Is it me, or is it an EP thing?!?

[FDG]

Yeah well of course there are things more important and inspiring than having degrees just for work and career opportunities. I can't really understand how people get motivated by that type of stuff. So far, my main motivation towards actually *finishing* something, is that finishing can open up even more opportunities (I'm not speaking about work or career, of course), like completing an mountain climbing course allowed me to climb, completing a B.S. allowed me to study a masters I really liked (much more than the bachelor), so on

 

[Matthew_Z]

At OP:

Seems more like a human thing in my observations.

 

[Metamorphosis]

Careers and degrees aren't real measures of success. I would have been more secure right now if I had learned how to weld instead of going to college, but that's the kind of sacrifices you make. You just have to remember what you want out of life. Paying taxes and things like that are necessities, and as such, you'll learn them when and if you need to. I think there are many people out there who wish they were less grown-up, like you.

Also, I only read the OP so this may have repeated some stuff.

 

[matilda]

it may be an Ne + Fi thing. there's nothing wrong with being in it for the process > result. it's a preference, isn't it? it's just that some people have this straight single path, some people don't.

1) "There are too many ideas and things and people – too many directions to go. I was starting to believe the reason it matters to care passionately about something is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size." (adaptation)

or

2) there's nothing to figure out, really. as long as you're living (basic needs are met etc) and happy, why whittle down when you can have it all?


or

3) this is a bunch of horse shit + i need some growing up to do lol

 

[sculpting]

Having a kid at 18 forced me to commit and stick to a long term plan. Otherwise I would have played far more and taken time to enjoy exploring all the aspects of life.

Have fun!

 

[Wonkavision]

There is a struggle between wanting to give myself to people I love, and wanting to maintain an independent self, nameen!?!?

Yeah, this is one of the central struggles I have always faced, and still face.

It's the classic Seeker/Lover dilemma.

 

[Halla74]

Yeah, this is one of the central struggles I have always faced, and still face.

It's the classic Seeker/Lover dilemma.

You can have both, love others while you seek yourself.

 

[Wonkavision]

You can have both, love others while you seek yourself.

Of course you can have both, and it's worth trying to find that balance, but for some of us, it's not easy.

It may even take the course of a whole lifetime to figure it out.

 

[Halla74]

Of course you can have both, and it's worth trying to find that balance, but for some of us, it's not easy.

It may even take the course of a whole lifetime to figure it out.

All we can do is soldier on, thou art correct.

I've done what I thought I must, for the reasons I believed right, and somehow, between the successes and the failures, it has all held together.

I wish you luck in your quest!

Being an extroverted perceiver is not easy!...BUT - someone has to do it.

 

[Charmed Justice]

K-back. Just ramblings...

There is nothing "mature" or even particularly impressive about getting a degree at a university, a high paying job/career, or forcing yourself to do things just for the sake of doing them, imo. Having a degree, a big house, money, and whatever else we're all "supposed" to have, does not a happy human, or family, make. You're on the right track because you already get that point. You are a single woman, and everyone has their own trail to blaze.

At the same time, I think it's important to find a balance that includes and respects the other people in your life. You must do things that have meaning to you, but if you're anything like me, you don't really want to be unnecessarily dependent on others or do less than what you know you could've and expected to do. Like you said, you're a perfectionist. As a perfectionist and an idealist, you do in fact care about the outcomes of your actions. In doing less than what you yourself expected and set out to do, esp. for reasons that are well within your control, you are likely letting yourself down in one way or another. As for me, I've all too often been my own worst enemy, sabotaging myself on more than one occasion, in rebellion and in reaction to something and/or someone.

In any case, I believe your goals are legitimate; and mostly importantly, they belong to you, even if they aren't traditionally defined. You will eventually find your way as you continue this lifelong process known as "growing up".

 

[SillySapienne]

K-back. Just ramblings...

There is nothing "mature" or even particularly impressive about getting a degree at a university, a high paying job/career, or forcing yourself to do things just for the sake of doing them, imo. Having a degree, a big house, money, and whatever else we're all "supposed" to have, does not a happy human, or family, make. You're on the right track because you already get that point. You are a single woman, and everyone has their own trail to blaze.

At the same time, I think it's important to find a balance that includes and respects the other people in your life. You must do things that have meaning to you, but if you're anything like me, you don't really want to be unnecessarily dependent on others or do less than what you know you could've and expected to do. Like you said, you're a perfectionist. As a perfectionist and an idealist, you do in fact care about the outcomes of your actions. In doing less than what you yourself expected and set out to do, esp. for reasons that are well within your control, you are likely letting yourself down in one way or another. As for me, I've all too often been my own worst enemy, sabotaging myself on more than one occasion, in rebellion and in reaction to something and/or someone.

