Male Feelers

[Scott N Denver]

*sniff* Jerk!

And I'm a love-scone. Thank you very much.

Wow, picky picky picky, you "love scone" you

ps. are women into "love scones"??? maybe I should work on this... "Hey baby, got blueberries?"

 

[BRMC117]

Does the dominance of thinking preference in men affect your interactions with other males?

Yes all the time, I have a hard time talking with the guys at the station and holding a convo with them.


Do you feel very different/challenged by your preference?

different yes, challenged not really, most guys come up to me asking for relationship advice. I get "wow, you think just like my wife"...FML lol

 

[Biaxident]

Wow, picky picky picky, you "love scone" you

ps. are women into "love scones"??? maybe I should work on this... "Hey baby, got blueberries?"

 

[KDude]

I don't know a lot "T" males, I think. Not NT at least. I'm not sure what to talk about with many guys though... many can be at a party and start talking about their plumbing jobs or politics.

 

[Craft]

Is Fi really thinking about feelings? Does it work the same way as Ti except it's focus is not on systems? Isn't social aptitude a system? How does Fi work? Do you think about it or do you just know? Ti's goal is to understand this complex world but how much depth is there in trying to understand people's emotions alone?

 

[garbage]

So, I tend to "meta-think". Rather than thinking about the subject at hand, I end up thinking about my own thought processes regarding the subject, about the overall context, or about the relationship between me and the subject.

During meetings, I'll pay barely any mind to what's actually being said. I tend to focus on how people are interacting, how they're feeling/reacting to the subject, and so on. I pick up on the personal priorities of other people during a discussion. I tailor my speech explicitly to harmonize disparate approaches and look for points of agreement.

But I don't readily state my own opinions as often as others do.

I don't get into deep, personal conversations with many other guys. I do with women, though. I view lots of guys as being completely out of touch with the most important parts of reality.

I've discovered, accepted, and then completely embraced all of this over time. But I guess it took a while to figure all of this out.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Is Fi really thinking about feelings? Does it work the same way as Ti except it's focus is not on systems? Isn't social aptitude a system? How does Fi work? Do you think about it or do you just know? Ti's goal is to understand this complex world but how much depth is there in trying to understand people's emotions alone?

It's probably easiest to think of Fi as working on value systems and Ti working on just systems in general. You could argue that Ti users prefer not to delve into subjectivity as much as a dominant Fi user though.

I still like my hippie definition of Fi - It's the esseeeeeeenceeeeee.
You aren't as likely to be aware of active processing than Ti, which to me seems to always be 'calculated' rather than 'felt'. Though I'm sure the more developed individuals will have access to how their Fi system works in a detailed manner than just experiencing the surface of Fi. Those that are immature with Fi are more likely to be the 'This is how I feel. I can't explain it. You just have to accept it as the way it is.'

Back the OP question.
I'm usually seen as quite feminine I guess. It doesn't help that I actively play up stereotypes about being really really girlish. It doesn't bother me. In fact I'm pretty happy being the way I am. To me, those that reject these positions just seem kind of narrow-minded on what it means to be male.

I view lots of guys as being completely out of touch with the most important parts of reality.

This as well. It doesn't really make sense to just exclude something that's potentially so important.

 

[KDude]

So, I tend to "meta-think". Rather than thinking about the subject at hand, I end up thinking about my own thought processes regarding the subject, about the overall context, or about the relationship between me and the subject.

During meetings, I'll pay barely any mind to what's actually being said. I tend to focus on how people are interacting, how they're feeling/reacting to the subject, and so on. I pick up on the personal priorities of other people during a discussion. I tailor my speech explicitly to harmonize disparate approaches and look for points of agreement.

But I don't readily state my own opinions as often as others do.

I don't get into deep, personal conversations with many other guys. I do with women, though. I view lots of guys as being completely out of touch with the most important parts of reality.

I've discovered, accepted, and then completely embraced all of this over time. But I guess it took a while to figure all of this out.

