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Thread: sp/sx vs sx/sp

  1. #1
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Default sp/sx vs sx/sp

    i can't figure out my type. i don't take risks in relationships, but in terms of how i tell myself my own story, i feel far more turbulent and desperately in need of intense connection.

    i say i am in love with art but i might be more in love with the idea of art. sp/sx seems more zen and more mystical, which is me. but sx/sp seems more epic push-pull in relationships, which is maybe an exaggeration. i'm a 5w4. i don't aggressively pursue, and i become sharp and edgy somewhat frequently, showing my claws. but i don't cut ties easily. i will just disappear. but if i do not resurface i am simply not alive.

    i want my story to be art. i feel ill if i imagine a straight and narrow life, yet i am afraid of getting stuck in something worse (more traditional). suffocating my hope and energy and vitality. i want to explore myself and master myself and master the universe. i want to absorb everything. i want to expand infinitely. i want to be challenged, but i feel like i must be the best at everything. this exhausts me and causes cognitive dissonance. i may not believe that any one person has my answers, my solution, or my salvation. i gave that up somewhere in my early twenties, i misplaced it or lost it under the pillow when the tooth fairy never came. the flame comes back but without the totalizing faith of unquestioned belief.

    but i'm always wanting. and art has sustained me more than anything else. the significant relationships i have had have rebuilt me into a person, out of the fragmentary pieces of experience and thought i previously had been. they are like chemical elements and processes that evoke me out of myself, that materialize and actualize my latent potential. they help turn me into real and actual substance out of the ethereal mind/spirit which is me.

    i don't identify myself as self-destructive in many ways. i feel strongly iconoclastic in that my vision is very important to me, i get really judgy when it comes to aesthetic choices. i am staunchly myself when it involves something i care about. yet i don't share my vision with very many people. i am not aggressive or assertive, but i have been told i am very intense and seem very focused. on that set i might be a total dictator. i never liked to share the toys in the toybox. if i am self-destructive it is total gluttony, high anxiety, and periodic nihilistic mornings and evenings. it is stress that becomes borderline incapacitating, yet never incapacitating. it is also a lack of much-needed responsibility.

    my biggest fear is growing bored or being trapped in a situation that is no longer exciting. one in which the attitudes and ideas of the group drown out my own. fuck the group, i'd rather make my own mark by myself. i have a strong tendency to withdraw, but i have an intense desire for connection at all times. yet i do fear being overexposed and vulnerable. everything must be real to me, but i have obviously experienced stunted growth in aspects of social development. yet you could never tell, bc you would like me. i can be very charming. but, if not on my terms, and not with a bit of information gathering first, very nervously so (especially if i care what you think/feel about me).

    i identify with the home-space of sp/sx in that whenever i've lived alone, visitors have always commented on how much the space felt like me, felt safe and inviting, etc. yet i have had ex's comment that they have had to look away bc my intensity made them become shy.

    i have been in few relationships but when i have been alone, i sound like kierkegaard praying for divine intervention. yet i've been alone most of my life. altho a large part of this was untangling my fucked up ideals and an awful mish-mash of christian indoctrination and 5w4 (a la emily dickinson) trump card forays into total darkness, that took time to balance the scales (and tip them over, in my case).

    i am so obviously one-to-one over any other form of interaction. when conversing i probe others with great intensity, trying to get to their essence. i want to know them and know what makes them tick. this is the entirety of their interest to me.

  2. #2
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it is also a lack of much-needed responsibility.
    Could you elaborate on this part? Do you mean because you are often alone, you do not have a large amount of social responsibility to friends, spouses, kids, etc.? Or are you talking about work/career/job responsibility?

    Your current avatar seems symbolic of a search for self.
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  3. #3
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by speculative View Post
    Could you elaborate on this part? Do you mean because you are often alone, you do not have a large amount of social responsibility to friends, spouses, kids, etc.? Or are you talking about work/career/job responsibility?

