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  1. #21
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    After a party in the town we were drunk, I was with a friend of mine.. a woman.. and her friend, walking away from the bar. We saw one guy peeing on the sidewalk and made some nasty comments and laughed about it.. once we had turned our backs and walked a while, I heard voice, turned back and I noticed my lady friend had left behind to talk something with the guy. (I was like )

    Anyway, the guy (little shorter than me) seemed to want to get even with me.. the lady friend (imho unwisely) had went in between! She stayed between.. I was like OH MY GOD, what the hell is SHE doing? I didn't want to get it any more tense so I stayed where I was and shouted to the man to behave himself. Anyways the guy pushed her to the street, making her glasses break (or so I remember). Now I went in to protect her (not to beat him) .. but some other guy just came (many people were walking on the sideway) and grabbed him.

    Later, I've had trouble with the friend to explain that it was not a good idea from her to get in between of us, because I was able to take care of myself (it was evident from our height disparity) whereas she was not able to take care of herself (height disparity, physical fitness). So she's been living in the thought that she tried to protect me, which shouldn't have happened.

    I've had real hard time following her trail of thought tho I emphatize for her. She's my best female friend.

    What I think of this, is that our choices can affect a lot who is to protect whom and how. It's best to have a clear idea of it and not rush into such "protection scenarios" where the one protecting can't do the job. That's just my idea.

    Plus I noticed that understanding that the man had reason to be angry, I was much less willing to defend us physically. I was a bit afraid of him, and I was afraid that he might get hurt if I started to be forceful.

    I think I have almost two-side thinking in regards to violence. It's mediator-peaceful-calming down and all out fightfest. I haven't had to resort to violence in my adult life.. so nothing in my life except some brawling as a kid..

    I think I know from some people that I can't win them apart from placing a good swift kick in the head, or similar maneuvre.. and I'm afraid both for myself, for the other person and the bad odds against me. With others, I'm afraid of hurting the other party. For some reason I've practiced high, swift and powerful kicks that are good enough as self-defence, altho learning martial arts is not looked upon well in my religion that prides itself by it's peacefulness. I've thought of it as acceptable, can't not to.

    I've once been afraid of myself in my adult life in a physical confrontation. I understand that I can't rely on my physical skills enough to get me out of situations. I'll have to run, mediate or hide sometimes.

    I think it would be a sick demand in todays society to place such demands on men as to always solve the situations for the weaker party.. some situations are difficult, and men are not expendable. Men can't go and kill themselves whenever there's a woman with a whim.

    Puh have I again written a long post?

  2. #22
    Senior Member Recluse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    After a party in the town we were drunk, I was with a friend of mine.. a woman.. and her friend, walking away from the bar. We saw one guy peeing on the sidewalk and made some nasty comments and laughed about it.. once we had turned our backs and walked a while, I heard voice, turned back and I noticed my lady friend had left behind to talk something with the guy. (I was like )
    Your lady friend shouldn't have antagonized the man, who was most likely drunk, and she shouldn't have come between you and the man once things became hostile, since she was incapable of defeating him in a fight. I realize that your friend was also drunk, but I still feel that she was at fault, because her words and actions put others at risk of violence.

    The next time that you're with a woman who starts trouble, tell her to behave. If she refuses, she doesn't deserve your friendship.

    If you're in a situation that you know you can't handle, there's no shame in fleeing or hiding, provided that you help your smaller, weaker companions to escape unharmed as well. Just avoid befriending troublemakers!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    I didn't say that I didn't say it. I said that I didn't say that I said it. I want to make that very clear.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Being the oldest child of 4, I was always sticking up for my siblings in school. Even though I am small (5' 2"), I could stare down anyone. (I have inherited the death stare from my Grandpa and my Dad). I am and still very protective of my boys and any of my family and friends.

    After my Dad left and it was just me, Mom and my siblings (I was in the 6th grade), I would chase the peeping toms in the dark with my baseball bat. (I was scared, though) Nobody messed with me.

    Other than that, I can be the nicest person ever. Just don't mess with my loved ones.
    -Sandy
    I - 75% N - 55% F - 55% P - 61%
    Enneagram 4w5

    There is love... in the red letters
    There is truth... in the red letters

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default I forgot to add...

    Oh yeah, in my experience, ISTJ males are way too over-protective... smothering actually. (policeman-types fer sure) They scare everybody away.

    *choke* *can't breathe* *cough* *suffication!!!*
    -Sandy
    I - 75% N - 55% F - 55% P - 61%
    Enneagram 4w5

    There is love... in the red letters
    There is truth... in the red letters

  5. #25
    Member lbloom's Avatar
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    I find it interesting to see that some xNTPs report themselves to be "jealous". I've found it hard to be jealous or possessive in a relationship, even when I've sensed that some of it may be desirable.

    I'm unlikely to pick or perpetuate a physical stand-off because I loathe that sort of thing. I'm much more likely to just give them what they want. That said, if it became clear to me that my SO might be physically hurt, I would certainly jump in to prevent that.

    So, not at all possessive, somewhat protective.

    I have one older sister, but our relationship has always been very even.
    Last edited by lbloom; 01-31-2008 at 04:45 PM.

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