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Thread: endless confusion

  1. #11


    thanks much all for your thoughts and ideas. I appreciate your feedbeck-both critical and supportive very much.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Aug 2008



    I'll pick through the bit of your last post in a min....

    In a commercial enviroment, especally if you come into contact/have a relationship with many people, it's prudent to see yourself as a brand (ultimately you are a commodity, your own personal comodety). As a brand, how does the world see you - what do they see as the possitive and what as the negatives. It's not really about how you see yourself, it's the whole balance of the two. The more possitive the more likely you will have longevity and rise in your career.

    In my previous post I just took what you said and tried to see it in the worst possible reception - this doesn't mean to say it was ACTUALLY received like that, more how it could have been.

    OK if your work collegues share intimate details about their life (not just sex swagger), it's a friendship, if its just pissing up the wall - they are probably just collegues and possibly quite competitive.

    As for avoiding the guy - I might have felt the same way but it's my job so I need to bite the bullet and get on with it. The ESTP guy sounds perfectly horrible by the way. Don't assume the ESTP guy is being fully truethful....he is probably just fishing for gratuitious information. I know I fish for information by making assumptions and testing the responce. The ENTP guy may well have said a whole bunch of stuff, but he may not have - unless you know for certain, treat that type of info with causion.

    ". What an ESTP and an ENFP consider close friends vs work collegues is almost opposite."

    IMO this is screamingly true... ENFP's are open and friendly and are close to people who accept them.... If I'm totally honest, it will stand you in better stead not to be sharing this stuff with collegues unless tey are proper long haul mates......people you take home to visit etc. Hard for an ENFP to do I know but if you need ot chat through situations call up a mate who isn't in your work and talk to them... manage the information known about you means you will get less termoil at work.

    I have a lovel ENFP friend who sees himself as "I'm having a party and you are all invited".... which is totally wonderful but it's not how other people work.

    Keeping some degree of personal space between you and even friendly collegues it not natural to you but wont nessesarily do you harm.

    I so do the brave/foolhardy think - trust me it's back fired in a number of ways... ultimately it is a good thing, but man does it have consieuqnces. Again reign it in and manage it.

    "The entp boy above once said "You are thier hero" with respect to all the other folks on my project."

    You're the suicide bomber that does their dirty work for them..... not good for you, great for them because they don't have to own their own shit. You are sticking your neck out.... wheres the pay back.... This is something to be very careful with. Honesty and integrety NxP style lands you in trouble.

    "I just want someone to say-it is okay that you are frustrated, okay that you are angry, okay that you are sad. "

    Yea - it's about affirming their feelings, but if you are doing it on a mass marekt type way - what does it look like to your brand? possibly - needy? insecure? requiring reassurance? unconfident? uncapable? those types of thing - none of which might be true, but could be perceived if you are looking for people to hug you/affirm your feeling sense... Horribly hard to manage....

    "Actually the emo goes away then. It dissipates."

    Indeed, a suggestion - get a mate/a few mates external to work that you can call up and have a good old down load... try and keep it out the work place as much as possible, and you will be seen as a more collected/calm person. ENFP's can appear chaoit/uncalm/uncollected - so you need to work against that possible image.

    "The nice thing is that now that I understand a pattern-I can short cut the response. I guess most folks figure this shit out via trial and error huh? hehe "

    I don't think they do - they either work in environments that are horribly unbalanced ie and SJ working in a company with 90% of people are SJ's. I think this type of issue is very N.... your a minority so you need to work agaisnt it... that said once you have comand of yourself the sky really is the limit - you can take people beyond. Your F type will help in the long term.

    VERVE - is a leadership plan taught to our senior managers: Let me try and remember:
    can't remmeber the other two... people like people who have selective vulnerabilities. No one likes people to be perfect - why help someone if they can do everything better, share safe vulnerabilities with people and you will lead them. The key is which vulnerability - if its your emotional state it just weakens peoples perceptions of your capabilities. You just need to figure out a support net for you - ideally out of work.

    You see sharing emotional states as a means of akquiring trust - it may be viewed as uncapable/stressed/not up to it. It's important to only do it with a very selective few.. who know you better.

    T's will share dark thoughts with you - like how they have figured out how XYZ is manipulting a situation and what they think about them/situation you probably have thier trust. But we are cold buggers - we can choose to pull distance into a relationship if it's inconvienient - thus selling you up the river.

    Don't pull back from relationships, because that is what you do well, but you don't need to share your emotional vulerabilities wit everyone... be causious.

    Keep an eye out on how your brand could be perceived and you will latch onto what their issues may be and you cna rejust any negative outcomes.

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