Ne doms hate rejection more than anything. So perhaps for NeFi, critical attack of Fi, feels like rejection of them as a person. Admitting an Fi flaw is like admitting you are flawed a a human. Like attacking a Ti generated idea of an ENTP perhaps?
My Fi is all fucked up, but these threads that offer Fi critique still can be hard. Even talking to my IRL entp about Fi can be hard. I have to revert to Te and logical analyze Fi like it is a isolated creature to learn lessons. It emotionally hurts if I extend Fi to care for another and am rebuffed. I do not understand why. When this happens I dont feel like I was being offensive or trying to control another-only extending pure love and caring. I just refrain from offering Fi mostly. (dude, even writing this makes me want to tear up a bit-urggghhhh)
I think enfps want to help people become something more, see them happy, not control them. Why...? We mirror their emo, so a happy person means a happy enfp. Yet we have a cute judgemental Te lurking inside of us. So we have a set of Te standards we apply to what we would like to see them become. (We almost always fail our own standards btw.) We endless adjust those standards for others-ie endlessly forgive, recognizing each person is unique.
We like to help them grow into whatever THEY want to be, within our Fi/Te framework, where, from what I understand, an ENFJ wants them to grow into what the ENFJ thinks they SHOULD be. (warning-very, very limited enfj data set IRL, so not even sure that is right, apologies if fucked up, please correct)
On another Fi/Te combo person all of the above works okay. So we get 50% of the population.
We sort of stumble by with the Fe doms and auxs. I think IRL both sides think they are communicating and lose info in translation. We also annoy the shit out of each other as can be seen here over and over again. My best lessons are from Proteo describing rude Fi behavior.
With Ti doms, it just doesnt seem to reach extreme frustration. With my ISTP ex, I just never let him see Fi. ever.
The worst is with the EXTPs. Couple of reasons I think:
1. We use Te as the toolkit to "help". Te sounds very controlling and bossy. For me Fe tries to tell me how to feel and I rebel. I'd make a wild guess that maybe Te feels like it is trying to tell Ti how to think? My EXTPs despise Te.
2. The Te/Fe defensive reactions. My Fi gets poked, I lash out with Te. The EXTP then defends with Fe trying to regain control starting a downhill cycle.
3. Fi is some weird ass shit. It is a metaphorical mist that permeates others kinesthetically. I literally "feel" them, not see them. Today my ENTP was baffled-every Fi user she asks a set of Qs to gave her the same answer. WTF? How can Fi really be the same for all of these people? Yet it seemed to be based upon a pool of enfp/istj users.
I think Fi is super fuzzy. It is utterly, openly accepting of mismatch error. "meh, we are only 20% in agreement? yeah, we match!". So two Fi users can feel moderately different but still be okay with the unspoken assumption that they "feel" the same. Maybe this is true?? I dunno...maybe Fi is really that simple biochemically.
Works great till you apply it to Ti which seeks utter precision in everything. I would guess that it is not a real "match" for Ti, unless it is a perfect match-which is impossible given the individual uniqueness inherent in Ti. Thus Fi plunges in, mismatches terribly, makes all these unspoken assumptions, then Te goes-"Ah, my Fi said you feel this(with a 20% match rate), so here do these things from my Te toolbox". Thus we fucked with Ti precision and Te powerplayed them all at once.
They get a wee bit pissy bout this time.
All this is super subconscious-so not really above radar honestly for most folks, so I dont think we are aware of what we are doing or why it is so very offensive to them.