Is it me, or is it an EP thing?!?

[SillySapienne]

`
I'm 27, and, in many ways, refuse to "grow up".

And by "grow up" I mean, settle down into an occupation, an academic field, or, I dunno, do such stifling things as my taxes. :/

I'm a perpetual child, and I CAN'T STAND doing things that I do not LOVE!!!!

At this point, I have accumulated over 140 credits but have yet to get my B.A.

I need to feel INSPIRED in order to really do anything, seriously, I do.

Yeah, and I am indolent, too.

le sigh...

Why can't I focus on ONE THING, why must I constantly get side-tracked and distracted!?!?!?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I "GROW UP"

And, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

But, I think... somehow, someway, I need to become more responsible.

But how?!?!?

I just want to be happy, pursue things I love, and, in a small way, make the world a better place.

I want to continue to explore and learn and absorb new things, and live life to the fullest, but alas, that dreaded reality-factor comes in.

Having to pay bills and shit.

It's all about the path, right?

The journey, the process...

But, am I aimless?!?!?

Doomed to go nowhere?!!?

I do not have a set destination.

I just know what feels right, when it feels right.

Who can relate?!?!

Can you relate??!?

I think I may need help.

Do I need help!??!

Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

With love and respect,

-SS

 

[demimondaine]

^ yes. i haven't ruled out EP for myself, but some of that could be plain P?
i'm allergic to things i don't like doing, am a major quitter a lot of the time, and have scattered my B.A. credits to the four winds..

.. kindred?

 

[Nescio]

I shall never grow up: make believe is much too fun

Song lyrics that totally describe how I feel.

 

[yenom]

I have the same problem except for the grow up part, mainly because I am more mature beyond my years.

I just want to learn everything and experience everything.

Do you write down your goals in a book and try to make some effort in reaching them?

 

[Robert165]

i think you should at least finish college and get a degree
goof off or have fun all you want after that
you'll have a degree ready when you decide to get serious

 

[Jaguar]

Imagine tonight was your last night to live.
Would you be happy with what you have done with your life?

 

[Blackmail!]

Imagine tonight was your last night to live.
Would you be happy with what you have done with your life?

Don't be cruel, will you?

 

[Jaguar]

Don't be cruel, will you?

Where the hell did you get the idea I was being cruel?
You owe me an apology, pal.

I'm trying to help a friend.

 

[SillySapienne]

I don't know.

It's so day to day, mood dependent.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, a fallen angel, a fuck up to the umpteenth degree, and, other times, I feel as though I've been living my life as authentic and real as can possibly be.

I have seized many days.

But, what have I *done*?

What have I accomplished?

Not much.

Perhaps, I am a master of mediocrity.

A sorceress of solitude.

A nobody.

A somebody.

Another human being trying to fight the fight, live the *right* life, I dunno.

I just feel as though I'm disappointing some people who love me, who think I'm not reaching my potential.

Harumph!

I do not know.

:/

 

[SillySapienne]

^ yes. i haven't ruled out EP for myself, but some of that could be plain P?
i'm allergic to things i don't like doing, am a major quitter a lot of the time, and have scattered my B.A. credits to the four winds..

.. kindred?

Yeah, I do think it's kinda a P thing.

I score in the 80% range regarding my P-ness, so yeah, who knew being so well endowed could be so problematic.

And, yes, you are a kindred. (Your avvy speaks to me)

I shall never grow up: make believe is much too fun

It is, it is, but what about paying bills!?!??

Reading and writing and playing and daydreaming doesn't exactly pay for dental and healthcare.

I have the same problem except for the grow up part, mainly because I am more mature beyond my years.

I just want to learn everything and experience everything.

Do you write down your goals in a book and try to make some effort in reaching them?

What's ironic, is that, I too, am very mature, in some ways.

I have been told many times since I was a child that I was an old soul.

Paradoxically, I feel so young and old at the same time. :/

Do you write down your goals in a book and try to make some effort in reaching them?

No, my goals are kind of broad, esoteric, metaphysical and vague, I have them written in my blog, will go check and post, though.

i think you should at least finish college and get a degree
goof off or have fun all you want after that
you'll have a degree ready when you decide to get serious

Ugh, there's the rub!!!!

I am an autodidact, I love to learn for the sake of learning, not for the sake of getting a degree, or some other bullshit like that.

And get serious about what!?!?