    Your current avatar seems symbolic of a search for self.
    oh i just mean when you begin to accept responsibility for your own self-preservation, your own future, your own moods and behavior, your own bills to pay, your own practical tasks that must get done, your own social engagement with others, etc, you go a long way towards getting your shit together and becoming a real person.

    i think part of it is the pressure to get a real job that will sustain me. the whole "wasted potential" thing, bc my interests are somewhat obtuse and float along like the breeze. plus all the constant loafing (to replenish my energies).

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    First off, check out these-

    sx/sp

    This is perhaps the most internally conflicted of the stackings, and potentially the most inconsistent in behavior. This may occur as a blockage of the sexual instinct which can be redirected as a more generally brooding and troubled personality. They may isolate themselves for long periods of time before reemerging. They live according to a strictly personal outlook and are not particularly concerned with the approval of others outside of their immediate concern. They seem to be searching for something, the missing piece. If they find a soulmate they will unite without fanfare, forming a secret bond, dealing with formalities as an afterthought. Powerful sexual impulses facing inner resistance may manifest symbolically in the psyche, giving way to soulful interpretations of the unconscious. Under periods of stress severe sexual tensions may manifest as erratic, impulsively destructive behavior. Can seem restless, torn between the comforts of a stable home life and the urge to wander. May be prone to self-medicating.

    Motivation: to know the heart, reconcile inner conflict, form a secure union.

    Familiar roles: the devotee, the seeker, the wanderer

    Examples of sx/sp: Prince, Carl Jung, Johnny Depp, Ozzy Osbourne, Johnny Cash, Joan Crawford, Princess Di, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, Frollo from "Hunchback of Notre Dame"

    -----------------------

    sp/sx

    These people often have an earthy, mysterious quality to them. They are quietly intense, but to others may seem oblivious to the greater social world around them, instead favoring personal interests. They are slow to commit, but once they do it is with an attitude of life commitment, to the establishment of an impermeable bond. Others can be taken aback by how suddenly and completely this type can lock into them, and by the depth of understanding of the other's condition. They attach to others at an organic, root level, in contrast to the other subvariant's surface formality. Somewhat hesitant to enter new relationships, they instead preserve the select few enduring bonds they carefully form along the way. The sanctuary of home is of paramount concern, and this type takes particular delight in decorating their spaces to reflect their cherished sense of taste and depth. Depth and discrimination characterize this stacking.

    Motivation: to live in a secure, comfortable environment where they can pursue their private interests in depth.

    Familiar Roles: the mate, the mystic, the quiet supporter.

    Examples: George Harrison, Jackie Onassis, Eric Clapton, Emily Dickinson

    ----------------------------------------

    You seem more sx/sp to me, just because of how you come to realizations. You seem to be very good at analyzing your unconscious thought processes to provide unique insight. This insight is towards type, people in general, situations etc. You seem pretty people oriented, yet not social, which is classic sx/sp.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post

    my biggest fear is growing bored or being trapped in a situation that is no longer exciting. one in which the attitudes and ideas of the group drown out my own. fuck the group, i'd rather make my own mark by myself. i have a strong tendency to withdraw, but i have an intense desire for connection at all times. yet i do fear being overexposed and vulnerable. everything must be real to me, but i have obviously experienced stunted growth in aspects of social development. yet you could never tell, bc you would like me. i can be very charming. but, if not on my terms, and not with a bit of information gathering first, very nervously so (especially if i care what you think/feel about me).
    Oh, this is so me. I think this is why I am able to note mini-cycles in my life -- like, I know by now that every couple of years I become ancy and bored with things if I've been doing the same thing/have been in the same situation the entire time, without much change. I feel stagnant by that point, and need to once again figure out how to extricate myself or make changes to shake things up once again and stimulate myself on whatever level I'm lacking.

    I was really socially/emotionally 'stunted' as a teenager. In my early 20's I truly felt I had the social awareness/experience of someone 5-10 yrs younger than me. Took a while to catch up, I'm still not quite sure I've totally 'caught up'. But I do seem to effortlessly get along with people, at least on a superficial level, so I am 'likable' in that sense. It's the deeper context that doesn't happen often - for various reasons, but I think we've talked about it before.

    i identify with the home-space of sp/sx in that whenever i've lived alone, visitors have always commented on how much the space felt like me, felt safe and inviting, etc. yet i have had ex's comment that they have had to look away bc my intensity made them become shy.
    I didn't realize home-space/decor had anything to do with sp/sx, but it's funny because I've gotten the comment from my friends at how 'cozy'/inviting/comfy/'ME' my place is. But I do that on purpose - I want my place to reflect me because I want the ambience to bring me peace. Ambience is extremely important to me.