^

Not that I'm knocking it, but I have to pay attention to what's actually being said to "pick up on their personal priorities".

 

[Moiety]

So, I tend to "meta-think". Rather than thinking about the subject at hand, I end up thinking about my own thought processes regarding the subject, about the overall context, or about the relationship between me and the subject.

During meetings, I'll pay barely any mind to what's actually being said. I tend to focus on how people are interacting, how they're feeling/reacting to the subject, and so on. I pick up on the personal priorities of other people during a discussion.

This I do.

I tailor my speech explicitly to harmonize disparate approaches and look for points of agreement.

But I don't readily state my own opinions as often as others do.

I don't get into deep, personal conversations with many other guys. I do with women, though. I view lots of guys as being completely out of touch with the most important parts of reality.

I've discovered, accepted, and then completely embraced all of this over time. But I guess it took a while to figure all of this out.

This I don't.






What is it like being an F male in your culture? Does the dominance of thinking preference in men affect your interactions with other males?

Not really no.

Do you feel very different/challenged by your preference?


I've felt more wise as arrogant as that sounds, and able to see deeper in some ways compared to most. Challenged? Nope. Although sometimes I've left my love for peace cause me trouble.

What defines the F male compared to the T male?


Cognition.

How are Fi males and Fe males different/similar?


They are different in that Fi males are more independent from their environment and context I'd say. They are similar in that they use feelings to make decisions, but that's about it. The way they do that though is opposite almost. The means justify the end (Fi) VS the end justify the means (Fe) at a subconscious level, would be one of the biggest differences.

Did you have to peel back a culturally imposed layer of Tness to realise you are an F? Do you often test as a T?

I still often test as a T, but I think that's partly because I have relatively high Ti. But yes culture and how I was brought up influenced it. I realized early on that feelings where not something everyone else seemed to value as much. So I guess I started processing those feelings internally only, without sharing them, and used only the outcome (my personal guidelines, my values) in the real world, while in everything else seeming very T.

 

[Qre:us]

I've been wondering about this. Are gays mostly feelers?

NO!

Does a feeler mean sensitive?

Not really.

I see myself as a thinker but I'm quite sensitive and shy. I don't express much emotion but I'm very sensitive with criticisms. Or is this the result of introversion? No, I'm not gay.

Some F males I know are actually quite hot-headed; they're rough, tough, quick to strike. Typical "macho" men. They do what they do, cuz they feel like it, and others can just fuck off if they don't like it. Some are quite zen and chill. Being an F does not mean you can have better emotional reactions that those who are T, just like being a T does not mean you can think better than an F. Those are short-sighted understanding of cognitive functions.

"F" doesn't mean that those males are a bag of salty tears. Being an F male does not also necessarily make you more sensitive.

It just means that their decision making process is given more weight to values attached to the decisions, versus, detached, logical interpretations leading to decisions, which would employ "T".

 

[JTG1984]

They do what they do, cuz they feel like it, and others can just fuck off if they don't like it.

Hey you took the words right out of my mouth!

 

[Biaxident]

NO!



Not really.



Some F males I know are actually quite hot-headed; they're rough, tough, quick to strike. Typical "macho" men. They do what they do, cuz they feel like it, and others can just fuck off if they don't like it. Some are quite zen and chill. Being an F does not mean you can have better emotional reactions that those who are T, just like being a T does not mean you can think better than an F. Those are short-sighted understanding of cognitive functions.

"F" doesn't mean that those males are a bag of salty tears. Being an F male does not also necessarily make you more sensitive.

It just means that their decision making process is given more weight to values attached to the decisions, versus, detached, logical interpretations leading to decisions, which would employ "T".

BooHooo! Yew hurted my feewins...

I am a "Bag of Salty Tears."


But I took them from all the whiny people in the world.

Cry me a river wusses.

 

[IZthe411]

NO!



Not really.



