My god! I wasn't going to write this thread, but something just, wow, a realization hit me.
I am a math and computer science major, I am an INTP. I am an introvert, but I have sufficient social skills to get by in life, I actually -ENJOY- talking to people under the proper conditions, and in some conditions can even be the "life of the party" granted only a very specific type of party. I enjoy talking about math, computers, areas I'm interested in, even with strangers, but only when I feel comfortable enough to do so (a lot of that is my perception of the person, admittedly). This being said, most people don't want to talk about such things. The only time I really talk about other stuff is with people I have had the time to get closely acquainted with. I've noticed I don't have a multi-ring approach with people, where I'm close to a select few then have lots of people I hang out with anyways, instead I have the close few I talk to regularly and sometimes hang out with, and the rest I only talk to very occasionally, and hardly ever am around.
Well, I ran into a few of these such people today, it was pleasant enough, and we'd had conversations in passing about things. The problem though is that they ate with me, a time of small talk and nothing but. I didn't feel comfortable enough to speak frankly or as I would if I was one on one with someone, perhaps if I had been in a more jubilant mood I might have, and if it hadn't been two people. In any event, as I said, I have social skills, so I did just fine, small talk and whatnot, but it was really actually stressful. All of it.
At the end of it, I realized, I had a test today, and another one last week, in high level math courses, I've had other tests on a shit load of subjects during my education. I have never feared a test or been more emotionally or physically stressed during a test as I was during those 15 minutes of social interaction.
15 fucking minutes.
It isn't being anti-social, and I was fine, I didn't have a panic attack, not like that, it was just, yea, I didn't enjoy it at all, I despised it on every level, not because of the people, but because of the discomfort.
I wish people would realize alone != lonely.
Anyone else had small events like this that sort of just emphasized how introverted they were to themselves? I knew before of course, but it just sort of hit me, how much I really couldn't stand certain types of social occasions, to the extent I would do a great deal to just avoid them entirely.