Baffled by Fi

[Little Linguist]

I don't know about you, but I am positively baffled by Fi. When people tell me to "go inside myself and see what I want and need and feel and believe and blah blah blah," I just scratch my head and wonder what the hell that means.

Of course, I wouldn't say that I have no values or principles! I have very strong values and principles. I just find it hard to go 'inside myself' to see what 'I want' if it is not an 'instilled principle.'

Can anyone else relate? How did you overcome it?

 

[disregard]

It's much more simple.

Fi is one's inner sense of right and wrong.

 

[Little Linguist]

Forgive my silly comment, but doesn't everyone have that?

When I ask people about my type, people tell me to use Fi and go inside myself to 'find the answer.' Well, damn, I find it hard to go in myself to find any answer. Or maybe I just don't realize it.

 

[disregard]

Yes, everyone has that. Everyone uses Fi.

 

[Amargith]

The 'going inside' is more of a self-reflection function of Fi. It means that you ask yourself about your own reactions, your own morals, how that all resonates and connects together, and how the situation you're in really affects you and how you can change your own responses to deal with it better. You can also go inside and just shut up your brain and 'feel'. If you don't know what to do, let the situation go through your head and be aware of what emotions it provokes. Then think of possible ways to handle it and imagine implementing each one seperately, and what the consequences would be, and once again...observe how you 'feel', how you respond to those consequences. That way, you can find your way in the maze that is life

 

[Little Linguist]

I guess what I mean is as follows:

My husband is a rock-solid foundation that can withstand any storm with his strong values (Fi) and principles (Ti) to the point where he doesn't really give a rat's ass one way or another how anyone thinks. (Okay, that's exaggerating...somewhat).

In contrast, I need a stable, supportive environment to hold strong values. If the external environment is not favorable, I start mirroring my environment, and I HATE that tendency inside myself.

Perfect example: At work, if I am in an environment that appreciates my contribution and really challenges me and gives me ways to grow, I'm the happiest lark that ever was, brimming over with ideas, exuding happiness for everyone.

However, if I am in a negative environment, I mirror my that environment.

Sometimes I become pedantic, moody, grumpy, overly judgmental and sarcastic, agitated, dogmatic, overly organized to cover my ass in case someone wants to blame me for something, and well, you get the picture.

Other times, I forget my values and start reflecting those around me, until reality kicks in and I say, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??????" At which point I high-tail it out of there before I COMPLETELY lose myself.

My husband doesn't give a rat's ass if his environment is good or bad: He's always stable and running along, tilting back inside to provide stability if there's a tsunami outside. I wish I could do that.

 

[disregard]

Perhaps it is underdeveloped Fe

 

[Amargith]

THat's coz you miss a baseline. You're still building up your Fi-world as it were so you're not sure about things yet. I found that I had the same problem till i came to the forum here. Seeing how others respond and what is important to them and how the different types interact with each other, made me realize what is important to me and how far I should indulge others in their wishes, made me gain a balance. It does require a lot of self-questionning and introspecting though. Asking yourself..why does he respond to her that way and how would I have responded in his or her stead? How is that different? Is it typical for the type or is it an individual thing coming from their background?

It's quite fun to do so

 

[Little Linguist]

Hmm, could be.

See, when I feel insecure, I want to make everyone ELSE happy because I think somehow that will bring ME happiness and security/stability. At the end of the day, if someone asks me, "What do YOU want?" or "How do YOU feel?" I just think, "Uhhh, uhhh, uh, well, um, yeah, I really, well, damn, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. YOU CHOOSE!" lol Awful. I don't do it AS MUCH anymore, but I used to be REALLY BAD at that.

Even worse, at work (if I feel uncomfy) I'll be 'everyone's darling' trying to do everything right for everyone until I'm so worn out that I just wanna.....GARHHHHHHHHHH. I'll wear myself out working like a dog. And THEN if I DON'T get feedback, that'll drive me crazy because I'll assume negative feedback is no feedback, and I'll do even MORE STUFF. Ugh. Someone slap me. And then I'll get even more organized and even more pedantic and even more anal-retentive.