In any case, I believe your goals are legitimate; and mostly importantly, they belong to you, even if they aren't traditionally defined. You will eventually find your way as you continue this lifelong process known as "growing up".

I feel much better, today, hahahahha, true story.



Have had some time to digest, discuss, think and dream...

A quick synopsis of my conclusion?!?!

YouTube - Bob Marley- Three Little Birds (With Lyrics!)

 

[Charmed Justice]

I feel much better, today, hahahahha, true story.



Have had some time to digest, discuss, think and dream...

A quick synopsis of my conclusion?!?!

YouTube - Bob Marley- Three Little Birds (With Lyrics!)

That's the spirit.

 

[highlander]

I apologize for the long post, but here is what I did:
- get the worst job possible that pays peanuts (I repackaged inner tubes in a warehouse for a whole summer) - that cured me of manual labor and was incentive to go on through a masters
- write a list down of your top 10 accomplishments in life so far (the ones you really enjoyed), why you succeeded in that, and look for patterns, which could help lead you to your passion as Jag says
- watch old reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies, which is what motivated me to want to become a millionare (well, I was 5 so that might not work, but at the time I figured if they could do it, why couldn't I - still looking for that "black gold" in my backyard...)

Some other things to consider that I pulled from somewhere which may or may not apply to you. Sorry if it is basic or obvious.

Problems

May start projects but be unable to finish them.

May be unable to stick to a career or job for any length of time.

Explanation of Problems

Nearly all of the problematic characteristics described above can be attributed in various degrees to the common ENFP problem of wanting to understand and experience everything at any cost. If the ENFP does not learn how to discriminate things and people in their external environment, the ENFP will begin to use their judging function (Introverted Feeling) as solve a “rubber stamper” to support their agenda to seek out experiences. This is a natural survivalistic technique for the ENFP personality. The main driver to the ENFP personality is Extraverted Intuition, whose purpose is to understand the world as one Big Picture, seeking connections and meaning in everything. If their ability to seek understanding is threatened, the ENFP shuts out the threatening force. This is totally natural, but unfortunately the individual who exercises this type of agenda protection regularly will become more and more unable to apply judgement to anything. When the unbalanced ENFP does apply judgement, it will generally be skewed to support their subjective agenda. They will always find justification for their own inappropriate behaviour. They will be unable to finish anything that they start, and generally wander through life from experience to experience.

It’s very common for ENFPs to resist applying judgement until they feel they truly understand a person or situation.
However, part of the understanding process includes using discernment to classify qualities. If the ENFP shuts judgement off entirely, he or she will not achieve their ultimate goal of understanding; rather they will jump from experience to experience in a purposeless fashion.

Anger can be a problem for anybody, but may be especially so for ENFPs who have not sufficiently developed their Introverted Feeling. The desire to keep everything non-judgmental, combined with the tendency to use Introverted Feeling as justification rather than true judgement is a recipe for suppressed anger. These are very contradictory forces. “I hate you for judging me” is an ironic feeling, but is unfortunately common. The inability to apply judgement, or to accept negative judgement prevents the ENFP from expressing negative judgement, and therefore causes them to stew in their anger, rather than deal with it.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the ENFP needs to focus on applying judgement to all of their perceptions. This means they need to decide how they really feel about people, places and things, rather than allowing their feelings to hang open indeterminately. The ENFP needs to understand that developing their ability to discern qualities does not threaten their ability to understand the world, but rather enhances it, and enhances their personal changes for achieving a measure of success in their lives.

The ENFP concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to their motivation for making a judgement. Are they trying to really determine the objective value or merit of something, or are they trying to defend their individual right to not be judged or controlled? The goal when judging something is to not let your personal agenda influence your opinions. Obviously, this is not entirely possible, but it is the exercise to keep in mind. You want to open your mind to judgement without feeling threatened, and without using your own judgement in a defensive, rationalizing mode.


Living Happily in our World as an ENFP

As can be seen from the above, some ENFPs can have difficulty. Their problems are often due top feeling different because of their dominant Intuition, and being unable to stick to anything long enough to feel a sense of accomplishment. They feel like they don’t fit in, and can’t find the place where they belong in the world. The ENFP who consistently makes decisions and applies classifications to their ideas will be able to turn their ideas into reality, and experience the feelings of accomplishment and success that accompany being effective.