    I don't know much at all about distinctions between sp/sx/so -- so can't answer any of that. Those 2 things just popped out at me & I wanted to comment, haha.

    Blackcat's descriptions, though....I'm so sp/sx. But then I've always tested 'sp'...and makes total sense given my life and approach at relationships. I'm definitely more hesitant to enter - more deliberating, more observant, more cautious, more self-protective (ha) -- but once in, I'm SO in, and the self-protective element almost completely vanishes, and I become really open and much more vulnerable/raw.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #6
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    blackcat, i identify more with the generic sx/sp description over sp/sx, and i probably do a bit more with the 5 description of sx/sp over sp/sx. but i'm not sure if it's bc i want to, bc the idea of sp would be less exciting to me.

    i am not only hesitant to enter relationships, i also am hesitant to commit 100%. but i do think it has had more to do with the formalities i don't get and the 5w4 issues than a lack of desire to merge, connect, intensely get to know, and i'm still young in relationships and going thru comparatively adolescent growing pains.

    my behavior looks way more sp/sx than sx. yet my internal experiences and subjective impressions make me feel or want to feel sx/sp more than sp/sx. i have never felt content, i hate silence, i can rarely just slow down and float along, i feel like i am always furiously working on something unless i'm heavily invested socially and drinking all the time. or in a relationship, in which case i will spend almost all of my time together or processing. i don't relate to the need for alone time as much as i thought i would for a 5w4 sp/sx, i will consistently choose to spend time together. my only conflict with this is that sometimes i am beat and fussy, or if we do not connect and it is not energized i get really really frustrated. i ALWAYS want to communicate, connect, etc.

    i do not like to just be near others, i want to CONNECT or i want to be alone or i want to be anonymous in a large group.

    i worry about the future a lot, but that has more to do with my total lack of follow-thru and my resistance at doing the things i OUGHT to do to solve my worries. i am sooo resistant on career choices that will impinge on my freedom and make me feel stale, old, fake, going thru the motions, inauthentic, etc. i want to explore myself and not just grow but expand, i want to intensify myself and say vibrant and creative and inquisitive. i want to work on what i want to work on!

    the home is important to me, as are creature comforts, and i am especially in love with food and advanced culinary treats. i have an insatiable appetite. i used to play sports and was very competitive, and feel far more physical than most infjs. i can never exercise or take care of myself consistently, but i can binge and purge on health and fitness pretty fast and feel like i was 18 in a month or two (think you high metabolism!). i do feel like i burn pretty strongly for an sp, but my behavior looks so sp with the horrifying indecision and lack of risk-taking. i imagine sx to take serious risks all the time and especially when on the verge. i've never even had a serious drug habit! (altho that is bc i avoid situations where my addictive personality could come back to bite me in the ass).

    i'm not sure if sx is partly where my constant discontent growing up stems from. and the incompleteness of knowledge and identity (5w4). i worry about the future and i am mature in many many ways, but it is a wisdom that is still incapable of tying its own shoes. or doesn't want to have to learn and grow old. i liked emily dickinson signing her name emilie when she was afraid she was becoming too old and boring. without intense connection with others i can not imagine living and being remotely anything- i'd be so depressed. it is what renews me, a well to dive into and come back refreshed. feel energized and alive. if i did not have to worry more about my own personal responsibility and meeting the obligations of the world there's no fucking way i would. i don't care about those things, but i do worry about them.

    in my prioritization of decisions, a significant and meaningful moment/connection/experience always trumps responsibility and logic. i am very inconsistent and erratic at day-to-day discipline, living, etc. when enthralled i can't sleep bc i am so excited. but i am VERY conscientious and FREQUENTLY consider worst case scenarios that would threaten my security and certainty.

