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Thread: Pretentious Fi

  1. #471
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    I've seen that many people on other forums, basically all NFPs have commented that they 'know' what the emotion flow of the room is, how others are feeling, like an 'ability'. I'm highly sceptical of this. I'm an ENFP, but I honestly don't have this 'ability'. Sure you can analyse and overanalyse and interpret a situation subjectively, but jumping to conclusions about what another person feels just makes you .. annoying.

  2. #472
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    ^ I'm very wary of trusting my intuition of how other people feel and what their intentions are. It's natural to me, but I always make a conscious effort to ignore it, since I think it's unfair to other people. In the end one can't read minds.

  3. #473
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thinkerninja View Post
    I've seen that many people on other forums, basically all NFPs have commented that they 'know' what the emotion flow of the room is, how others are feeling, like an 'ability'. I'm highly sceptical of this. I'm an ENFP, but I honestly don't have this 'ability'. Sure you can analyse and overanalyse and interpret a situation subjectively, but jumping to conclusions about what another person feels just makes you .. annoying.
    Perhaps they meant it in a subjective way? As in how the people in the room affect them, rather than claiming to objectively know what each person is feeling.
    Though basic empathy is certainly to be expected, from any human, but it should not be taken too far.

  4. #474
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thinkerninja
    basically all NFPs have commented that they 'know' what the emotion flow of the room is, how others are feeling, like an 'ability'. I'm highly sceptical of this.
    the way i personally see this, is it's like a conglomeration of little things. the way people are holding themselves. their gazes. their behavior. the way they're positioned in respect to things in the room. the way they move and the way they speak. the reason i think Ne-Fi people claim this is that we see these inconsistencies via Fi - we can tell something is "off" from normal about each individual person - and then Ne takes all of those inconsistencies and looks for the pattern/big picture.

    i used to have a nitpicky, egotistical, micromanaging, nosy boss (i liked her some, but she was a bit of a tornado to say the least), and when i walked into the office, i could often peg the mood of the room and the mood of my boss almost immediately. it wasn't premonition and it wasn't anything particularly magical, even though it took a while for me to understand how i was able to do that. but my boss herself even commented upon how well i could immediately pick up on a person's emotional state and meet them at that level, which i attribute mostly to Fi. Ne just helps apply and extend that to perceive an "atmosphere".

    sometimes my perception is off, but it just helps me learn for next time. i'm usually accurate.

    i don't think it's being pretentious to call yourself usually accurate when you usually are.

    i do know this through confirmation. i used to have hour-long appointments with clients, so i'd almost inevitably hear about how they were feeling through discussion of their current issues and through my own questioning to make sure i was on the same page as them. occasionally i would get my initial "reading" of them wrong, but i was usually right.

    i guess what i see as the important thing is that the whole purpose of doing this is to be more welcoming to people, and to be able to communicate with them in an effective way. it's not to pigeonhole anyone into a stereotype or to lord my almighty powers (ha ha) over them. the purpose isn't at all to be restricting, or judgmental, it's just a useful tool in deciding how to approach someone or go about things in general. and let's face it, it's not that ridiculously great of a skill. so i can tell when someone's feeling differently than usual. most people can do that, given they know someone well enough.

  5. #475
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thinkerninja View Post
    I've seen that many people on other forums, basically all NFPs have commented that they 'know' what the emotion flow of the room is, how others are feeling, like an 'ability'. I'm highly sceptical of this. I'm an ENFP, but I honestly don't have this 'ability'. Sure you can analyse and overanalyse and interpret a situation subjectively, but jumping to conclusions about what another person feels just makes you .. annoying.
    Jumping to conclusions equals a lack of thorough checking, and is annoying in any field. In math it can lead to fatal mistakes, in organizing stuff it can keep you from seeing the little things that change the picture, and the same is true for when you work with people.

    OTOH, I spent 20+ years thinking I wasn't good at anything, because everyone kept telling me that it was ridiculous to think you could read people's emotional state, not to mention presumptious and arrogant. It *is* something I can do reasonably well, and I'm not about to appologize for it. When someoene talks to me about math or how something is built up logically and I cannot follow what they're saying, I'm considered stupid, even though they don't make sense to me. Yet when I do something they cannot fathom, even when I explain it to the best of my abilities, suddenly it doesn't exist and it's considered attention whoring. It doesn't even come to mind that they just might be dense when it comes to this.
    That general double standard which exists just pisses me off. Just coz you don't 'feel' something, or don't understand something, doesn't mean it isn't there. It can just as easily mean you just suck at reading it. Which is fine. Just don't diss it till you've tried it/explored it. Properly, I might add.

    I know you're a fellow ENFP, but I sometimes feel that that general attitude towards those good at empathy and reading people is that they're charlatans and are therefore discredited as their talents aren't supposed to exist, and ya know what, I as an ENFP tried to please them and forget about that part of myself, only to find myself lying to myself. I'm not saying that you should develop these talents, if you aren't remotely interested in them. I'm just saying that just coz you're not pursuing them, doesn't mean that skillset doesn't exist.
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  6. #476
    Senior Member Cybin's Avatar
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    I think people who say it can do it, at least to some extent. I'm too distrustful of my gut instincts, and I know I'm not very good at reading people. I generally need people to talk to me to get a vibe. However, I can think of a few times I've walked into a room and the air was absolutely cold and thick because something that caused tension had happened. Every time, though, it was a setting where I was familiar with the people in it and their routines, so I'm sure I just quickly noticed something odd before I could think about it consciously. I don't doubt there are people who have honed this skill.

    But I also think some people just think that they can do it, and insist they're right when told otherwise.

  7. #477
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    True, as with any skill, there's ways to overestimate your abilities and then fall flat on your face, or to be lazy while executing it, which then gives inaccurate results, and that looks particularly bad when doing this, imo.
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  8. #478
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    ^ haha, yeah, good point. and it's another one of those Fi things that seems "invisible" when it goes right, you know? a lot of people don't usually point out when you're on the same wavelength as them - they mostly tend to notice just when you're not. and what we perceive doesn't necessarily have much of a connection to how we act about it. you could feel the atmosphere of a room as being somber and decide to sing lady gaga and crack lewd jokes just because you feel like it.

  9. #479
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Honestly to my experience NFJs are probably better at empathizing/sympathizing than I am. A lot of the time I'm not sure how to react to people showing their Fe, except to attempt to consider the Ti aspect of their feelings and to mirror their emotions and keep myself open to them. I sense this same kind of interaction coming from other NFPs when I interact with them as well. However, my experience and certainty of other types is limited.

    Although it may be the NFP's instinct to just BS their guesses of how you feel because they want you to feel better or to "talk you through it". If you find this to be an issue, I suggest just telling the offenders to stfu lol, if they ignore you when you try to correct them.
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  10. #480
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    Although "jumping to conclusions" is an expression, rather than an activity, it is as dangerous as jumping off a cliff, jumping in front of a moving train, and jumping for joy. If you jump off a cliff, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful landing unless there is something below you to cushion your fall, such as a body of water or an immense pile of tissue paper. If you jump in front of a moving train, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful voyage unless you are wearing some sort of train-proof suit. And if you jump for joy, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful bump on the head, unless you make sure you are standing someplace with very high ceilings, which joyous people rarely do. Clearly, the solution to anything involving jumping is either to make sure you are jumping to a safe place, or not to jump at all.
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