Some F males I know are actually quite hot-headed; they're rough, tough, quick to strike. Typical "macho" men. They do what they do, cuz they feel like it, and others can just fuck off if they don't like it. Some are quite zen and chill. Being an F does not mean you can have better emotional reactions that those who are T, just like being a T does not mean you can think better than an F. Those are short-sighted understanding of cognitive functions.

"F" doesn't mean that those males are a bag of salty tears. Being an F male does not also necessarily make you more sensitive.

It just means that their decision making process is given more weight to values attached to the decisions, versus, detached, logical interpretations leading to decisions, which would employ "T".

I'm thinking about 2 ENFJ guys I know. Stark contradictions- One guy's on the hotheaded side, ready to strike whenever they feel challenged. The other guy's more of the good natured, make the stranger feel welcome type. Neither is what you would consider feminine at all.

I have an ISFJ friend who will shed a tear at any tender moment. It's so funny- he is afraid to disappoint people, but in the role that we're in you can't always deliver- you did your part, it's out of our hands. If the person has a problem they can take it up with the powers that be. He loves talking tough tony but then get all nice and gentle with people when he faces them. Again, real sensitive but was a lady slayer when he was younger. Definitely not gay.

 

[KDude]

^Sounds a little strange to be defined by one characteristic. I've been both a little hotheaded, and a little sensitive. I've (unnecessarily) choked someone for repeatedly interrupting a conversation on purpose. I also cried at the end of Ghost.

 

[Venom]

I think this thread totally gets it wrong.

ESFPs and ISFPs tend to fit in fine with their ESTP friends (the idealized male apparently).

I think its once again a Se/Si vs Ne/Ni...notice how the SFPs in this thread dont think twice about being a male F, and yet the male NFs talk about it. Its probably only slightly better than being an NT.

 

[IZthe411]

^Sounds a little strange to be defined by one characteristic. I've been both a little hotheaded, and a little sensitive. I've (unnecessarily) choked someone for repeatedly interrupting a conversation on purpose. I also cried at the end of Ghost.

My point was to demonstrate the 2 sides of an F male.

In thinking about it, You can be masculine and still make judgements based on 'feelings'. I think a better word is values. If you value being able to make a point uninterrupted, someone butting in will strike a nerve within you. I guess it's a combo of Se/Fi.

 

[KDude]

I don't even know why I did it.. He was beligerent and I was having a one-to-one with someone else. Kept being obnoxious, and I felt like the only way to stop him was being dramatic.. I felt a lot of animosity inside, but the funny thing was,he was carrying a sixpack, and I had the awareness to gently take it out of his hand, set it on the table, and then proceed to choke him. So I controlled my animosity in a way.

Unfortunately, the whole thing wasn't as entertaining as I thought it'd be in the end.

 

[brainheart]

I think this thread totally gets it wrong.

ESFPs and ISFPs tend to fit in fine with their ESTP friends (the idealized male apparently).

I think its once again a Se/Si vs Ne/Ni...notice how the SFPs in this thread dont think twice about being a male F, and yet the male NFs talk about it. Its probably only slightly better than being an NT.

Not to butt into the man cave or anything, but I've noticed this as well. My ESFP husband has always been a 'dude's dude'. Most of his friends are males, and they go drink and skateboard, be men together, etc. Where he notices the difference with a goodly chunk of his friends (who knows whether they are T or F?) has to do with conflicting values/principles. The boys come first for them over romantic relationships, while for my husband it's all about the wife and kids, being an honorable/good person, etc. For example, he just found out a friend of his is cheating on his girlfriend- he was the last in the group to find out, by the way, which I doubt is coincidence- his friends know how he is- and he says he just can't look at him the same way, it's hard for him.

But he definitely behaves differently around them- he'll try to keep up the dude act, but then he gets drunk and blabs on and on about how awesome his wife is.

I love this thread, btw- I like the male club feel. And here I come and fuck it up... sorry...

 

[the state i am in]

So, I tend to "meta-think". Rather than thinking about the subject at hand, I end up thinking about my own thought processes regarding the subject, about the overall context, or about the relationship between me and the subject.