I think you're on to something, but...

DNC!!!

Imagine tonight was your last night to live.
Would you be happy with what you have done with your life?

Read post #9, that was directed towards your question.

Don't be cruel, will you?

Blackmail, mon cherie!!!



I don't think he was being cruel.

I am glad to see you back on the boards, I've missed you!!!

Where the hell did you get the idea I was being cruel?
You owe me an apology, pal.

I'm trying to help a friend.

That you are.

 

[Robert165]

you're not always going to be 27
you'll need that degree when you get older
so pick the topic you like best
and get that degree.....

 

[Kra]

Sometimes it takes a long time to realize what your path is. Don't lose heart just over that. You'll know what it is when it's revealed.

I'm still looking myself. It took me 4 years to qualify for just my AA (worked full-time and switched majors a couple of times, needed different prereqs), and I'm still not 100% sure. So don't feel bad.

 

[SillySapienne]

An impromptu list of what I want to live my life for:


I've been trying to figure that out since 12
I keep figuring it out, then forgetting about it
I want to live a peaceful life
I want to read and write
I want to walk to work, and home
I want to own very little
I want to help people
be a mentor for others like me
be an exception that gives others reason and hope to live
be the opposite of most human wastes of space
I want to care
I want to show people that I care
about them
about what really matters
I want to laugh
and play
I want to love deeply
I want to help the exceptional few from the harmful idiocy of the masses
I want to encourage independent thought
I want to be a mother
I want to raise a child
I want to make people feel good
feel like someone cares
someone is actually listening
with no gimmicks to sell
I want to encourage people to become their dreams
(mind you this is strictly in regards to the good and the gifted)
I dunno, thats it

Found it!

 

[SillySapienne]

you're not always going to be 27
you'll need that degree when you get older

Why?

Sometimes it takes a long time to realize what your path is. Don't lose heart just over that. You'll know what it is when it's revealed.

I'm still looking myself. It took me 4 years to qualify for just my AA (worked full-time and switched majors a couple of times, needed different prereqs), and I'm still not 100% sure. So don't feel bad.

Was a math major, then a liberal studies major, then a bio major, and am currently a psych major.

I just want to take classes, I WANT to take.

Ugh, I'm a brat, I think.

Or a rebel.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

`
I'm 27, and, in many ways, refuse to "grow up".

And by "grow up" I mean, settle down into an occupation, an academic field, or, I dunno, do such stifling things as my taxes. :/

I'm a perpetual child, and I CAN'T STAND doing things that I do not LOVE!!!!

At this point, I have accumulated over 140 credits but have yet to get my B.A.

I need to feel INSPIRED in order to really do anything, seriously, I do.

Yeah, and I am indolent, too.

le sigh...

Why can't I focus on ONE THING, why must I constantly get side-tracked and distracted!?!?!?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I "GROW UP"

And, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

But, I think... somehow, someway, I need to become more responsible.

But how?!?!?

I just want to be happy, pursue things I love, and, in a small way, make the world a better place.

I want to continue to explore and learn and absorb new things, and live life to the fullest, but alas, that dreaded reality-factor comes in.

Having to pay bills and shit.

It's all about the path, right?

The journey, the process...

But, am I aimless?!?!?

Doomed to go nowhere?!!?

I do not have a set destination.

I just know what feels right, when it feels right.

Who can relate?!?!

Can you relate??!?

I think I may need help.

Do I need help!??!

Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

With love and respect,

-SS

That's pretty typical of ENFPs. Not terribly typical of EPs in general. I remember, long ago, talking to a very beautiful/smart ENFP woman who actually looks a lot like you in college way back in the early/mid nineties...And she was taking a colossal course load, something like 1.75 x the normal one (this at a really good school), and she was involved in extracurriculars, and she was trying to have a social life, and she was...quickly going insane. As someone famously said of INFP Bob Dylan during his amphetamine mid-sixties heyday, she wasn't burning the candle at both ends, she was taking a blowtorch to the middle...

And I--knowing she was an ENFP--sat with her and tried ever so gently to explain that while I understood that her motives were beautiful--she wanted not to miss a thing, she wanted to truly cliche alert "live life to its fullest" and please may I never see that on a dating site ever again if she didn't use her Fi to prioritize her Ne (I didn't use quite those words) she'd end up exhausted, sick, bitter and hating all she was doing.

