me it was definitely her and not me.

    I do a lot of accomodating of her extremely introverted way, even when I see her FB post about hanging out with other friends. But.. I keep thinking, she doesn't ever really accomodate my extroverted ways at all.

    So when do I cross the line and say something? When do I start to think she's not my best friend anymore? She knows everything about me.. but at the same time.. =( Im starting to feel like we're best friends out of time default.. instead of feeling that way because we're so close and connected.
    This sounds so familiar to me, Kyuuei, except reverse the whole people part; I feel like you feel except with my extraverted friends. So, that leads me to believe it's not a E/I thing at all, but a friend wanting distance thing.

    I also have a bff that really isn't a bff anymore, (I still for the life of me don't know if she's e or i, esfx I think) and I still tried to think of her as my bff for years longer than I should have, because I just couldn't fathom that we weren't bff's anymore. I've let her go, for the most part, and I feel great about it (slightly guilty, okay, but a bit better overall) because we were locked into some patterns that we just couldn't escape from, and that ultimately weren't too healthy for me.

    I don't usually recommend hashing things out at this point, just because I've tried it all lots of times, and with various friendships, and it seems to lead nowhere good, causes more hurt than it ameliorates, and can distract you into a zone that really isn't the truth; putting someone on the spot can make them say what they think you want to hear, because they simply don't want to hurt you. IF you've done something wrong, she will tell you. Usually what's happened is just years of stuff that feels heavy and burdensome. How to hash through that? You really can't. So, I recommend just following her lead and backing off. Mirror her interest, if you feel like it. See over time how it feels and what happens. You might find you aren't as bad off as you thought you'd be.

    edit: Also, if she stays away emotionally, expect to grieve for sure (you probably already are, you sound angry, the second stage of grieving). Maybe over time you guys can find some niche for your friendship, and resume it in some way.
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  8. #28
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Here's one introvert that would love it if a friend dropped by my place unannounced. Nobody's done that to me since I was a kid. I think it would be cool. Nobody ever knocks on my door except the pizza guy or occasionally Mormon missionary dudes.

    kyuuei, feel free to drop by my place any time!
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  9. #29
    Member woolgatherer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I keep hearing this over and over again.. How about if people USUALLY announce, but every once in a while stop by quickly? Is it still SO intrusive? Is it still such a burden for ya'll? That big of an annoyance?
    Like a couple of other people have said, I'm often sitting around totally unprepared to face the world (or one person). I sleep really late, I wear pajamas at strange times of day, my house is messy... even if you show up briefly you're still seeing me/my house like that. When people I live with have friends over I often spend that time hiding in my room. When I socialize I usually know at least a day ahead of time so I'm in that mindset, knowing that it's coming up and then getting myself ready that day.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I feel like shit if I have to start treating a friend the same way I treat my doctor appointments. I mean, isn't part of the reason you become friends with someone is the whole, "I'll be here for you whenever you need me!" thing?
    If someone said they really needed me, that would make a difference. I would still want/need a warning, but I would gather myself up even if I were not feeling in the mood to be around people. That's if they were having some kind of crisis.

    My friend often accuses me of being withdrawn or pulling away, and it really stresses me out. It's exasperating because that's not really the way I feel and it seems like I can never convince him otherwise. He's an introvert too though.

    I have few friends and I don't think any of them are extroverts, so I can't really answer the original question. It does seem possible that your friend wants some space... or maybe she is in a depression or dealing with some big issues. I really hate making phone calls but I can always email... eventually. Or I intend to email and forget all about it, but that's not with close friends usually. I don't know what you should do. Being an introvert I don't think I would still be pursuing a friendship with her at this point, but that's not necessarily the best thing to do. Maybe you should ask how she's been feeling lately.
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  10. #30
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Maybe this is the army person in me talking, but I just (plz don't be offended) want to say stop being such a pansy when I hear things like that. Like, I don't understand the concept of 'regretting' what I do with my friends later just because I'm a bit tired or drained. If I NEED the time, than there's nothing that can be done. If I just simply want the time, which is usually the case, I have no problem giving that up for people. I just don't think people are as weak as they make themselves out to be when they say things like this. If people truly do have an HP/MP meter, than even when it's low they should still be able to fight the good fight. I'm not saying this has to always be the case.. I am saying that I spend a lot of time that I usually NEED from her alone when I truly needed to 're-charge' my own batteries.. I just ask for the same consideration in return. Seperate needing from wanting.
    It's difficult for you to understand the introvert's dilemma because you aren't one. Most of us (mostly the INxx's, IMO, not so much ISxx), don't need (or want, 90% of the time) to hang out. It's a different paradigm altogether from the extrovert. We are hard-wired differently. We don't need a lot of attention or interaction. We're perfectly content being by ourselves most of the time. We need people in our lives, but to a much lesser degree. It's all relative, like everything else in life. You like lots of pepper on your salad, I just like a dash of it. It is what it is.

    I try to tell extroverts to totally turn upside down their whole idea of "being around people." Just imagine it like this: every time you have a desire to be around people, that's about how often INxx's will want to be alone. And the amount of time you like spending by yourself is more like the amount of time we want to hang out. You can't "convince" an introvert that their ways are wrong. We follow our natural inclinations, just like extroverts do. That's what extroverts don't seem to get. We're not doing anything wrong (there's nothing wrong with us), we're just different from you.

    Why do you always have to be out and about? Why do you always need attention? Why do you always have to have someone to talk to? Those things, indeed, are foreign to me. I don't need any of those things 95% of the time and I don't understand people who just have to have it - constantly. But, I try to understand them. I try to put myself in their shoes and say, "Well, that's just who they are. That's them!"
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