The key to personal growth for the ENFP is competent execution of Introverted Feeling. It’s difficult for most to understand what this means, much less incorporate that directive into your life. I have created some action-oriented suggestions that will help lead you down the path towards more effective use of the Introverted Feeling function. Specific suggestions:

· When you feel angry or resistant towards someone who you feel is criticizing you, take this as a cue that you are not judging effectively. When that happens, take a step back from your anger and try to really hear what the person is saying objectively. Rather than expending mental energy in defining how the other person is wrong, try to judge what the person is actually saying.

· Periodically make lists of goals and accomplishments. Revisit your goals and accomplishments as often as you’d like to maintain a sense of direction.

· Spend time alone regularly for the purpose of thinking through issues in your life.


Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ENFP Success

1. Feed Your Strengths! Make sure you have opportunities to have new experiences to feel your quest of understanding the world.

2. Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. By facing your weaknesses, you can overcome them and they will have less power over you.

3. Express Your Feelings. Don’t let anger get bottled up inside you. If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, or they may become destructive!

4. Make Decisions. Don't be afraid to have an opinion. You need to know how you feel about things in order to be effective.

5. Smile at Criticism. Try to see disagreement and discord as an opportunity for growth, because that’s exactly what it is. Try not to become overly defensive towards criticism; try to hear it and judge it objectively.

6. Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Most of your problems with other people are easier to deal with if you try to understand the other person's perspective.

7. Be Aware of Yourself. Don't stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfill your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?

8. Be Accountable for Yourself. Don’t waste mental energy finding blame in other’s behaviour, or in identifying yourself as a victim. You have more control over your life than any other person has.

9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by assuming the worst. Remember that a positive attitude creates positive situations.

10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.

 

[highlander]

One other list I thought I'd share. I came up with it during a coaching session with one of my counselees who was an ENFP and had him rank the items on the list (what the numbers mean - his ranking). Once he had the list, it allowed him to trace things back to what type of work he could do that would give him the greatest career satisfaction.


Career Satisfaction to me means:

7 Lets me work with a diverse group of people on a variety of projects motivated by creative inspiration

1 Lets me create new ideas, products/services or solutions to problems that will help other people

8 Is fun, challenging and always varied

9 Lets me meet new people, learn new skills, and continually satisfies my curiosity

Is consistent with my personal beliefs and values and allows me to create opportunities that benefit others

Rarely requires me to h andle the routine details, follow through, or maintenance of a project

Allows me freedom to follow my inspirations and participate in exciting/intriguing projects

Is done in a friendly, relaxed environment with humor, goodwill and a minimum of interpersonal conflict

Allows me to work in an environment that appreciates and rewards enthusiasm, ingenuity, and imagination


Strengths

Problem solving skills
Creativity
Infectious enthusiasm; ability to inspire
Enjoy serving others (clients)
Develops/sustains relationships
Negotiation skills
Extremely perceptive of views of others
Strong initiative
Tireless at what is interesting to you
Versatile
Good with people; very likeable
Individual/independent
Focus area options
Client service
Client relationship development

 

[Bubbleboy]

Don't make fun of me, but I watched Avatar the other night, and I felt shaken, like I wasn't following the right path.

Like I've been neglecting my Fi-ometer.

I just need to feel *right*.

And, I guess, right now, I don't feel *right*.

Am I lost?!!?

I don't know, but I think I have lost sight of my truest self, and what I'm meant to be doing.

I'm still processing a lot of pain, and overcoming a victim complex.

(I was severely abused by my asshole, (deceased) father).

But, I can't let the ugliness he expelled upon me to take over me, and hold me down, down, down.

I can't let him win.

I'm a good person, just a little aimless at the moment.

I just want some poetry, love and some good conversation.

I dunno.

I'm an underachieving perfectionist.

Sorry, this thread is so self-indulgent.

Please, anybody, gripe away, too.

T'will help me to feel a bit less pathetic.

I totally understand. I go into ENFP-emo mode (what others call procrastinating) at times too. And then I realize it's just time to get out of my head and get laid.

 

[Thalassa]

Problems

May start projects but be unable to finish them.

May be unable to stick to a career or job for any length of time.