  7. #7
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I was really socially/emotionally 'stunted' as a teenager. In my early 20's I truly felt I had the social awareness/experience of someone 5-10 yrs younger than me. Took a while to catch up, I'm still not quite sure I've totally 'caught up'. But I do seem to effortlessly get along with people, at least on a superficial level, so I am 'likable' in that sense. It's the deeper context that doesn't happen often - for various reasons, but I think we've talked about it before.
    i have had it happen for me many times throughout my life, or maybe i just attribute a few to be pretty good. but no matter what i immediately start challenging it, after the fact, and want better/even better. i always want more complete connection, more perfection. there is a line from the film waking life where they talk about the holy moment.

    i am torn between the solitary isolated mysticism of sp/sx and the intense earthly energy/desire of sx/sp. i float along for significant periods of time, but i am hyper-aware of all members of the opposite sex.

    also, at times i identify with the iggy pop song search and destroy. but as a 5w4 i always feel more self-contained. more self-aware, from an external perspective or knowledge, of what is possible.

    i feel exactly halfway in between.

  8. #8
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i have had it happen for me many times throughout my life, or maybe i just attribute a few to be pretty good. but no matter what i immediately start challenging it, after the fact, and want better/even better. i always want more complete connection, more perfection. there is a line from the film waking life where they talk about the holy moment.

    i am torn between the solitary isolated mysticism of sp/sx and the intense earthly energy/desire of sx/sp. i float along for significant periods of time, but i am hyper-aware of all members of the opposite sex.

    also, at times i identify with the iggy pop song search and destroy. but as a 5w4 i always feel more self-contained. more self-aware, from an external perspective or knowledge, of what is possible.

    i feel exactly halfway in between.
    It may be that I've had such *amazing* connections with a handful of people (and still do), where I feel understood on pretty much all levels....and so those become my 'standard', as such...and then since I know it's possible for me to find these connections, and I know they exist, anything lesser becomes kind of unsatisfying, to be perfectly honest. It's not that I am unable to find value in these other interactions, rather it's the knowledge of what IS possible, and I am able to compare/contrast. Even though I'm sp, I do crave deep connections with others, and without feeling connected, I become rather unhappy. But being alone is definitely preferable to being with any random person who I don't really click with. So it's definitely not being around people in general - it's a specific interaction I seek.

    As to solitary mysticism vs. earthly desire, using just that terminology, I also desire a mix of both. I mean, I'm super into experiences as well....being active physically, pushing myself out of my comfort zone experience-wise, even some activities that some think are more 'dangerous' or risky, I embrace and really enjoy. Plus I have such a sensory appreciation for many aspects of life, and without those elements I wouldn't be terribly balanced. But even with all of that...I think my 'neutral' level, or baseline, or essence, is that more isolated, observant, analytical, contemplative, solitary one.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  9. #9
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    what do you think about this? Enneagram Central - Enneagram Style Five

    it includes links on the left to check out 5 subtypes.

    i have had a handful of connections that were extremely significant to me where i learned huge HUGE lessons from people who were teachers and healers and helpers and also best friends, but then i know what you mean about the total transparency, and i think it's why we both seem to appreciate dominant intuitives. specific ennegram types also really intrigue me, i always love other 5w4, 4w5, and 7w6, and i usually love 4w3 and 9w1.

    i feel more sx in that i have always been EXTREMELY demanding of others, especially when in relationships. is this more sx/sp? what are your experiences with this?

  10. #10
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post

    i feel more sx in that i have always been EXTREMELY demanding of others, especially when in relationships. is this more sx/sp? what are your experiences with this?
    Demanding in what way? As in expressing your desires/expectations (ug, I hate that word, but I'll keep it in)/needs, and being more dominant/aggressive/extroverted regarding that?

    I have never viewed myself as being demanding in relationships; but depending on what you mean by that, maybe I am.

    -------

    As to the link, I related to much of the sp type, although not specifically the 'Hermit' piece. I would make a really lousy hermit. The sx link didn't seem to have as much information/juice to it, so I don't think I can really comment on it...suffice it to say, it didn't speak to me all that much.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
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