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  1. #31
    Pumpernickel
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    IME, INFPs are the ones least likely to forgive someone when hurt.

  2. #32
    Member Aphex's Avatar
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    I'm an INFJ, and I never hold grudges. Ever. I find it ridiculous that you (or whoever wrote the study) would say that we do...

    My (suspected) ISTP brother, however, is a heavy grudge holder. Hm.

  3. #33
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    It's hard to say, because it depends on what you mean by grudge.

    Say I get into a heated argument with a family member - I typically forgive them fairly soon and leave the past behind me. We have an unconditional sort of love - I know this, I see that we'll be well again in the future (and probably argue again even) and knowing this, decide it's much better to minimize the time being bitter. Then I'm good again.

    At the same time, if somebody I don't hold particular loyalty to pisses me off, I kind of simply end things with them and quickly forget they exist. Same with romantic relationships - I keep the past firmly behind me.

    So I either forget and get along (I make a note to apologise but not forgive) or I simply forget. Terrible as it may be, I will sometimes pretend I have a grudge if it's a potential bargaining chip in the future.

  4. #34
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aphex View Post
    I'm an INFJ, and I never hold grudges. Ever. I find it ridiculous that you (or whoever wrote the study) would say that we do...

    My (suspected) ISTP brother, however, is a heavy grudge holder. Hm.
    If the wrongdoing is serious enough, I will deeeeefinitely hold a grudge. I'm not confrontational, so I don't act on the grudge, other than to avoid the person who has irredeemably pissed me off. And it's very rare for me to need to form a grudge (it's happened maybe once in the last five years) because I'm pretty laidback in social settings (not that I'm a laidback person, as an INFJ I can't pretend to be that, but I am laidback in the sense that I'm accepting and affirming and nonjudgmental in my interactions with others). I seem to get along easily with a wide variety of people. It's also hard to really offend me; I've never been one to get bent out of shape over a social faux paus or a minor conflict. It may bother me on some level, but I'm able to brush it aside because I still think the other person is good and well-meaning overall. But once someone crosses a certain line with me (e.g., backstabbing, manipulation, etc.) they are pretty much dead to me. If I have to be at the same place they are, I'll pretend not to see them and completely ignore any of their attempts at eye contact, small talk, etc. I can do the small talk thing with people I don't know or people who I mildly dislike, but when something's happened that's serious enough to merit a grudge I just feel there's no point in even pretending. They get the good old INFJ door slam... So yeah, the aforementioned study doesn't surprise me at all.

  5. #35
    Member Eowyn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    On the other hand, my ESFP kid gets REALLY angry sometimes in the moment and does very hurtful things but after the event is over and done with, he totally is fine and doesn't seem to hold a grudge at all. He lives in the moment.
    I'm an ESfP, and I don't generally hold grudges. I can be utterly incensed in the moment, but once the feelings are over, I'm good to go. Additionally, it's very, very hard to destroy my loyalty and friendship, but once it's gone, it's completely over, and I won't try again.


    My INTJ husband? He's a completely different story. The man can hold a grudge like no one else. The Grudgery is impressive in its sheer Grudginess.
    "Every well-bred petty crook knows -- the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting."
    -Inara Serra

  6. #36
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    Least likely prolly the FPs and most maybe the TPs? I just know that it's impossible for me to not forgive someone.

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