During meetings, I'll pay barely any mind to what's actually being said. I tend to focus on how people are interacting, how they're feeling/reacting to the subject, and so on. I pick up on the personal priorities of other people during a discussion. I tailor my speech explicitly to harmonize disparate approaches and look for points of agreement.

But I don't readily state my own opinions as often as others do.

I don't get into deep, personal conversations with many other guys. I do with women, though. I view lots of guys as being completely out of touch with the most important parts of reality.

I've discovered, accepted, and then completely embraced all of this over time. But I guess it took a while to figure all of this out.

i identify with this a lot. i see myself as a connector. i get the subtext as much as what is said, and i also have plenty of my own context to put everything into perspective. i won't listen to the letter most of the time because i'll be thinking and processing on a number of different levels. this kind of abstraction is why i think i can see how many different directions individuals in the group are going. i've noticed enfps are much better, however, at communicating with the entire group all at once (as are enfjs), whereas i really need to focus 1-1 to harmonize and shed light on other processes that are effecting the situation negatively. if in the lead, i need to be in a more facilitative role than an out and out solver, bc i'm not so great at imagining solutions as much as i am at identifying the problems and allowing the discourse itself to become more self-aware.

 

[ConstantlyImagining]

1)What is it like being an F male in your culture? Does the dominance of thinking preference in men affect your interactions with other males?

2)Do you feel very different/challenged by your preference?

3)What defines the F male compared to the T male?

4)How are Fi males and Fe males different/similar?

5)Did you have to peel back a culturally imposed layer of Tness to realise you are an F? Do you often test as a T?

Discuss.

There are going to be severe variances in people's answers but I will answer from my experiences and views

1) I am usually labelled as a wimp or a sissy. I have also been accused of being gay a lot.I do not readily interact with other people to start with, but whether or not depended on the individuals. I do not like sports, do not like cars, I loathe crass humour or any joke that involved someone else's pain, I do not listen to much of the same music - although these may not necessarily be due to my F, at least not alone.

I got into some serious clashes of perspectives at times with some teenage guys at times though. I believe in taking consideration other people's feelings a lot and always looking for a way to mitigate other people getting hurt,and they did not really care about if what they did would have hurt or did hurt another person or living thing.

I also do not agree with any " brotherhood" philosophy. I believe that we are members of humanity. I would never place a higher degree of "allegiance" to a male over a female because of gender alone.

2) Do I feel challenged? No. In fact I will go as far as saying I enjoy my preference. I believe my F preference helps me to care for others, to make them feel appreciated. I always am sure to offer my thanks for whatever people do for me. The very idea of not making those that I love and care about feel loved and appreciated; or the very idea of not caring about people and their well being and not taking people's feelings into consideration sounds really weird and even wrong to me.

I sometimes probably exert a bit too much patience to people at time though. When people offend me, I rarely tell them because I do not want them to criticise me further, or for them to feel really bad. I also feel guilty for the slightest thing and sometimes apologise superfluously. Also there are times when I may walk pass an acquaintance or friend and feel as though something is wrong with them, and want to help them. But sometimes I feel as though by asking them if something is wrong, I may make them feel exposed and thus ashamed, and thus I may make things worse. I feel really guilty at those times.I also get worried a lot about my loved one's well being. If one of my family members feel unwell I get really worried and the feeling does not subside until I know that everything is going to be okay. I also feel unappreciated at times and I am hurt very easily. I also find it difficult to be " hard" on someone as I do not want to them to feel hurt or that they are undervalued. But as I said I am fine being a F.

3. Well the functions do.

4.The effect produced by the functions may relate to the person's own's views. In this thread I have seen that people articulated that they believed that Fe males are more accepting of the role but I personally do not relate to that statement. I believe in being an individual and in being myself. I do not place any worth on gender roles, as I view them as oppressive to people's holistic development and rights to being an individual.

5. No I pretty much always test as INFJ or INFP. That being said I believe that I have well developed Ti