Thank God I'm finally doing work I feel comfy at. Whew. A lot less stress on my part, let me tell you. Now I can let the creative juices flow. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

[Amargith]

Sounds familiar
Just remember that you cannot be responsible for everyones happiness. Sure, you can make it easier for them to forget their gloomy mood, but analyze where their 'unhappiness' comes from and realize that it's sometimes out of your control. For that matter...people are allowed to have a moment of non-happiness. And you're not their emotional babysitter. That means that they themselves, as clumsy as they are at it, need to learn how to deal with negative emotions. Sure, if you can assist, feel free to, but don't consider it a failure when you're not able to. It is still their own task, not yours.

You'll find that just that realization will give you some breathing space and distance, and will allow you not to be flooded by others emotions constantly, leaving room for your own

 

[SolitaryWalker]

I don't know about you, but I am positively baffled by Fi. When people tell me to "go inside myself and see what I want and need and feel and believe and blah blah blah," I just scratch my head and wonder what the hell that means.

Of course, I wouldn't say that I have no values or principles! I have very strong values and principles. I just find it hard to go 'inside myself' to see what 'I want' if it is not an 'instilled principle.'

Can anyone else relate? How did you overcome it?

Forgive my silly comment, but doesn't everyone have that?

When I ask people about my type, people tell me to use Fi and go inside myself to 'find the answer.' Well, damn, I find it hard to go in myself to find any answer. Or maybe I just don't realize it.

It's much more simple.

Fi is one's inner sense of right and wrong.

Yes, everyone has that. Everyone uses Fi.

Quit the folk-typological interpretations of Fi. Fi is merely a cognitive tendency to become in tune with one's ego or a sense of what feels pleasant or unpleasant in response to the inner content of the mind rather than what is observed in the external world.

LL, what you are baffled by is people who advise you to make decisions on the basis of your private, often vague and amorphous feelings rather than something that is clear and coherent. This is not the same thing as 'Fi', people are perfectly capable of clouding their minds with muddle and mystery without relying on Fi exclusively.

 

[Little Linguist]

I want to know where the hell this annoying tendency of mine comes from: When someone is grumpy, I automatically assume I am the problem. If someone's angry at work, I assume I didn't work right. If someone is angry at me and a friend of mine, I'll over-analyze everything I have said, might have said, how they might have possibly interpreted it, how I might have come across, and then analyze how that may be responsible for how they are feeling.

DAMN IT.

And the worst part is: When I get like that (which thankfully is not all that often) I'll run around in circles, but be too worried to say anything, and then it balls up inside me like RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR. But since I don't want other people to know that I feel like that, I'll keep it to myself, even though it probably does not exist, and ....

Damn it.

 

[disregard]

Insecurity.

 

[Little Linguist]

Quit the folk-typological interpretations of Fi. Fi is merely a cognitive tendency to become in tune with one's ego or a sense of what feels pleasant or unpleasant in response to the inner content of the mind rather than what is observed in the external world.

LL, what you are baffled by is people who advise you to make decisions on the basis of your private, often vague and amorphous feelings rather than something that is clear and coherent. This is not the same thing as 'Fi', people are perfectly capable of clouding their minds with muddle and mystery without relying on Fi exclusively.

So what does this mean exactly?

You could be right about the folk-typology.

Still, I find it difficult in certain situations to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,' as I tend to take on other people's stuff as my own, which is not so good. And I would like to learn how to avoid doing that.

 

[Little Linguist]

Insecurity.

Well, gee, I kind of knew that. I only feel that way when I am insecure. When I am in a secure place and position in life, I don't feel that way.

The question is: How can I avoid that pitfall in situations where I am NOT comfy, as there will inevitably be certain situations like that in my life.

 

[Amargith]

I want to know where the hell this annoying tendency of mine comes from: When someone is grumpy, I automatically assume I am the problem. If someone's angry at work, I assume I didn't work right. If someone is angry at me and a friend of mine, I'll over-analyze everything I have said, might have said, how they might have possibly interpreted it, how I might have come across, and then analyze how that may be responsible for how they are feeling.

DAMN IT.

And the worst part is: When I get like that (which thankfully is not all that often) I'll run around in circles, but be too worried to say anything, and then it balls up inside me like RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR. But since I don't want other people to know that I feel like that, I'll keep it to myself, even though it probably does not exist, and ....

