Huh. I can see both methods.
For me, I like planning things like trips, and social events, so I have a general idea of what's going to happen in my life. I like having a general structure.
But I also know by this point that half the time, things don't always work out (friends cancel because they aren't feeling well, etc), so I guess I don't freak out when my plans fall through. I might be disappointed, but then I get over it. It's kinda an 'expected' possibility that things could change. :-) So I don't get really worked up if things change on me.
Substitute, with your J example of the husband, I really don't think that would ever be something I'd do, and I guess I don't feel I operate that way - i.e. being so single-minded and attached to a huge life plan that I'm caught off guard when other people and events don't shape themselves to my plan. *I* may be able to implement a level of control on MY life, but I never in my wildest dreams think I can begin to add any control/structure to anyone else...because they're operating of their own accord. :-) But I kind of see what you were trying to illustrate - I'm just not really sure this is a strictly J/P scenario. I think it's a combo of things.