Explanation of Problems

Nearly all of the problematic characteristics described above can be attributed in various degrees to the common ENFP problem of wanting to understand and experience everything at any cost. If the ENFP does not learn how to discriminate things and people in their external environment, the ENFP will begin to use their judging function (Introverted Feeling) as solve a “rubber stamper” to support their agenda to seek out experiences. This is a natural survivalistic technique for the ENFP personality. The main driver to the ENFP personality is Extraverted Intuition, whose purpose is to understand the world as one Big Picture, seeking connections and meaning in everything. If their ability to seek understanding is threatened, the ENFP shuts out the threatening force. This is totally natural, but unfortunately the individual who exercises this type of agenda protection regularly will become more and more unable to apply judgement to anything. When the unbalanced ENFP does apply judgement, it will generally be skewed to support their subjective agenda. They will always find justification for their own inappropriate behaviour. They will be unable to finish anything that they start, and generally wander through life from experience to experience.

It’s very common for ENFPs to resist applying judgement until they feel they truly understand a person or situation.
However, part of the understanding process includes using discernment to classify qualities. If the ENFP shuts judgement off entirely, he or she will not achieve their ultimate goal of understanding; rather they will jump from experience to experience in a purposeless fashion.

Anger can be a problem for anybody, but may be especially so for ENFPs who have not sufficiently developed their Introverted Feeling. The desire to keep everything non-judgmental, combined with the tendency to use Introverted Feeling as justification rather than true judgement is a recipe for suppressed anger. These are very contradictory forces. “I hate you for judging me” is an ironic feeling, but is unfortunately common. The inability to apply judgement, or to accept negative judgement prevents the ENFP from expressing negative judgement, and therefore causes them to stew in their anger, rather than deal with it.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the ENFP needs to focus on applying judgement to all of their perceptions. This means they need to decide how they really feel about people, places and things, rather than allowing their feelings to hang open indeterminately. The ENFP needs to understand that developing their ability to discern qualities does not threaten their ability to understand the world, but rather enhances it, and enhances their personal changes for achieving a measure of success in their lives.

The ENFP concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to their motivation for making a judgement. Are they trying to really determine the objective value or merit of something, or are they trying to defend their individual right to not be judged or controlled? The goal when judging something is to not let your personal agenda influence your opinions. Obviously, this is not entirely possible, but it is the exercise to keep in mind. You want to open your mind to judgement without feeling threatened, and without using your own judgement in a defensive, rationalizing mode.


Living Happily in our World as an ENFP

As can be seen from the above, some ENFPs can have difficulty. Their problems are often due top feeling different because of their dominant Intuition, and being unable to stick to anything long enough to feel a sense of accomplishment. They feel like they don’t fit in, and can’t find the place where they belong in the world. The ENFP who consistently makes decisions and applies classifications to their ideas will be able to turn their ideas into reality, and experience the feelings of accomplishment and success that accompany being effective.

The key to personal growth for the ENFP is competent execution of Introverted Feeling. It’s difficult for most to understand what this means, much less incorporate that directive into your life. I have created some action-oriented suggestions that will help lead you down the path towards more effective use of the Introverted Feeling function. Specific suggestions:

· When you feel angry or resistant towards someone who you feel is criticizing you, take this as a cue that you are not judging effectively. When that happens, take a step back from your anger and try to really hear what the person is saying objectively. Rather than expending mental energy in defining how the other person is wrong, try to judge what the person is actually saying.

· Periodically make lists of goals and accomplishments. Revisit your goals and accomplishments as often as you’d like to maintain a sense of direction.

· Spend time alone regularly for the purpose of thinking through issues in your life.


Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ENFP Success

1. Feed Your Strengths! Make sure you have opportunities to have new experiences to feel your quest of understanding the world.

2. Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. By facing your weaknesses, you can overcome them and they will have less power over you.

3. Express Your Feelings. Don’t let anger get bottled up inside you. If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, or they may become destructive!

4. Make Decisions. Don't be afraid to have an opinion. You need to know how you feel about things in order to be effective.

5. Smile at Criticism. Try to see disagreement and discord as an opportunity for growth, because that’s exactly what it is. Try not to become overly defensive towards criticism; try to hear it and judge it objectively.

6. Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Most of your problems with other people are easier to deal with if you try to understand the other person's perspective.

7. Be Aware of Yourself. Don't stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfill your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?

8. Be Accountable for Yourself. Don’t waste mental energy finding blame in other’s behaviour, or in identifying yourself as a victim. You have more control over your life than any other person has.

9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by assuming the worst. Remember that a positive attitude creates positive situations.

10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.

This is great. Everything I bolded sounds exactly like me. Thanks for posting this info.