And she seemed to listen and agree with me...

and then she asked me out, sort of, and I said no, because I was a frigging moron...

 

[kyuuei]

I can relate. I was 17, without purpose, without worry, persuing art, writing, and any other stupid idea that came to my head. I thought, oh I'll be a hat maker this week. Or next week, maybe I could draw.

I think the major driver that made me choose rigid, solid plans for life was the fact that I was the oldest, and thus relied on the most amongst my siblings and parents. Even now, I want to fall back into a life the way you live it, and watch it from within my little box.

 

[Kasper]

Yup, totally get it.

I find if I live in the same place for more than 2-3 years I can't stand it, if I stay in the same job/position for more than 3 years I can't stand it. I need things to change and be new in order to feel inspired.

I don't know a J that understands it, or a P that doesn't know where I'm coming from.

Meanwhile, get other people to do the things you don't like doing, like organising your bills and doing your tax. The responsible thing to do is to make sure it happens, there's no rule that says you have to do them!

 

[Biaxident]

I don't know.

It's so day to day, mood dependent.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, a fallen angel, a fuck up to the umpteenth degree, and, other times, I feel as though I've been living my life as authentic and real as can possibly be.

I have seized many days.

But, what have I *done*?

What have I accomplished?

Not much.

Perhaps, I am a master of mediocrity.

A sorceress of solitude.

A nobody.

A somebody.

Another human being trying to fight the fight, live the *right* life, I dunno.

I just feel as though I'm disappointing some people who love me, who think I'm not reaching my potential.

Harumph!

I do not know.

:/

Hell babe...Are you quoting my biography?

 

[Jaguar]

Sometimes I feel like a failure, a fallen angel, a fuck up to the umpteenth degree, and, other times, I feel as though I've been living my life as authentic and real as can possibly be.

I will tell you about a conversation I had with my Dad.
My Dad asked me the very same question I asked you.
He said he could die tomorrow, with no regrets. Happy.
I told him I envied him, because I could not do the same.

There is a divine discontent that lives within some of us.
No matter what we do, we still want to do more.
To envision things that other people cannot is a blessing and a curse.
It demands more of us as human beings.
We cannot settle. We are restless.

But does that make you a failure, or fallen angel?
My dear, I don't think you will hit your stride for several years.
But in the meantime I want you to focus on a word.

Passion.

When you know what you are passionate about, things will begin to make sense to you.
It will push you, and you will have no choice but to do something about it.
Until then, do not be so hard on yourself.

Even fallen angels can rebuild their wings, and fly once again.

 

[SillySapienne]

That's pretty typical of ENFPs. Not terribly typical of EPs in general. I remember, long ago, talking to a very beautiful/smart ENFP woman who actually looks a lot like you in college way back in the early/mid nineties...And she was taking a colossal course load, something like 1.75 x the normal one (this at a really good school), and she was involved in extracurriculars, and she was trying to have a social life, and she was...quickly going insane. As someone famously said of INFP Bob Dylan during his amphetamine mid-sixties heyday, she wasn't burning the candle at both ends, she was taking a blowtorch to the middle...

And I--knowing she was an ENFP--sat with her and tried ever so gently to explain that while I understood that her motives were beautiful--she wanted not to miss a thing, she wanted to truly cliche alert "live life to its fullest" and please may I never see that on a dating site ever again if she didn't use her Fi to prioritize her Ne (I didn't use quite those words) she'd end up exhausted, sick, bitter and hating all she was doing.

And she seemed to listen and agree with me...

and then she asked me out, sort of, and I said no, because I was a frigging moron...

Don't make fun of me, but I watched Avatar the other night, and I felt shaken, like I wasn't following the right path.

Like I've been neglecting my Fi-ometer.

I just need to feel *right*.

And, I guess, right now, I don't feel *right*.

Am I lost?!!?

I don't know, but I think I have lost sight of my truest self, and what I'm meant to be doing.

I'm still processing a lot of pain, and overcoming a victim complex.

(I was severely abused by my asshole, (deceased) father).

But, I can't let the ugliness he expelled upon me to take over me, and hold me down, down, down.

I can't let him win.

I'm a good person, just a little aimless at the moment.

I just want some poetry, love and some good conversation.

I dunno.

I'm an underachieving perfectionist.

Sorry, this thread is so self-indulgent.

Please, anybody, gripe away, too.

T'will help me to feel a bit less pathetic.