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  1. #1
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    Default Ts and Fs and being offended

    This is just something which has emerged out of my own personal observation.... I have noticed that the Fs I know can be offended much more often than any of the Ts I know.... I actually don't think any T ever behaved in a way as if they were "offended" or held a grudge.... I know that this is a generalization, and I am not to say that the Ts I know are never hurt etc. by things I or other people do. It's rather my personal experience that they don't hold a grudge, and won't do things like emotional blackmail or so, which I know of quite a lot of Fs I know (this is not meant to offend the Fs, I am an F myself).....
    I'd just like to know if this is really so "easy" as it seem, I mean, do you think this could really be related to the F. vs. T difference? Do you have similar experiences?

  2. #2
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    I don't know if this is true or not. When I get offended, I may yell or just say that I'm offended right away. I may complain about the offending behavior for a short amount of time.
    But I don't hold grudges. I don't have a long enough attention span for that.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member edcoaching's Avatar
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    Not at our house. The ENTJ female is most easily offended, probably because she went through a school system where the female archetype is ESFJ (politeness even as you're stabbing someone in the back) and a ton of them went through Cotillion training, emphasizing the ability to wear a mask of kindness. So her early years of speaking the truth was detrimental and she's reallllllllly sensitive. And the ESTP doesn't always read sarcasm or joking properly and therefore gets hurt.

    Both F;s and T's can reach emotional maturity, which is really what it takes to avoid being offended. In my experience there's a bigger chance you'll hear from the E's when they're offended. And of course what we're offended by is different...challenge a T on their competence and you can get as big a reaction as if you challenge an F on adherence to their values...
    edcoaching

  4. #4
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    I would think that the Ts would get more offended, since their feeling sides are more immature and they wouldn't really understand people's motives as well.

  5. #5
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    To OP: you just cant put it up like that. Feeling in jungian terms are not emotions. Emotions that both thinkers and feelers have. How each person lets their emotional responses control them can be very different. Some thinking types react very emotionally to certain situations. Like for instance intps (which I think that fits my personality) they can in new situations they are not accustomed to be very emotional and even hold grudges. How long they keep that can vary ofcourse. While I know of isfjs that can initially get very hurt but eventually forget it, while other more unhealthy isfjs get very hurt and never forgets it.

    The interesting thing about mbti is that types with very different functions can basically come to the same conclusion/point/goal but do it in ways that are very different. The Fe reasons why one should not hold grudges might be very different from Ti's or even Fi's reasons, but its still the same end result, you dont hold grudges.

    And the same with being offended, most people will get that physical/emotional reaction of offense but how one reason after that split second, can be very different. The Fi user might seem more hurt than others, but that is because they internalize how to react how that goes against their valuesystem. Ti internalize aswell but put it up against how theyve been hurt before and if it warrants a reaction. Fe reacts because they've been hurt before so that is inappropiate. Te react according to how hurtful the comment is. (the last part is my own understanding of how each rational function will react)

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    Good post by slowriot.

    The gist is that anyone can be offended, but different people can be offended by different things, and T/F can contribute in part to how the offense is processed.

    (Anyone who think T's can't be offended, just insist on something being true and holding them accountable to an idea they think is dead wrong/stupid; and you'll see how quickly tempers flare. I know I tend to be more offended by someone saying something untrue about me vs mean about me.)
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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    The problem with approaching people with the assumption that F=offended, and T=not offended is that instead of identifying the actual functions they are using, it can be easy to encounter an offended person and then label them as an F after the fact.

    A sense of being offended has its roots in internal expectations about how another person should act. If there is a range of behaviors an individual considers off-limits or unacceptable whether this be stupidity, moral repugnance, impoliteness, up-tightness, mean, annoyingly happy or helpful, or whatever, it is the thwarted expectation that creates the offense. Both Ts and Fs express expectations about people and annoyances when people fall short of these.

    I think there is a tendency for different types to be offended by different sorts of behaviors and ideas. People who use empathy fully can be quite difficult to offend because they *get* why the person is acting out. The more you can glimpse the world from someone else's vantage point, the more you realize almost nothing is actually personal. All behaviors are based on cause and effect within that person's life. To quote Thich Nhat Hanh "This is like this because that is like that."

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    (Anyone who think T's can't be offended, just insist on something being true and holding them accountable to an idea they think is dead wrong/stupid; and you'll see how quickly tempers flare. I know I tend to be more offended by someone saying something untrue about me vs mean about me.)
    People tend to be good at targeting exactly what another person holds as most important. At work I have sometimes been torn to shreds by clients who have personal/mental issues. The way they target me is often discrediting me in a professional way. I notice that people regardless of intelligence level or other issues can be quite skilled at knowing exactly where a person's places their best energies and uses that as the avenue to discredit. People are skilled at offending. Every time I look deeper into the situation, it becomes clear that the attack is more an outpouring of their own stress and emotional states than anything related to me. People often approach one another as a blank canvass upon which they paint their current emotional state by distorting their perception of you to make their negative internal world seem coherent. Responding to offense by quietly observing can offer a great deal of understanding about what it is like to be another person.
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  8. #8
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    They both can become offended and hold grudges, but it can over different things and be handled differently. I may hold the same grudge as my INTJ friend, but it is more apparent that i have a grudge than if she does. I chalk it up to compartmentalization and different motivations for issues.
    Here's a good example of how types can deal with conflict that can roughly relate, courtesy of BlackCat and bestfittype.
    How INTJs Deal with Conflict
    When interpersonal conflict occurs, they will usually withdraw or move on. They want discussions to be calm and reasoned, and highly charged interactions often leave them feeling in complete doubt about whats happening. Relationships with even occasional improvement will be continued, but if they see no progress they will give up, learn from the experience, and move on. When a conflict of vision occurs, they can be stubborn about their own point of view and forge ahead.
    How ENFJs Deal with Conflict
    When conflict occurs within the team, they will want to talk about the problems and heal the conflict before going on. When there is too much conflict and ongoing disharmony, they have a tendency to withdraw. They hate when people are demeaned or mistreated and will stand up for someone who is.
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