I am still learning about the functions and how they work.
So I am going to present 2 reactions a hypotheical situation
to see if I understand what function would be at play.
I am curious, so please bear with me and my ignorance.
The scenario is this.
You are stuck for a place to live, for whatever reason.
Your cousin with whom you are quite close and who has a sense of family duty, offers you to come stay at his place while you get back on your feet or are in a postion to get your own place.
He is married. His wife has obviously agreed to let you stay. However once you are there, it becomes apparent that having agreed or not, she is less than thrilled with your presense and she is not always able to hide his displeasure. This manifests itself in a number of ways, mostly in classic passive agressive behaviors. However since there was never any direct confrontation by either side, You are left to guess what might be bothering your cousin's partner.
However it bothers you enough that you leave.
You are very bitter about the whole situation. You place all the blame on her. You consider her spiteful and full of malice. You take everything really personally.. and even a year or so later still can't get over how she mistreated you. You have even come up with a pet nick name for her ( not endearing) whenever you talk about the subject .
As far as you know you never stepped out of line or behaved poorly, and this is probabaly true because you are a decent person.
You are just sure his wife had it in for you since day one.
This reaction is:
You are extremly uncomfortable and yeah she is being a bit of a bitch.
But you reason that maybe your cousin kind of forced the idea on her and she wasn't happy about it, but in the name of compromise with her partner, agreed. This does not excuse her poor manners ,but you understand.
You also reason that it is probabaly not personal (even if it is) because, your being there is upsetting the flow and dynamics of the household .That is what happens when new situations are introduced into estbalished routines sometimes.. Not everybody deals well with change or having someone they don't really know sharing such intimate space and moments that only occur in your home.
You might be bitter and pissed off.. But you do not hold it against the person nor take it personally. You also consider that although you behaved well, to best of your knowledge , you still might have crossed some line or broke some unwritten rule.
But you'll never know because you are too polite( Afraid of confrontation)?? to bring it up.
This reaction is:
If you have come this far.. Thank you..
Please feel free to educate me