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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    It's difficult sometimes because I have trouble "keeping up" with extroverts and their high energy levels. Let's say that I have a day off work. Should I stay home where it's quiet and peaceful and re-charge my batteries (that's the same for us introverts as "going out and doing something really fun" is for you extroverts), or do I spend my day off doing something that will essentially drain my batteries - and then be at work the next day wishing I had taken the proper time to recharge like I knew I should have?

    The reason I say it's difficult is because I want to "accomodate" my extrovert friends. And I want to keep them. I really do value them. But, when I run out of "juice", I'm not very much fun to be around. And I look into the future too. If I have a day off, but I know I've got a really long week ahead of me, I know that I should be wise and take the opportunity to recharge while I have it. It's not that we want to offend anybody (and we know it "looks" selfish and sometimes it is selfish), but you just have to look at it knowing that we have to take care of ourselves before we can be any good to anyone else. I know for me personally, when my batteries are drained, my fuse is extremely short. I'm not fun. I get really cranky.

    When the batteries are fully charged, I have a lot of energy and can do a lot of things, but if it's a "high octane", high energy environment, it can deplete the battery kind of quickly (sometimes as little as, say, 2 hours!). Other times, I can go somewhere for 3 or 4 days with someone, provided that I have some breaks in the action here and there. It depends on how "demanding" the social environment is and also if I came into the situation fully charged or already on low.
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  2. #12
    Senor Membrane
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    Hmm... I don't feel any real need to accommodate them. They do something I enjoy, I'll go. If they have a party, I am usually there because I like drinking with them... It isn't like I have to make any sacrifices. But I can be a bit of a jerk with different kinds of communication. I rarely call anyone, and I might not return a call. I am not in facebook, and I don't really like e-mail either... And yeah, when I lived alone, I really disliked the idea of someone visiting me without telling me first.

  3. #13
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    When the batteries are fully charged, I have a lot of energy and can do a lot of things, but if it's a "high octane", high energy environment, it can deplete the battery kind of quickly (sometimes as little as, say, 2 hours!). Other times, I can go somewhere for 3 or 4 days with someone, provided that I have some breaks in the action here and there. It depends on how "demanding" the social environment is and also if I came into the situation fully charged or already on low.
    I don't really get that tired with people.. I mean, I do need kick it at home sooner or later, but this is one of the things I don't understand a lot about introversion/extroversion. Maybe in a way I find ways to be energetic or conserve even while I'm out and about. Like I said, I don't need to talk all the time. Or if I am at a party, I can just chill on the balcony with someone for awhile or might just take off with them, and then come back. I'm sure if I bothered with being around all the busyness, I'd get tired of it. That's not something I gravitate towards to begin with though.

    Also, one to a few people definitely do not wear me out.. in a way, i love that more than solitude. i'm not that interesting

  4. #14
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Call me old fashioned, but when did you have to arrange an appointment to drop by someone's house? It's not like I do it all the time.. but every so often, I say, "Oh. This is hers, she forgot it. I'll drop it off." Or, how about when I got ignored because, "Hey she loves these! I'll buy them and drop them off on my way home!" It's not like I could get a hold of her via the telephone anyways to call ahead of time.
    Hmm....and, see, this is so foreign to me!! I, on the other hand, don't even think of randomly stopping by because I don't want to disturb them if they are busy doing something. Perhaps this is more of an introverted response, however. I just know that for introverts especially, the random drop-by might seem intrusive. With your example of dropping off something your friend forgot, my method would always be to call the person, ask when an ok time would be to stop by, and then do it then (and they might very well say..'right now is fine!'..but at least I'd know that way).

    Re. the OP, I feel I am pretty accommodating when it comes to doing things, but maybe it's not a big deal for me because I don't have a huge number of friends to begin with, I don't have a stacked social calendar, and so when I am asked to do something, I'm almost always 100% in. The only time I'd decline would be if I'm not feeling super well, or if it's something I KNOW I won't enjoy. But, in general I'm friends with like-minded people who share the same activities of interest, so the latter is pretty much a non-issue these days.
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  5. #15
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Call me old fashioned, but when did you have to arrange an appointment to drop by someone's house? It's not like I do it all the time.. but every so often, I say, "Oh. This is hers, she forgot it. I'll drop it off." Or, how about when I got ignored because, "Hey she loves these! I'll buy them and drop them off on my way home!" It's not like I could get a hold of her via the telephone anyways to call ahead of time.

