Ah, okay. I don't know, it still kind of sounds like shadow Fe to me, but then we run into definition and semantic problems. Regardless of the source of her behaviour (Fi or Fe), I think it's valid to be irritated.I have a very close INFP friend, and I see the kind of projection that I described on a fairly regular basis. If X upsets her, then she automatically assumes that when X happens to me, I will be also be upset. Even after I explain to her that we have different values so what upsets her doesn't necessarily upset me, she still has trouble convincing herself that my claims about my own emotions are true. I think it's really hard for her to separate her own emotions from a circumstance.
I'm not sure I'd go as far as saying it's pretentious though, unless it's flouncing around with a lace parasol, singing "La-dee-dah, I am soooooooo deep and sensitive and I know how you feel better than you do!" Then again, that's just my definition of pretentious coming into play.
But anyway, in dealing with it--perhaps it's best just to state your own stance, then back off. It doesn't seem like you'll convince them using any arguments and sounds like it's just going to produce a roadblock of frustration for you. They'll have to convince themselves when they don't see you crying or responding the same way they do.
If their behaviour is intruding on your own fun/joy/lifestyle though, maybe you could just focus on the behaviour--ie, don't challenge their perceptions, but just ask them to change specific bits of behaviour when it comes to you.
Do they know they're those types? In my experience people tend to go crazy with their type in the beginning and become mild (or extreme) caricatures before they find their balance. Some may take longer than others to rebalance.Both. Forums and with two of my NFP friends as well as with an ESFP and an ISFP irl.
Cheers.Anyway I really appreciate your post. It was really great and very much along the lines of the responses I was looking for. Thanks.