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  1. #121
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    I have a couple of questions for you all, as my 13 year old son is unfortunately the victim of bullying right now. He's a shy boy (ISXX), and it's like pulling teeth to get him to open up about the situation, but he's told me enough about some things that have been said to him to have me pretty concerned about it. My husband and I are still in the process of trying to assess the situation before deciding what to do, if anything. All I know at this point is that the comments that the bullies have made are far worse than anything anyone has ever said to me in my life! Breaks my heart! (of course it does, I'm ENFJ)

    My questions are:

    Bully victims - "What are some things that could have been said to by parents/friends/teachers/etc. that would have helped it sting a little less?"

    Bulliers - "What are some things that your victims could have said to you which would have made you back down?"

    I know there are probably no magic answers here, but seems to be a perfect forum to at least ask! Thanks!

  2. #122
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    I was an INTP victim. Then I applied my logical side, attached a few combination locks to a piece of rope, and solved the problem. Before you judge, he lived. He didn't even have to go to the hospital. I just helped him to understand that I considered repeated bullying unacceptable, and that I was a goal orientated person.

  3. #123
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    P.S - This only worked in my case because the bully understood that retaliation would be very unwise. I am not aggressive ( this action was a result of many months of almost daily bullying.) I explained (after he was pretty much incapable of doing much) that I didn't want any further confrontation, and if he left me alone I would not be a factor in his life. A few years later in high school, I actually helped him in a class we shared.

  4. #124
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by momof3 View Post
    I have a couple of questions for you all, as my 13 year old son is unfortunately the victim of bullying right now. He's a shy boy (ISXX), and it's like pulling teeth to get him to open up about the situation, but he's told me enough about some things that have been said to him to have me pretty concerned about it. My husband and I are still in the process of trying to assess the situation before deciding what to do, if anything. All I know at this point is that the comments that the bullies have made are far worse than anything anyone has ever said to me in my life! Breaks my heart! (of course it does, I'm ENFJ)

    My questions are:

    Bully victims - "What are some things that could have been said to by parents/friends/teachers/etc. that would have helped it sting a little less?"

    Bulliers - "What are some things that your victims could have said to you which would have made you back down?"

    I know there are probably no magic answers here, but seems to be a perfect forum to at least ask! Thanks!


    I understand where you are coming from as my son (now 15) was bullied in both primary and secondary school .. I've tried it from both angles .. I've contacted the school and nothing changed, kid just scared my son by saying they'd get him out of school .. I've left it alone hoping the situation would change .. I've even contacted the police and was willing to press charges as the marks around my son's neck was horrendous .. My son now thank god is built quite stocky so no-one messes with him .. But it has dented his confidence .. My other son is quite sensitive and he last year got his nose broken by some bully .. Again contacted the police. I've begged them to move school but neither will as they have a few friends.

    I think what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other .. My mum didn't know i was throwing pencils at some girls head at school (ie being a bully) .. Maybe a good suggestion would be talking to your child, asking if they would be happy to have a meeting at the school where all the parents can attend and talk it through .. Chances are the kids mum and dad don't have a clue as to their childs behaviour ..

    It is heart breaking though .. At it's worst i was having a moral debate with myself as to if i could pay some older kid £20 to give the bully a good slap .. But i know that's not the answer.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #125
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    ENFPs don't bully or get bully because they are always high.

  6. #126
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    ISTJ for victim >_>

    *cough* Personal experience. And that shit doesn't end at highschool.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  7. #127
    Member amazingdatagirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by momof3 View Post
    I know there are probably no magic answers here
    Difficult situation. While part of me agrees with saltmineworker, the reality of "zero tolerance" policies in U.S. public schools makes this type of retribution extremely risky. As a high school teacher, I was a tutor to a student who attempted retaliation after merciless teasing. It ended badly.

    If relocating is not an option, at least find ways to boost your son's self-esteem. Even if he is not a super athlete, he may enjoy being part of a sports team. There are other organizations in your community that provide opportunities for young people to develop new skills and make new friendships.

    Even if the bullying continues, it will be easier to tolerate if your son has friends and interests outside of school.

  8. #128
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Maybe a good suggestion would be talking to your child, asking if they would be happy to have a meeting at the school where all the parents can attend and talk it through .. Chances are the kids mum and dad don't have a clue as to their childs behaviour ..
    The problem with that, is that most parents have that "My child would never do that" mentality. If you try to tell them their child is a bully, the parents will get defensive and call your son a liar most of the time.

    Unless you get a school official or someone unrelated to your family to back you up and report that they saw their child engaging in bullying behavior... Even that may not work for some bullheaded parents.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  9. #129
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    I was bullied(maybe) but I also bullied. My male INFP friends bullied, which threw me off guard, but I guess they had heavy TeNe. I think its easier to bully than to discontinue self from being bullied. Using this logic, one can derive stuff that they can derive more stuff from.

  10. #130
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    I bully ants.

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