    I understand dropping by and Sticking around. but usually, I drop by, do what I needed to do, and leave. If I wanna hang out, it's usually somewhere else aside a house hold (going out to dinner is my favorite activity with her where we can try new food and catch up.) but I don't think it's such a horrendous thing to knock on someone's door. Why bother having one at all? Put a gate up if you don't like people knocking on your door. It's what people do. Is it really such a burden on introverts for someone to knock and say, "Hey! Can I borrow this game/movie?"
    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Hmm....and, see, this is so foreign to me!! I, on the other hand, don't even think of randomly stopping by because I don't want to disturb them if they are busy doing something. Perhaps this is more of an introverted response, however. I just know that for introverts especially, the random drop-by might seem intrusive. With your example of dropping off something your friend forgot, my method would always be to call the person, ask when an ok time would be to stop by, and then do it then (and they might very well say..'right now is fine!'..but at least I'd know that way).
    Maybe it's a cultural thing, too - I can see how welcoming people "just dropping by" would reflect the traditional values of the south more than the relative impersonality of the northern states and Canada. I don't think I've ever in my life had someone drop by without notice, except my dad on occasion, which feels horribly, horribly intrusive. Then you have to chitchat with them even if you'd much rather be hanging out in your underwear eating chocolates.

    Likewise, I would never drop by without calling first to ask if it was alright, with the possible exception of if I was genuinely in the neighbourhood, had no phone with me, and had a real reason to drop by...and I would still feel awkward and uncomfortable about it.

    I guess it depends on the culture you're raised in, though, and whether this is the norm.
    -end of thread-

  6. #16
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I used to live with an INFP like that, we'd make plans to go out and I'd notice her still sitting on the couch when it's nearly time to go so I'd let her know there wasn't much time, she'd acknowledge that, a little while latter I'd let her know it was getting really close, once again she'd acknowledge it with a "yes-yes". After a while of no movement I'd have to ask "you're not coming are you" and I'd get a blunt "No". I'm one of the least social extroverts I know so I certainly wasn't pushing for attention or anything she just had a habit of avoiding the issue or being vague with it even though her mind was totally made up and wasn't going to change.

    Several of the more reclusive and unpredictable souls I've known have been INFPs, with them it comes down to accept them as they come in that regard or bang your head against a brick wall. They have their priorities that may not consider the plans you want to indulge in.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Hmm....and, see, this is so foreign to me!! I, on the other hand, don't even think of randomly stopping by because I don't want to disturb them if they are busy doing something. Perhaps this is more of an introverted response, however. I just know that for introverts especially, the random drop-by might seem intrusive.
    Yeah, I'm not cool with that. Don't even like family coming around unannounced and I love them and their company.

  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I'll go almost anywhere.. I'm just not going to behave the same as extroverts.
    I pretty much go along with anything also, but I'll behave differently, and I'm likely to leave earlier than others (if I can). I don't have much fun in large groups, but I will go just to expand my social circle (I've realized how isolating myself in the past has really hurt my options in life). And if I can get breaks in conversation (where my mind can wander inward), then I tend to tire less quickly.

    I say "yes" almost every time though (except lately, cuz I'm unemployed & broke). The thing is, I don't get that many invites; not because I turn them down, but because I don't initiate or call people much. I suppose I need to make more effort to keep in contact instead of passively waiting for others to do it. I'm just so content to be alone it doesn't even occur to me much. And I have some social anxieties that makes it hard for me to reach out to people.
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  8. #18
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    It's difficult sometimes because I have trouble "keeping up" with extroverts and their high energy levels....
    Maybe this is the army person in me talking, but I just (plz don't be offended) want to say stop being such a pansy when I hear things like that. Like, I don't understand the concept of 'regretting' what I do with my friends later just because I'm a bit tired or drained. If I NEED the time, than there's nothing that can be done. If I just simply want the time, which is usually the case, I have no problem giving that up for people. I just don't think people are as weak as they make themselves out to be when they say things like this. If people truly do have an HP/MP meter, than even when it's low they should still be able to fight the good fight. I'm not saying this has to always be the case.. I am saying that I spend a lot of time that I usually NEED from her alone when I truly needed to 're-charge' my own batteries.. I just ask for the same consideration in return. Seperate needing from wanting.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I don't really get that tired with people.. I mean, I do need kick it at home sooner or later, but this is one of the things I don't understand a lot about introversion/extroversion. Maybe in a way I find ways to be energetic or conserve even while I'm out and about. Like I said, I don't need to talk all the time. Or if I am at a party, I can just chill on the balcony with someone for awhile or might just take off with them, and then come back. I'm sure if I bothered with being around all the busyness, I'd get tired of it. That's not something I gravitate towards to begin with though.