Damn it.

LL, really, look around on this forum and see what type has what hang ups. It's not an infallible system, but it helps to recognize those things irl as well, and helps you identify why people are pissy and stops you assuming that it is in fact your fault. Same thing, you can see which types piss each other off what way, which in turn allows you to figure out how you are likely to piss off others, once more being able to recognize those reactions irl. You'll learn what's important to people, what pushes their buttons and you'll realize that everyone is different and has different buttons. And it's not because they get their panties in a bunch that they are in fact right on the issue at hand. It just means that this particular issue pushes their buttons, or for that matter, that they're in a pissy mood coz they didn't get some at home. It'll give you a lot more peace and quiet and trust me, you'll suddenly have a ton more energy available to yourself, instead of putting it into worrying and stabilizing your own emotions all the time.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

So what does this mean exactly?

You could be right about the folk-typology.

Still, I find it difficult in certain situations to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,' as I tend to take on other people's stuff as my own, which is not so good. And I would like to learn how to avoid doing that.

It means that you're asking the wrong question. Your problem is not with Fi but with people who ask you to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,'.

This problem is too broad to be investigated from a typological perspective. There are many reasons why people want others to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,'. Most of them depend on empirical factors such as the social circumstances and their idiosyncratic personality qualities. We can't know what those factors are without studying each instance on a case by case basis: this requires an empirical investigation of each case rather than typological apriori reasoning.

 

[Little Linguist]

LL, really, look around on this forum and see what type has what hang ups. It's not an infallible system, but it helps to recognize those things irl as well, and helps you identify why people are pissy and stops you assuming that it is in fact your fault. Same thing, you can see which types piss each other off what way, which in turn allows you to figure out how you are likely to piss off others, once more being able to recognize those reactions irl. You'll learn what's important to people, what pushes their buttons and you'll realize that everyone is different and has different buttons. And it's not because they get their panties in a bunch that they are in fact right on the issue at hand. It just means that this particular issue pushes their buttons, or for that matter, that they're in a pissy mood coz they didn't get some at home. It'll give you a lot more peace and quiet and trust me, you'll suddenly have a ton more energy available to yourself, instead of putting it into worrying and stabilizing your own emotions all the time.

Hmm. Good point. Thanks for that - one of the big reasons why I'm interested in MBTI at all - understanding others and myself. Maybe it will help me over time if I persist and learn enough.

 

[Little Linguist]

It means that you're asking the wrong question. Your problem is not with Fi but with people who ask you to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,'.

This problem is too broad to be investigated from a typological perspective. There are many reasons why people want others to be 'in tune with a sense of what feels pleasant,'. Most of them depend on empirical factors such as the social circumstances and their idiosyncratic personality qualities. We can't know what those factors are without studying each instance on a case by case basis: this requires an empirical investigation of each case rather than typological apriori reasoning.

Okay. Very well.

 

[Seymour]

I want to know where the hell this annoying tendency of mine comes from: When someone is grumpy, I automatically assume I am the problem. If someone's angry at work, I assume I didn't work right. If someone is angry at me and a friend of mine, I'll over-analyze everything I have said, might have said, how they might have possibly interpreted it, how I might have come across, and then analyze how that may be responsible for how they are feeling.

DAMN IT.

And the worst part is: When I get like that (which thankfully is not all that often) I'll run around in circles, but be too worried to say anything, and then it balls up inside me like RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR. But since I don't want other people to know that I feel like that, I'll keep it to myself, even though it probably does not exist, and ....

Damn it.

I think that's a natural response. The Feeling function in general is about achieving emotional/value harmony between different elements, oneself and others. Fe focuses more on group harmony, and Fi more on internal harmony.

When something is badly out of harmony, it's like having grit in the eye to a Feeling user. It's hard not to want to fix it, whatever it is. I think it takes maturity for Fi-doms to realize they aren't responsible for the feelings of others, and to realize that someone can be yelling in your direction/vicinity without yelling at you.

I still find it difficult to be around upset people and keep my equanimity. While I now know not to feel responsible, having to consciously shut out the upset is draining and eventually gives me a headache. I find going elsewhere is a perfectly reasonable coping technique, unless there's a good reason to stay.