1. What is your personality type?
8w9-5w6-4w3 SX/SP ENFP
2. Are you male or female?
Female, with a male alter-ego
3. What country do you live in now? What country are you born in?
USA to both
4. What cultural background are you?
3/4 Russian descent , 1/4 unknown, possibly Yugoslavian.
5. What religion are you? What religion is your family?
My parents are Jewish atheists and I'm agnostic. I do not speak Hebrew, did not grow up with extended family or other Jewish people, therefore I don't identify with that culture; I'm just American, probably with some Jewish values deeply ingrained, like "eye for an eye," lol.
6. What career are you in or looking to be in? What are you doing right now to help you achieve this career goal?
I've been a musician, songwriter and writer of books since I was very little. I work towards writing and music goals constantly (and I have tons of material), but I also keep reality in mind (like, what if I don't "make it?" ) so I'm learning other skills too, like trading stocks. I have realistic tangible goals as far as my writing and music, though, and I've accomplished some.
7. What is your friendships like with both genders? How many good friends do you have and why are you friends with these people?
I tend to hold on to good friends regardless of gender, and discard the others. I'll be cordial to almost anyone, but I don't tend to waffle after I've seen someone's true colors and I don't like them. So I have a handful of very close friends that I've built up and cherished over the years, but I don't have 'casual half-assed acquaintances' that I call or keep up with. Ambivalence isn't my thing. Either you're in or you're out.
My life-long best friend is male; we've been close since we were 11 and now we're 32. I'm also close with a couple of guys who I've dated in the past but we remained close friends, drama free. I've met some great women over the last 5 years or so, but in the past, I got betrayed by girls a fair amount. Until I started meeting *real women* instead of girls, I had some trouble in the female department.
8. What paranoias do you have?
I'm so easy-going in general, but the minute I feel vulnerable, I become possessive. This only seems to show up in romantic relationships, but when it does, it shows up in spades. If my guy has female friends or exes he's friends with, I'm cool. I don't care what he does in his spare time or if he likes porn. But if I feel rejected, or I feel like he likes someone else better than me, I convince myself he's going to betray me and I am prone to feel rage. In the past, this rage sometimes went so far that I ended up dumping people, and I wouldn't explain why; because I didn't want to make myself vulnerable by showing that I actually fear rejection. Out of my own.. 'paranoia?' about rejection I'd reject them first. =/
9. What are your vices?
Lust, being possessive? Loving music way too much, listening to the same song every day. Fear/ avoidance of rejection. Sexxx. Cats (I'm allergic!). A few unmentionable indulgences that I managed to quit but still dream about.
10. What are your fears?
Death most of all.
I fear "losing autonomy"... for instance I avoid the idea of marriage like the plague because I don't want someone else thinking he can control where I live, how I spend my money or what I do with my time. I even avoided relationships for a long time for these reasons.
11. What is your relationship like with your parents? siblings (if you had any)?
Excellent, but it took work to get there. My father and I get in major blow-up fights and then recover and love each other, and we have a lot in common. My mother and I are close, and she's really sweet, but she's a bit neurotic and over-protective of my brother. My brother was my drummer in my band for years and now we live together and we respect each other. We have some of the same friends.
12. How are you with expressing emotion in public?
People think I'm "so alive" and expressive, but anything that makes me vulnerable is reserved for complete privacy, or maybe a trusted SO. Music makes me feel vulnerable, and I prefer listening in headphones on long solo walks; so that nobody else can come around while I'm feeling emotions. I do feel a lot of emotions on stage when I sing my own songs, and that's why I need a lot of solitude & a huge steak before I go on stage; it's something I have to work myself into.
13. How do you think people saw you in high school? How do you think people see you now?
No idea. Depends who. I've always had some haters & some admirers & some people who see me as a real person. I don't know if that's because I'm SO blind or an id type, or because I perform; or if that's the case for most people?
14. What do you see as the point to your life and life in general?
Surviving as long as possible is important, and I can say this because I survived an illness that should have killed me ten times over. =) But the one thing more important than surviving is LIVING. For me, I'd call "living" finding a balance - or a union - between passion and purpose.