    Also, one to a few people definitely do not wear me out.. in a way, i love that more than solitude. i'm not that interesting
    THis was a great post. Thank you. I'm not the most extroverted person I know either.. not by a long shot. But I do need company every-so-often. Usually I'm just fine either way--by myself or out with friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Hmm....and, see, this is so foreign to me!! I, on the other hand, don't even think of randomly stopping by because I don't want to disturb them if they are busy doing something. Perhaps this is more of an introverted response, however. I just know that for introverts especially, the random drop-by might seem intrusive. With your example of dropping off something your friend forgot, my method would always be to call the person, ask when an ok time would be to stop by, and then do it then (and they might very well say..'right now is fine!'..but at least I'd know that way).

    Re. the OP, I feel I am pretty accommodating when it comes to doing things, but maybe it's not a big deal for me because I don't have a huge number of friends to begin with, I don't have a stacked social calendar, and so when I am asked to do something, I'm almost always 100% in. The only time I'd decline would be if I'm not feeling super well, or if it's something I KNOW I won't enjoy. But, in general I'm friends with like-minded people who share the same activities of interest, so the latter is pretty much a non-issue these days.
    What you described is foreign to me. I feel like shit if I have to start treating a friend the same way I treat my doctor appointments. I mean, isn't part of the reason you become friends with someone is the whole, "I'll be here for you whenever you need me!" thing? Or does this translate into, "Whenever is most convenient for me" now a days? To me, the latter is how I feel when I have to start making strict appointments with friends. I'm usually good about making plans, I think they're better structured and I like planning ahead. But such rigid enforcement of them? To the point of feeling like even answering the door is such a grueling obligation? Ya'll make it sound like everytime someone knocks it's the IRS doing an audit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I used to live with an INFP like that, we'd make plans to go out and I'd notice her still sitting on the couch when it's nearly time to go so I'd let her know there wasn't much time, she'd acknowledge that, a little while latter I'd let her know it was getting really close, once again she'd acknowledge it with a "yes-yes". After a while of no movement I'd have to ask "you're not coming are you" and I'd get a blunt "No". I'm one of the least social extroverts I know so I certainly wasn't pushing for attention or anything she just had a habit of avoiding the issue or being vague with it even though her mind was totally made up and wasn't going to change.

    Several of the more reclusive and unpredictable souls I've known have been INFPs, with them it comes down to accept them as they come in that regard or bang your head against a brick wall. They have their priorities that may not consider the plans you want to indulge in.



    Yeah, I'm not cool with that. Don't even like family coming around unannounced and I love them and their company.
    My head's going to have a good dent in it then.

    I keep hearing this over and over again.. How about if people USUALLY announce, but every once in a while stop by quickly? Is it still SO intrusive? Is it still such a burden for ya'll? That big of an annoyance?
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  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I keep hearing this over and over again.. How about if people USUALLY announce, but every once in a while stop by quickly? Is it still SO intrusive? Is it still such a burden for ya'll? That big of an annoyance?
    With the widespread use of cell phones, I can't see any excuse not to give a brief heads up at least ("hey I'm going past you house; mind if I drop in?")....I need some time to shove my dirty dishes in the cupboards and throw some real clothes on (I'm usually in PJs when at home) . I don't appreciate when people drop by because if I am not "prepared", then it embarrasses me; and let's face it, you're probably interrupting something.

    However, I know this can be cultural. I think in the US, it's pretty customary to call first in most circumstances.
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  10. #20
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I keep hearing this over and over again.. How about if people USUALLY announce, but every once in a while stop by quickly? Is it still SO intrusive? Is it still such a burden for ya'll? That big of an annoyance?
    What OrangeAppled said. Some people have a permanent open door policy where you can just drop in but many people see it as an intrusion, maybe they are a slob when others aren't around, maybe they like the free flowing feel of nudism, maybe they have a secret double life, maybe they have important plans that can't be interrupted... there's any number of reasons this could be an issue. Thing is, calling someone who has an open door policy isn't going to bother them, not calling someone who appreciates forewarning and privacy will.

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