Gotta ya .. But ideas have to come off the drawing board at some point.
Agreed. And that's what makes personal balance so important imo. It's not always about evaluating the risks. It's also about evaluating the gains. 2 is not always better than 1. That's why people don't date every person they have a crush on.
Originally Posted by saslou
How does the not being dependent on others work for you?
The important thing here, and something a lot of people seem to forget (from my experience), is that not being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't depend on others AND being in a relationships doesn't mean you'll depend on your partner all the time either.
I depend on people. My family for financial support and unconditional love, my friends for sharing and understanding etc etc Everyone depends on people to a certain extent.
My identity though, who I am regardless of context, is something I try to assert and polish all the time. Not relying on others to tell me what to do, what to feel or what to think. The short answer to your question is : very well.
Originally Posted by saslou
I only ask as i used to be like that, wouldn't burden anyone. I now realise i need people around me so i can get different perspectives and when i actually need help (rarely), i know those people will come forward and offer it.
Some people don't need relationships .. but have you ever had a moment where you are lying in bed alone and it would be really nice if someone was there with you so you could just cuddle or even chat shit until the early hours of the morning.
Don't even the most independent people want something similar even if it is once in a blue moon.
Of course. But there are wants and there are needs. I thought a couple of times I wanted a relationship in the past, but I also realized I didn't need one. And to this day I think one should never approach a relationship from a place of need. It should be about evolving together, not about having someone filling in your gaps. That's my personal view, of course.
ALSO...there is a lot platonic friends can offer. You don't need to have physical intimacy with someone, to get something out of it.
Originally Posted by Grungemouse
I'm inside out with this; I seek similar types for platonic relationships (a trio consisting of two INTPs and an ENTP. We call ourselves "the three muskequeers") but I like the balance in romantic relationships. It has less to do with being codependent in a relationship, but finding someone who sees the world from a different angle, that I find refreshing. I don't like being too similar with my partner, in terms of mindset. I don't like the taste of my own medicine. >>
ETA: I think it depends on where the "balance" is. I would find it hard to invest in a romantic relationship with an extravert, hence why all of my relationships have been with introverts. The T/F balance has it's positives, though. Especially NT/SF and NF/ST.
Other than good communication and sharing of basic priorities, I have nothing to say about romantic relationships and type. I will say that personally, NF/ST or NT/SF seems very counter-intuitive...but that's precisely due to the two things I've mentioned.
But yeah, that's what I'm saying. Being too similar might not be a recipe for success. That has a lot to do with how balanced the two are and what they are looking for. An INTP who never befriended another NT might find himself in heaven if he finds an NT romantic partner.
Seeing the world from all the different angles...again not something I would rely on a partner for. And again, something platonic friends can provide. I will say there's not pattern to how I associate with people ...I don't even have that many N friends let alone NFP friends (zero actually). It goes back to my feeling of being independent I guess. I learn from everyone, platonic or not. I'm not used to getting outside validation in that three musketeers sense you've mentioned. So romantic relationships are no more about stepping outside my comfort zone than platonic friendships.
You really think Thinking is more realistic? I don't see it that way. For instance, I see a Ti-dom as more detached from reality than a Fe-dom, or a Se or Ne dom Feeler. Extroverts seem more aware of reality, because they are more concerned with the external than their own mind.
My wife an Fe dom has a hard time seeing beyond the trees that surround her to the forest. A Ti dom would be like an eagle that can detach from the situation and fly above it all and see things from an external perspective.
It becomes almost too generalized to keep the discussion at simply T's/F's, but I don't know that it would have made much sense to do it any other way, either, as then you'd need multiple threads. Fe dom will be highly different from Fe aux, Fi dom different from Fi aux, Fi dom different from Fe aux, etc etc. Same with Te/Ti dom/aux.....an INTJ or ENTP will potentially be just as incompetent/ungrounded as an INFJ, depending on how well developed (or undeveloped) the aux function is (just a few of many examples...funny aside, my xNTJ friend is grounded more by her ENFP husband than vice-versa!).
While a Ti/Te dom may have a better grasp on certain elements of 'Reality', they won't have the full picture, as the very nature of what they tend to focus on means they disregard a whole other aspect or set of variables.
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
I like F types because they believe things mean something. I believe this, too, but I often don't feel it. It is healing for me to be around people who care about things other than whether something is interesting or right. T types seem to always want to make a point about something, whereas F types seem to just value relationships a bit more. I find they can bring out my latent caring for other people.
I agree with this completely.
F types give me a different perspective on things. They consider things I don't usually think about. And vice versa.
My ISFJ keeps me from being too mean. I guess you could say he's my conscience. He has more compassion for people than I could ever be capable of; I don't have much sympathy for people who won't help themselves. I can be very, very cruel when I'm upset about someone or something, but he keeps me anchored by basically telling me what I'm doing. The fact that coming up on someone like a rampaging bull and mortally wounding them with words may not always be the best way to deal with something never really occurred to me before I met my boyfriend. :P He's also good at calming me down. He's a very soothing influence.